An Otherworlder's Feelings

It's here. The final day of traveling. First thing tomorrow, and our fight against the monster congregation will finally begin. I'm up first thing in the morning, and the original members of my party, Freware and Cesre, are up soon as well. Kiaran should be up soon. As for Inell and Azariah, they'll both wake last, like they've been doing.

I know from experience just how strong they both are. Both much stronger than me, that's for sure. All I can really do is swing a sword around, and I don't even do that all too well. For Freware, she has a savage brutality that gets things done and a plethora of knowledge of the natural world, both of which I lack. For Cesre, it's a magical power and proficiency that from my extremely low standards, could honestly be considered god-like.

Inell's stronger than both of them too, and I know full well that there are actual humans out there much stronger than him. That also isn't even mentioning the vast array of monsters that are probably stronger than humans could ever hope to reach individually. It's a constant reminder of just how weak I really am.

All this time I think, I've really been relying on those two. They've both saved me in so many situations I could hardly remember all of them. There's also the many favors that Inell's given me. I'm truly lucky that he's content just joking around with me owing him so much, and not actually asking for any repayment. I'm terrified of just what I'd need to do in order to pay him back. I wouldn't be able to help doing practically anything if he truly needed it from me. I just owe him that much.

Hm… Freware's began exercising and Cesre appears to be praying. I'm not exactly clear on the whole process, but I think that's supposed to help her draw out her power. I'm sure I'm not getting all the complexities, but I think that's basically how it works.

Heh, already… they're already working on increasing and maintaining their own strengths while I'm just standing here thinking about just how weak and useless I really am. I guess that really just shows off how pathetic I am.

I have to at least try to catch up to these two, so I take my sword and start doing practice swings. Up and down, up and down. I believe that Kiaran's teacher had him do this with his scythe until his arms were sore. My sword is a whole lot lighter than that thing, so it should take me a whole lot more swings until I get to that point.

Actually, Kiaran does go for a jog every day, doesn't he? He's even kept doing it while we were on this trip. Yeah, I should probably start doing that as well. Should I start now? Is there any reason not to start now?

Think… Kiaran keeps training on until he's sore and then gets a healer to fix that so he can keep training. I think that's the gist of the regimen his teacher put him through. In that case, if I don't have a healer on hand, I probably shouldn't be training too hard as the fight is approaching.

Freware is actually a healer, which is probably why she's still training so intensely even though the battle literally starts tomorrow. Should I ask her to heal me after I'm done training too? Or would that drain her mana too much? I guess I should probably ask her.

I call out to Freware, and she stops her training regimen for a bit to actually hold a conversation with me. She's sweaty all over already. I try to explain my thinking to her.

"Huh… oh, yeah, I'd definitely be able to heal you like that before the fight. I mean, if you actually tore or broke something, that's a different story, but soreness I can deal with even if it's the two of us."

"Really? Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. I've been doing the same for Kiaran as well. If I couldn't spare the mana for just this kind of thing, could I even call myself a healer?"

Huh… Kiaran's already been taking advantage of Freware's healing? Jeez, just how slow am I? "Right… well then, would you mind if I joined you as you trained then?"

"Oh? Of course not! Come on! Here, we'll start with pushups!"

I join Freware with training, and it doesn't take long before I'm completely exhausted. She's been doing so many pushups every day?! No wonder she's so strong! Eventually I wind up on the ground, collapsed.

"Woah, Aubrey, are you OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I say as I desperately try to pick myself back up.

"It's OK to stay down, you know, upper body strength isn't particularly your thing."

What? Yeah, that's why I'm working on it. What's Freware trying to say? "What do you mean?"

"Well, your main strength is your speed. You're really amateurish in everything else except your work ethic and your speed. For someone who grew up near a place as well developed as Hallenstedt, like you, your speed is insane. I mean, you're about as fast as Kiaran."

Well… can definitely keep up with him, but if it were a fight, he'd still beat me. Our running speed may be equal but since he's better at so many things than me, I'd still lose.

"What I think is that you should focus on improving that mainly. It'll play to your strengths really well."

"But… is that really enough to get on the level of you and Cesre?"

"Huh? Is that what this is about? Of course. If you really honed it in, you could probably take me down before I could even take a stance. Cesre's a mage who needs time to cast spells, if you can close that distance before that she's pretty much done."

"Huh? Seriously?"

"I mean everything I say, Aubrey."

