[52.1] Felix POV: Living with Backlash

[Author's note: This chapter is from Felix's perspective.]

Tall grass swayed in the breeze as the gentle wind glided across it.

My eyes were closed as I focused on controlling the frenzied mana inside of me. Blood-curdling screams and wailing echoed in my head causing an unbearable headache to pound relentlessly.

My eyes slowly opened, wincing from the violent rays of sunlight.

Countless Roots jumped around me and on top of me, pulling at my hair and clothes.

I pursed my lips, "You're all acting up because Reika left?"

They grew more fervent in their weak attack on my already breaking down body.

I let out a sigh, "You all should be thankful I've even given you a chance to live. I didn't have to."

I sat up and watched as the Roots tumbled off of me. They jumped back on their "feet" and started making obscene gestures at me. I glared at them sharply and watched them shrink away from me in fear.

I grumbled under my breath, "Ungrateful."

I forced myself to stand up, ignoring the aches from my joints. The light entered my eyes, causing searing pain to burst from them.

Should I consider myself lucky that my backlash only resulted in physical pain?

I let out a heavy groan and forced myself to walk inside, "...Let's paint."

That should distract me from this discomfort.

I entered my art studio and prepared my easel. I sat on my stool, overlooking the large window and bountiful garden beyond it. I casually reached out and tapped the table. The door creaked open and a servant placed down the cup of tea robotically.

I frowned at her imperfect movements.

She abruptly left the room sensing my frustration.

I sighed and started sketching the scene in front of me while occasionally taking a sip of tea. I painted for hours, nearly finishing my new landscape when a bright light flashed into my eyes.

My hand jerked in reflex as I winced from the sudden onslaught of pain. I quickly shielded my eyes until I felt the pain recede. When my eyes refocused, I noticed a red line of paint across my canvas.

I stared at that line as the screams returned in my mind, growing larger as I stared.

A fit of bubbling anger came from deep within me that I could not stop.

My breathing became ragged.

It's…

RUINED!

I screamed and grabbed the canvas throwing it across the room. I stomped on it as I screamed, but I only felt angrier.

It's all ruined!

I ripped apart the finished paintings stacked against the walls and threw the jars of paint.

The loud noises alerted Priscilla who rushed into the room and grabbed me in an attempt to calm me down, "Felix! It's okay-"

I turned to her and raised my hand but felt a sharp pain in my chest. I stopped myself, but not before I saw a flash of fear flicker in her eyes.

I lowered my hand, scowling as I silently degraded myself, and took a step away from her.

Priscilla saw that I calmed down and looked around the room, "What… What happened?"

I spoke without energy, "I made a mistake with my painting."

"You did all this because of a mistake?" She blinked in confusion, "Brother… It's just a painting."

I felt a raging fury growing in my chest, but I quickly stifled it. I took a deep breath and spoke through my teeth, "It has to be perfect."

Anything less isn't worthy.

She tugged on my sleeve, "Are you feeling okay?"

I stared at her hand then forced on a warm smile, "I feel fine."

She peered at me timidly, "I'm worried, Brother Felix… You haven't been the same since the day you saved us."

I maintained my smile and patted her hand that was on my sleeve, "What do you mean? I'm still the same big brother you've always had."

She timidly looked over the destroyed room, "But-"

I let out a sigh and pushed her out of the room, "-I will have the servants clean the room, don't worry. Just pretend that this never happened, okay?"

"Okay, but-" She bit her lip, "Brother… Do you think the servants have been acting normal?"

"What do you mean?"

"Lately their actions seem so… Not human. I know Father told them to never speak to us, but now they are acting so weird. Almost like they are puppets-"

I laughed, interrupting her quickly, "You're just overthinking things. I haven't noticed anything different."

She looked at me unsure, "You don't think they are acting weird?"

"No, and I don't see how you could come to that conclusion." I shook my head with a weak laugh, "Maybe you're the one who had the backlash and not me."

She looked at her feet in humiliation but didn't give up, "They are just too abnormal. I think we should ask for an outsider's opinion."

"Oh?" I raised an eyebrow feeling unimpressed, "Like who?"

Her lips pressed together thinly, "Maybe I should see if Reika-"

My eyes dulled, "You're speaking of her very highly lately. Do you like her or something?"

Her cheeks flushed as she stuttered, "N-No! It's just that she's… She might know something-"

"Mhm." I gave her a sly look, "You're making me jealous. Would you rather have a sister like her than a brother like me?"

