Still Leaking… 17A

Still not sure what would happen or what Hannah knew, in fact. He wondered if there was a video or a picture out there of last night he didn't know about. He dumped his dinner in his room and went straight to hers. Taking the stairs to the fourth floor. "Hannah!" He called, banging on her door. "Hannah it's Sawyer!"

The door swung open. "Give her a minute she's-"

"What the hell Sawyer? Where did you go?" Hannah appeared, pushing her roommate to the side and closing the door behind them.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Do you?" She folded her arms, worry and annoyance on her face. "You were out all night last night."

"I was at the Fear's Rejection thing."

"I know that. But you were supposed to help me study. You promised."

"I didn't promise."

"You said you would. I came by multiple times and you weren't there, you weren't picking up."

"You know I was with Noelle."

"She was out of it too."

"I'm sorry. I really am."

As she let out a puff of air, she nodded.

"Is that all?" She nodded, he let out a sigh of relief. "Seriously Hannah Barbra." He reached out, his hand pressed the small of her back and he pulled her to him. "You really had me worried."

"I thought you weren't worried." She looked smug, sliding her hands up to his shoulders.

"I was trying not to be. But call after call, text after text. I was even in class. It made it worse." His hand came up to touch her hair. But stopped when he remembered what Noelle told him he did. Instead, he grazed her cheek with his thumb.

"I'm sorry." She pouted. "I didn't think you'd be out so late. I got worried."

Sawyer smiled. "Thanks for worrying about me. But maybe just send the one message next time?" He kissed her.

"I'll try. You look tired." She pointed out, assessing him.

"Not really." He let her go.

"Should we go down to your room? Tell me about last night?"

He flashed a smile. What exactly would he say kept him out till five AM? And he didn't feel like lying. "I've got notes to make. I'll see you tomorrow. Hey, how was your test?"

"I haven't written it yet."

"Then we can still study. I'll see you later." He kissed her cheek and turned around.

"Did you record again? You know, if you listened in class, you wouldn't have to waste another two hours or however long, making notes."

His shoulders shook with laughter. He glanced back at her, smiling. "You're right. Good night Hannah."

She bit her lower lip. "Good night Sawyer."

Finally done with his worries, Sawyer locked himself in his room, had his now cold dinner thanks to the interruption that led to him running up to Hannah's room and settled down to do his school work without having to use his headphones. The privacy, the silence…

He had a fresh headache when he was done. Which made him think Hannah was right. He took a shower and went to his closet for his pajama pants when the book fell out. His eyes moved down to it with a glare. Knowing instantly what it was. He hadn't written in weeks. And why should he? What's the point? She's gone and she's gone and that didn't make sense either. He picked it up with a glare that could be mistaken for hatred and shoved it under his clothes. This feeling of his, the anger he didn't acknowledge or allow himself to recognize made his anger worse. He closed the closet doors and went to bed.

A part of him wanted to write, to bring about the smile on his mother's face, the pout on Peggy's because Tanner, no Tom would annoy her. To make it so she calls him with plans for her fourteenth birthday while also slowly planning her mother's. A part so small it was being drowned out by the ankle high swirling of anger and sadness reminding him that there is no point to it. They're gone after all. That's all it is. A reminder. A heavy one that made what he's always been aware of every moment he wakes up even more so. It made him not want to close his eyes. So he won't feel so empty and alone in the morning when the reminder barges in without asking. He would never be able to stop it. It will be there everyday. Sawyer pulled his duvet over himself and clutched it tight, stiff under it as his thoughts tortured him while he begged it to stop. A deep scowl on his face. He shut his eyes as if keeping out a monster. Convincing himself to fall asleep. Which he did. His body relaxed, his pain gone. Until morning.

***

Richard the therapist, sitting across from Sawyer couldn't help be notice the signs of something being wrong with Sawyer. He'd always known Sawyer wasn't particular about therapy but he always showed up and talked. Sawyer never showed signs of restlessness before. Not even on his first day. Sawyer's forehead creased more than once for no particular reason he can think of even now. Sawyer kept asking what the time was and sighing after every answer that he didn't like. "You don't want to be here." Richard pointed out.

"I'm here aren't I?"

"That's not the point. Why are you upset Sawyer?"

"What makes you think I'm upset?"

"A lot of things actually."

A sigh. "I want to go home. To school I mean. My room. I'm" he raked his hair with his fingers. "Tired. You know what they say about being tired."