"But, I mean… Azariah can fly…"

"Most people you'll be facing won't be able to, and even then probably not for too long. You could also try and take them out before they can take off. You have quite the talent in that regard."

"Talent? You think… I have talent?"

"Well of course you do. You'd have to be pretty damn unlucky to not have some sort of talent in anything. For you, I think it's looking ahead. Yeah, looking ahead, figuring out what to do and then acting on it. I mean, Cesre and I kind of let you boss us around for a reason."

"What do you mean?"

"Well you're always thinking about tomorrow, aren't you? Even if you don't make that all too clear. You're always thinking about what we'll be able to support ourselves with the next day, and how we're getting through today. You think about that constantly and then decide just what the best course of action is, right? Well, that's what I think you're doing anyway. Am I wrong?"

I try my best to think about what Freware's telling me. The more I think about it, the more I think she's right. I mean, the entire reason we're even out here right now is because I was acting in the way that she described.

"Yeah, I think that you're right…" I say. I'm not really sure what else to say.

"Well I thought so. So you've decided that you want to get as strong as Cesre and I, right? That means there's pretty much no way I can convince you otherwise, right?"

"Well that just makes me sound stubborn, but yeah, I guess not."

"I'll give you my advice then." Freware's advice? I try to pay attention to what she's saying as much as possible.

"I think you should go for a speedy fighting style. Attacking your enemies and cutting them up before they can even react. You could get to that point really easily, too. You should keep on practicing your sword skills as you've been doing, but in terms of workouts, I think you should focus on your legs."

"I see. Do you have any leg workouts in mind then?"

"Of course. We'll get started now."

Freware and I begin training. Thank you, Freware for helping me figure this out. Now I have a clearer goal in mind. I know from experience just how much of a difference that makes.

><><><><

After my workout ends and breakfast is finished, the ride continues. The people that are now catching my attention as our carriage trudges along are Kiaran and Azariah. Kiaran is just relaxing as Shirley takes a nap on his shoulder. Azariah's reading the book that Lucidna gave her as intently as possible.

I have a newfound goal to reach, thanks to Freware's advice, but those two are also constant reminders of how weak I am. For Azariah, it's her skill and drive towards all things magical. For Kiaran, it's his sheer adaptability, and even his new pet which is supposed to be helping him fight now.

When we first came into this world, the three of us were equal. If anything, due to the charity work I did, and my years of experience on both of them, I was probably the strongest at the time. They both managed to surpass me so easily, though.

I had started my first job in this world to help support the two of them, and they both got jobs that earned so much more than mine with ease. I had joined the adventurer's guild first to train up so that I could train them, but they both left me behind before I could even teach them a thing. Now they're both their own people with their own skills, completely divorced from me.

I think I'm coming to understand though that that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I want to protect those two, who have no need to be protected, sure, but that doesn't mean they can't get any use out of me.

Like Freware said, I'll keep looking forward so that I can decide what's best for them. Even before I came to that realization I was still kind of doing that. The entire reason that we're out here is because I wanted to gain valuable experience along with the two of them.

Kiaran's already getting that extra experience too. He already has a new pet to help him fight and he's secured a new route for him with Freware offering to help him with beast taming and introducing him to Diana's cult. That's Kiaran though…

For Azariah, I'm not so sure if my decision was the best for her. She has some sort of entity trying to form a connection with her, which could be after anything from her. I can't help but feel some sort of regret, thinking that it would have been better if I had left her with that Lucidna woman to help her through this.

There's also the added complexity of the mind control curses on the dragons. Inell promised me that he'd tell us if the situation goes beyond something that we can handle. Even then, I still can't not be nervous about the name "Vincent Boreas." He's the one that that assassin that nearly killed Kiaran was working under. Inell also said that if he really was involved, we all needed to get the hell out of here. How could all of that not be enough to unnerve me?

I can only trust that Azariah will be able to handle it, as Inell's constantly been telling me. I've already made the decision, regretting it will do nothing. I just have to keep that in mind moving forward. That's the most that I can give Azariah, I need to accept that.

Thinking of Azariah, she's still reading her book. Kiaran's moved Shirley down to his lap and has begun to pet her while she was sleeping. I'm sure that Azariah's putting a whole lot of thought into how best to deal with the entity that keeps coming to her in her dreams. As for Kiaran, he's probably thinking about just how cute Shirley is.

