Chapter 33

all I could do was lay there and shed tears. I didn't even know what I was feeling anymore. Was it fear? Was it anger? Was it hatred? Or is it......vulnerability. Everything felt so much hopeless, and there"s no way to feel better. It felt like there is no way ever to feel good again. I felt worthless, a mere piece of hopeless meat and flesh.

I wanted to build walls around my heart and hide away in its depth.

"I'll be okay," I said lowly, wanting her to leave me alone. I wanted to drown myself in ocean of my sorrows and never come back on surface. I wanted my heart to burn, like fire, and turn myself into ashes, and wanted the wind of death to blew me away.

This....this feeling felt so wrong, so endangered. In one moment I felt sad, depressed, anxious, lonely but in another I felt nothingness. And I want to stay that way. Feeling sad makes me feel trapped, stuck.