She shook her head fervently, "Stop teasing me! You know I would never trade you for anyone!"

I chuckled and rubbed her head, "What a sweet sister I have… Now how about you show me your garden? You said you have new flowers, right?"

Her eyes lit up, "Are you sure you're up for it?"

"Whatever makes you happy."

Promises are promises.

I followed her outside with a forced smile as she pointed out her new flowers. Her bee buzzed around her as she hopped around. Eventually, she grew tired and we returned inside. After hours of entertaining her, I was finally alone and could sit in my office. I rubbed my face in exhaustion and casually glanced at the small mirror on my desk reflecting my gray complexion.

I let out a sigh and tapped my desk.

A servant came in and struggled to put down the drink. I watched in irritation as the tea spilled everywhere.

Before she could leave, she collapsed to the ground and didn't move.

I clenched my jaw and took a sip of the tree.

The door opened and the sound of heels echoed behind me.

The Duchess Newman casually stepped over the fallen servant and sat on my desk. Her arrogant eyes betraying a foxy appearance looked down on me. Her pupils contracted into slits, "It's not getting better is it, my precious son?"

My lips curled in disgust, "Don't call me that."

She laughed in a low tone, "We have to keep up appearances."

"There's no one around to do so."

She glanced at the servant, "I see that… Well, anyway. Let's get back to more important matters- I have good news for you!"

I took a sip of my tea and watched the color return to my cheeks, "You found Vira?"

She shook her head, "No. Her desire is too overwhelming to pinpoint her location."

I gave her a harsh look, "Then what's the good news?"

She smiled charmingly and put down a wrapped package, "Open it."

I stared at her suspiciously and pulled it towards me slowly.

She laughed, "It's not a bomb. It's from Reika."

My eyes lit up and I quickly unwrapped the gift. I held up a vial with a pale blue color, nearly transparent, with wisps of gray smoke swirling inside of it. The contents resembled ice that was so cold, and yet so hot, that actual smoke was coming off of it. Trapped in a vial, it could only swirl as if being tortured by its confines.

She watched me with a smile, "Now I understand why you want her around so much. She's so useful."

I licked my lips as I stared into the vial. I didn't waste another second and uncorked it, ingesting the pure mana. It flushed into my body, pushing out the bad and purifying it with the new. My complexion returned to normal and the pounding of my head disappeared into nothing.

I wanted to cry from euphoria, "I could kiss her!"

Duchess Newman laughed, "If you like her so much, we could force her into an arranged marriage with you. Then she'll be tied to you completely."

I shook my head, "No. I won't do that."

Her eyes curved haughtily, "Could it be you actually have compassion for that cursed Prince and his mate?"

I faced her with a forced smile, "Although I wouldn't mind marrying Reika, an arranged marriage isn't the way to go. She must trust me and like me. If she's forced to marry me, she'll only hate me."

Plus there's no way she could ever be forced into marriage.

She laughed at my shrewdness, "Are you sure that's the reason? From my perspective, you have no desire to marry her. You can pretend all you'd like, but I can see the intentions of your heart. You don't love her, you just want to-"

I stood up so abruptly that the chair fell over. I glared at her in a warning, "Stop pretending to know what I want. You couldn't possibly know what I want."

She pursed her lips, "I would know if you told me."

I forced myself to smile despite the bitterness I felt inside my heart, "There's no point in saying what I want."

It's impossible to get.

I turned to leave the room, "-Although that won't stop me from trying."

"Wait." She stood up and looked at me with concern, "I don't think you should pick a fight with Vira. Ordinary people like us are no match for her. We should just keep our heads down."

My footsteps paused, "...Ordinary people?"

She let out a sigh, "The King is terrified of her. The 'hero of the desert' and that self-proclaimed Swordmaster have been fighting her for centuries and haven't been able to stop her. Even that cursed Prince and your precious Reika are no match for her. What can you possibly do?"

My eyes lowered to the ground, "I have to try. She's targeting Reika now."

I can't let Vira kill her.

The Duchess stared at me for a while before shrugging in defeat, "I will have the sympathizers spread rumors of Elam traveling away from this Kingdom. That will at least get her out of this country. The rest of the Throne competition shouldn't be interfered with anymore."

"What a relief." I turned to her with an ominous smirk, "I guess I should find an outfit to wear then."

"Huh?"

I walked out of the room with a skip in my step, "I have to support my friends during the test."