V4 3 - Part D:

I’m waiting for Ms. Leane in my room while I’m sitting on the bed facing the door.

There is no uninet to distract me nor am I in the mood to do anything else.

I couldn’t help but to remember what I did earlier and the gruesome scene that I have saw.

Normally, I do not have any problems watching gory stuff or playing games with extreme gore and violence but seeing that upfront in real life, it's definitely traumatizing.

Not to mention the smell of iron, copper and burnt meat is nauseating.

I definitely won’t be able to eat meat for a while.

Despite all that, the one that traumatized me the most is definitely me killing the guy.

I could not get rid of this guilt and fear that is inside of me.

I could not help but think that I have become a murderer.

I do know that me being a military student and going down the military path, I will eventually have to take someone’s life someday but I did not expect it that it will be this day.

I wasn’t prepared at all.