Pain And… 19C

Sawyer's knuckles were throbbing. His rage nowhere near cooling. He stomped back to his room and closed the door. His friends coming to bang on his door didn't cross his mind. He went to the bathroom and put his hands under running water. The cold water helped soothe the throbbing. Much like his anger, the deep scowl on his face wasn't going away. He looked up at the mirror above his sink. Bruises on his face, his glasses broken. Luckily, he has spares. Besides that, he had no thoughts on what he saw before him.

***

Else where, the next day; elbows on knees, head bent, held on open palms, and eyes staring at the tiled floor and his shoes. Travis had no words after relaying what he knew.

Elias frowned. "Drugs?" He couldn't believe the words left his friend's mouth much less the fact that they were about Sawyer. He was standing by Travis' desk while Travis was sitting on the couch in his office.

"The test came back clean. But there was alcohol."

"The fact that they had to do a test means Sawyer hasn't been himself. Clearly." Travis nodded. "Did you call him?"

"I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do."

This day won't be easy on all of them. Tate was watching Tom. And he made sure to be here with his friend but Sawyer… "I'll call him." He pulled his phone from his pocket. He didn't blame Travis for feeling so helpless.

"Uncle Elias?"

"Hey bud." His eyes stung just hearing his voice. He understood now why Travis didn't know what to say. He didn't either. "How are you?" He got silence. Okay right to the point then. "Your dad got a call from Richard. Said you had to do a drug test?"

Sawyer, leaning against the window in his room, the sun setting behind him, sank down to the floor and clutched a chunk of his hair. Upset that the news reached him. "What happened to doctor, patient confidentiality?"

"Your father is entitled to know."

"And you?"

"I asked." He looked back at Travis. He hadn't raised his head.

"Dad was going to get her sculpting lessons as her birthday present. They had a deal." His voice shook. His face twisted with rage and sadness. "It's not fair."

"I know."

"I miss them so much. There's so much that-" He sniffed.

"It's okay bud."

Travis raised his head when he heard the words. He looked at Elias and stood up. "Put it on speaker."

"It's not okay. They just wanted to order supplies for her room. They were supposed to come back."

"Sawyer."

"Dad." He took off his glasses.

"Hey. Do you need us to come over? Just say the word."

"I feel so empty. And so angry all the time. I'm not- I don't think I'm- I'm not strong enough to handle this."

Travis gripped his friend's shoulder. Not sure he can stand on his own.

"We're coming to get you bud." Elias decided."What difference will it make? Nothing matters. What's the point?"

Travis heart skipped a beat. "Don't say that."

"Sawyer? It matters."

"How? You miss them too don't you?"

Travis answered. "We do. I do."

"It's different knowing they aren't home waiting. They're nowhere."

"Sawyer. Your mother loved you very much. And Peggy did too. They wouldn't want you talking like this. Your mother always encouraged and Peggy always came to you. To make you happy. You're strong enough. You can keep going. We all will." Travis said, trying not to sound as worried as he was.

"I don't want to feel this way."

"I feel it too. So does Tom."

"So do I bud. And Tate and Beatrice and Raina."

"Your aunt. We keep going for them. Because Steph wanted you to keep going. And Peggy wanted you happy."

"Dad." He closed his eyes tight.

"I'm here. Say the word and I'll come get you."

"We'll come get you bud."

He nodded. "Come get me. But I don't want to go home."

Travis looked at Elias. "We'll figure something out. Elias will go get Tom and we can all be together." Elias nodded. "We'll be together. Hang tight alright? We'll see you soon."

Hours later, Elias got a call. The person on the other end was almost, if not as sad as Sawyer.

Sawyer didn't move from the floor even when his room was completely darkened by the night. His hands still hurt a bit. The same questions still on his mind. 'What's the point? Why them?' He looked at his closet for the third time since the call ended, reminded of what his father had said. The closet where his book was waiting under a pile of folded clothes. This time, he was reminded of something else. The reason why he was writing. How could he have forgotten? It was his way to bring them back. A world where everything was fine. A world where Peggy would get her very expected gift from her dad and maybe a party since Tanner- no. Tom, wouldn't let her go out to a party with him. A world full of so many possibilities.

He got up, turned on the torchlight on his phone, went to the closet and fished out the book from where he'd shoved it weeks ago. He didn't look at it with anger. His fingers ran through it as he went to put on the room light. He went to his bed and laid on his stomach, the book on his pillow. He opened the first page, put on his glasses and started reading what he'd written months ago. Wondering why he stopped writing. So much to catch up on. "Happy birthday Pegs." It couldn't go unsaid.