Chapter 18

I woke up the next morning to my alarm clock yelling at me to get up. I didn't want to though. My bed was too comfortable and I hadn't gotten enough sleep.

Still I rose from my bed and started getting ready.

I walked downstairs to find the place to be empty. No sign of anybody. I looked out the window of the door and saw that Christopher's car was still here. So they were here, just not up.

I put the thought aside and got my stuff together for school.

I headed out the door and slowly started walking to school.

I thought back to the guys. I was really hurting them. Whenever I was with one I would hurt the others. But I couldn't spend time with them all at once or they would just fight over me. And the whole connected thing is only making things worse. They knew each other's motives and what they were going to do with me. But for some reason they're still all so different from each other. That only makes things even more difficult.

And yet I still don't know them. Not really anyway. Then again it's been only a few days.

I stopped and looked at the clear sky.

That's right. It's been only a few days and yet so much has happened.

"Sam?"

A familiar voice broke through my thoughts. I turned around to see Drew looking at me confused.

"Drew. Uh... morning."

There was so much I wanted to say. Mostly a sorry and explanation for last night but I didn't want to make things awkward.

He smiled at me and walked to my side.

"Morning."

We started walking, now together, to the school when I felt the air get tense. I could tell he was thinking about last night.

"Listen, about last night. I... uh,"

Nothing came to me. I never really thought about what to say.

"It's okay. You don't need to tell me."

I looked at Drew shocked.

"What? But the usual you would be begging me to tell you what was going on! I have to tell you! I'll never feel better until I do!"

"Then tell me."

There was a bit of silence.

"It's complicated."

"Really?"

I sighed and thought hard at what to say.

"Drake is one of the guys that now live with me. He was just messing around last night. Everything he said last night meant nothing."

"Everything?"

I tried to remember all he said last night.

"Yes."

He smiled at me and his eyes showed a kind caring look. He believed me. I didn't know why he would question me in the first place. He hasn't done that before. Not really anyway.

Was I the one doing something to question things?

I probably was changing. I have been keeping things to myself now. He knew me too well.

I felt pain in my chest.

Guilt.

Almost like with Christopher yesterday. I felt bad for what I've been doing to everyone. If anything they weren't with me, but I was messing with them.

What have I become?

I pushed everything down, just like before, and continued walking to school like nothing was different.

If Justin were here, would I be like this?

But in a way he was here.

What was I thinking?! So what if the guys reminded me of him? He's gone.

Dead.

If anything they were changing me. But I was being cruel. I needed to give them all a chance without hurting the other.

But how?

They were jealous all the time. Or at least, I believe so. I still didn't really know them in the end.

We got to the school and went to our classes. I got to my seat and came to a decision.

I would get to know them and I wouldn't get swept away by their motives.

Easy, right?

I sighed.

I hope so.