"It makes some people cranky. Have you not been sleeping well?"

"I have?" Sawyer shook his legs, glancing down at the clock he couldn't see. The clock's face.

"So what's the problem?"

"Nothing." Sawyer shrugged.

"Are you sure?" Sawyer nodded. "How's Hannah? And your friends? Did anyone annoy you?"

"I'm just tired alright? How much longer?"

"You haven't answered my question."

Another sigh. "They're fine. I saw them all yesterday." If he's going to get through this with much less questions. "It was after my classes for the day and…"

The signs only got worse. He flipped through his notes from their last session. The signs were there. But not this much. Not like this. Not short bursts of anger and an eagerness to leave, not restlessness. Then came something that made sense. "You went to a party on Sunday?"

"It wasn't exactly a party."

"But you got drunk? You said it messed up your Monday. Has it perhaps affected your Tuesday as well?"

"I wouldn't mind a full day of sleep if that's what you're asking."

That ought to explain it. And he has been complaining about the school work load being more. "Perhaps you really should consider paying attention in class. You wouldn't have to spend more time writing later." He caught a brief scowl from Sawyer. Then a scoff. "What?"

"Hannah said that to me yesterday."

He nodded. "It's good advice. Make time for yourself to rest. The recording is just extra work. Although it has its benefits. Perhaps you should choose one. Make notes or record. Not both. That should give you a little more free time."

"Yeah, yeah." Sawyer nodded.

More enthusiastically than necessary to Richard.

"I'll try."

"Good. I hope to see you less cranky next time."

Sawyer scoffed again. "I'll try. Is my time up?"

***

Three days later and Otto and Noelle hadn't seen Sawyer since Monday. The two friends took the familiar path to Sawyer's hostel and to his room. It had been a month since they were in Sawyer's room. Knowing their friend and his disinterest in his cell phone, they came prepared with options. A movie, a game, a party they weren't exactly invited to, or maybe something else. All this of course, after a special surprise they had planned.

"Hey you think he's finally given Hannah Barbra that bracelet?" Otto asked as the entered the hostel building.

"Of course he has. If he hasn't, I'll give her myself."

Otto laughed. "You're that invested in their relationship?"

"No. But he's dragging it on a little too long don't you think?"

Noelle's question wasn't answered. Otto received a message from Wendy. "I'm going to ask Wendy to come join us."

"At his place?"

"Yeah sure why not? Depending on what we're doing. Can we not invite people?"

"We never really have before."

"Yeah. But it's not like a rule. We don't even have rules. Plus she should feel included."

That was suspicious. "Did she say something?"

"She wants to hang with us and not feel left out. She says it always feels kind of awkward."

"It does?"

Otto smirked. "My question exactly. It won't hurt to have her around." They knocked at the same time.

"You're right." She knocked again. "Wade!" The door opened up.

"Ohhhh! Secret password." "It's hardly a secret if we have to yell it." Noelle pointed out.

"Hey guys." "Hey."

"Hey. We got snacks and a movie. Unless you're up for a party." Otto blurted. Only to stop when he noticed that Sawyer was anything but in the mood for a party. Low shoulders, dragging feet… it didn't scream 'let's go out or whatever.' He started to ask what was wrong when Noelle tapped him, stretching her hand out for his phone. There's a possibility that their surprise will lift his shoulders. "I got a call from Tom." He started as he handed Noelle his phone and he moved to the desk to drop their supplies.

"Yeah?" Sawyer rubbed the back of his head, sitting on his bed. "Did he want something?"

"He said someone's been trying to reach you." No one in particular came to mind. "Who?"

"I'm trying to explain here." "If you didn't pause so much, you would be done by now."

"It's called dramatic effect." "Seriously? Right now?" A little pissed off. Perhaps they should leave. He looked at Noelle. "What are you doing?"

"Don't pay attention to me. Listen to Otto."

"Okay." Sawyer moved further into his bed. "What?" Back to Otto.

"He gave this person my number and they got in touch with me."

"Who is this person?" Utterly impatient. "Hi."

Sawyer's eyes darted to the sound he'd heard from the phone in Noelle's hand.

"Hi." Noelle smiled.

"Are you there?"

Noelle rushed towards Sawyer, oblivious to the scowl on his face. "Yeah we are. Here." She stretched out the phone.

"Who is it?"

"Look and you'll see." Noelle urged.

He snatched it. He hadn't intended to. He looked down at it and his scowl vanished. "One."