Heh, I can normally never tell what Azariah's thinking. I guess it has to be something extremely obvious for me to really get it. Thinking about it, Inell's often able to tell what Azariah's thinking. Just how she wound up getting so close to someone that dropped her out of the sky both confuses and upsets me.

No matter how hard I try, I can't figure out why she'd even want to hang around Inell after something like that. It only just adds to how much of a mystery Azariah's mind is to me. Not only does she practically never give an expression you can get anything from, she comes to conclusions that don't make any sense.

I guess we're both just pretty incompatible, no matter how much that hurts me. I just have to accept that, though. It helps to think that even if we are incompatible, I can still help her in some ways. Just yesterday, I had kept the shy girl from having to bathe with a bunch of men. I guess I can pat myself on the back about that.

Yeah, I guess I'm not completely useless. I won't let that get to my head though, there's still so much for me to do for the both of them. I'll just have to continue doing my best for them. Yeah, I like the sound of that.

Freware and Cesre have gotten at least some sort of use from me, so it shouldn't be too different for Kiaran and Azariah. I'll make sure to keep looking to the future for them.

><><><><

Time passes. After some time, the rest of our journey here had been completed. Dinner had been finished now, and it was time to begin planning for the fight tomorrow. Other adventurers at this point have already started setting up their starting positions for this assault.

Inell flew out to receive our orders a while ago, and he's only just now getting back. We're all waiting around our temporary camp as he lands back onto the ground.

"There's three goblin villages in that direction." Inell points out. "We're meant to clear them all out by noon."

Hm… three goblin villages shouldn't be any problem for our party. Honestly, we could probably just leave it all to Inell, and that would be enough to take care of it. This is supposed to be a learning experience though, so we obviously can't do that.

Everyone starts discussing what to do. As for me, I do my best to think of a plan. Thanks to that conversation with Freware earlier this morning, I understand that's the role I'm supposed to have in this group. Sure enough, I manage to come up with something that should work rather quickly.

I tell everyone my plan, and no one brings up any huge objections. Alright, so far so good. Kiaran adds some stuff for Shirley to help us do, as well as coming up with hand signs to assist in making sure my plan goes smoothly. Overall just general constructive criticism. I actually wind up putting all of Kiaran's suggestions to my plan.

It really isn't something I would expect from someone 9 years younger than me, but I'm used to being shown up by Azariah and him. We spend a while learning all the hand signs that Kiaran had come up with. It wasn't much, only what was really necessary for this specific mission, so it wasn't too hard.

After that, we all headed off to bed. Part of my plan involved striking before dawn, so we have to hurry up and head to bed as early as possible.

It's kind of hard to believe now. Tomorrow, we'll finally begin this quest. It's been six whole days of traveling, and I had only figured out about this a day or two before that. So it's been a week since I first went to convince Azariah and Kiaran to head out here with me. It's only been a little over a week since Kiaran and Azariah's duel.

How are they going to handle themselves tomorrow? Given all that I've seen from them, I don't really have anything to worry about. Right, they're still much stronger than me, and I still have a lot of catching up to do. No matter how much time I spend reminiscing, that's never going to change.

Tomorrow is the day that I have to prove myself to be their peer. They'll be sure to give an outstanding performance tomorrow. It will be my responsibility to do just as well as them. I know full well that won't come easy, though.

My self doubt aside, I can't afford to be second guessing myself. If I have to perform as well as possible tomorrow, I'll need to be focused. Look to the future. Look to all the things that I need to do tomorrow. That's what I should be doing instead of comparing myself to Kiaran and Azariah.

In order to best prepare for my responsibilities tomorrow, I'll need to sleep. After that I'll be sure to blaze a path ahead.

I pull the blankets on top of me, and close my eyes. Even if it's just sleeping now, I have something that I need to be working towards. Thinking about it like that, I can't help but smile.

The fact that I actually have a role is doing wonders. Being without one, I was just lost. It's one of the worst feelings.

How long has it been since I've had any sort of role? How long have the three of us even been in this world? It could only be two of this country's months at the very most. Time really does fly, doesn't it?

Oh well, it would probably be better if I forget about everything from before those two months. There are a few lessons I'd like to keep to heart, but other than that, it would be better for me if I couldn't remember any of it.

Yeah, that's what I'll have to do. Forget my past and keep looking to the future. That's what they all need from me.

Thanks to Azariah, my name from my past life doesn't exist in this world. My name in this world is Aubrey. Aubrey will be the name of the one to blaze a path forward for my party. I'll make sure of that, because I owe them all so much.