After

But now that I'm eighteen, I think I've matured a bit over the years.

I was out of breath, having climbed that hill was breathtaking. My light green sweatshirt was sticking to my body, besides I married it with a pair of blue-night denim pants that ideally fit the curves of my body. Sneakers of the same tone completed my ordinary outfit. I sometimes hated walking for so long but this place was special, if not more special than any other. The peace I gained was well worth it. And then I needed to be alone. I needed to come to terms with the fact that a new change was coming to my life. I came back to the place where I met him and where I discovered for a moment, however short, the most wonderful being that could exist. I presume to believe that I have matured a little. And now it is here that I would like to find him to console me of the eternal absence of this so much loved being. The forest had thickened. With a smile on my face, I went deeper into this nature full of purity and nostalgia, trying to imagine him if he had been there.

As deep as my memory recalled snippets of my childhood, Fiona, my beloved sister was with me. But by some purely human instinct or other feeling, I guessed that I would never know the same human fate as her. It was rather strange because in no way did I feel different from her or the others. She was as loved by her friends as I was by mine.

So where did I get the feeling that my life was different. Or was it rather normal to know this way? Oh, and anyway, what's the point of pushing this issue so hard. Because after this person, everything had changed, everything had to be changed, and didn't have the same meaning and importance.

It was just more of the same nonsense that my nameless prince would have blamed on gullibility. The only important thing was probably to have a family and friends ready to accept me as I was.

Now my sister has found true love and will inevitably get married. She would have children. And then my turn would come, my heart would also swing between the comforting past and the uncertain future, even if the choice would already be obvious. And I would know all the grace of love, or maybe what would be left of it.

From where I was, after having, as at that time, fled the house, getting lost somewhere in the hills, I had the vision of a grandiose panorama. For a long time I thought that my country was the most beautiful in the world, this ocean of high and so green grass, of pine forest and wild meadow, delighted my sight. There were only small, artisanal houses in this place, so touching. I let the rays of the sun caress me as they caressed this world of beauty that the skies were letting me admire at that moment. So beautiful, so true and yet so ephemeral that nothing could alter it forever like a lake of putrid mud or the breath of a cursed sovereign. Following the various paths of my reflections, I had come to wonder if I would ever find love again, that great love that one would have no trouble giving oneself body and soul, and of which I had an intense glimpse four years ago.

Many say that it was better to live it than to try in vain to understand it. It was more authentic and sacred. They were right.

..., but that, unfortunately, will not help me to forget or to accept the hand of another.

I approached a pond. I wanted to see my reflection there. The reflection of this body that was beginning to open up to life, to complicated and divergent emotions. I looked at it, I contemplated it, wondering also if someone will manage to desire this matter of flesh, this envelope that I could not judge of beautiful or ugly. A body bearing nothing but purity. And my face of sublime beauty. She especially would have wanted to know what this person could have thought of it.

My skin was the only white thing on my body, except for it, everything was the color of granite. My hair so beautiful and yet detestable, my eyes that already attracted the gaze and lust of men ... Even my heart, dark and empty. If someone could ever love me, that is, besides him, then would I be happy?

I walked far away before looking at the rising horizon, it was covered with clouds, it was all the more sinister because it was dusk. A hurricane had passed over the island. It has already left but the rain will remain for a few more days.

A hurricane...? Thinking about this phenomenon made a nostalgic smile appear on my

Lips.

Then suddenly, a rainbow appeared in the sky.

- How is this possible, I asked myself. There wasn't even any water nearby, and the weather was pure.

But on closer inspection, its colors looked rather dark, hideous and icy. And still at the foot of this ocean of atrocious colors formed large white clouds, fluffy, but strangely graying to become black and emitted a sickening smell.

At first sight, the place was a creation of art.

However, its magnificence was nothing more than a thick and atrocious veil produced to hide the cruelty and the blackness. It wasn't really the image that seized my being, but rather the feeling that came over me. The same as I felt at Uncle Didier's funeral, not really, more like that day when I was chased by that hideous and hungry monster that he had then carried away in his layers of deadly mud. And that smell of rotting blood froze my heart.

The closer I got, the more I told myself that I had to run away, before something happened to me again. But I couldn't. On the contrary, my feet were guiding me towards this fountain of the dead.

When I got as close as possible I touched a cloud, and blood flowed into it. Half-conscious of my gesture, I lifted the vaporous veil and almost fell over in horror. Nausea took hold of my senses and I let the silky death cover fall again. If I had ever thought that such a horror could exist, then I would have preferred ignorance. But it wasn't over. The grayish clouds kept coming out of the foot of the dark rainbow, so I wanted to see too.

- Curiosity is a nasty flaw.