Old Times

We spent three hours in the coffee shop. Just like those old times. You know the feeling when you meet someone whom you can talk to about everything? Old people said, when you meet your soul mate, you will feel calm and in peace, instead of feeling fluttering and feels like there are butterflies in your tummy. Because there is this feeling when you just know, you found your partner for life. That is why it gave you the peace feeling on the inside.

'Well, it always nice talking to you' he said. 'I would love to continue our debate regarding Croissant being part of breakfast set and the relation between a cup of tea and lunch. But sadly I have to go now'.

I nodded. 'Sure, no problem. I will be in town for another 5 days. I suppose we can find another time for coffee before I left'.

'Yeah, sure. I will contact you again whenever I am free' he stood up. He stares at me for few seconds and then he said, 'It is always nice to talk to you. You know, about everything'.

I smiled.

Yeah, me too…

We parted. He went to the left to get his car and I went to the right to go to the nearest bus stop. I have never seen sky this gloomy like today. I guess, even the sky is understood about our situation.

I reached my apartment an hour later. I took of my coat and directly went to the washroom. I was too tired to check on my phone. I hate the idea of having a smartphone that is not smart at all. Instead, they are 'loud and annoying'. They always keep on sending you notifications and it never stops. I mean, my life itself have been so hectic. Why would you have the wish to own a smartphone and makes everything even more complicated? A phone is just a phone. It is a platform to communicate with people, only through call and message. Why would you bother yourself and installed social-media apps in your phone? Well I am so sorry for those people who are social-media freak. Do not mean to offend you, but this is my inner thought, though.

I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I looked in the mirror. You have been so strong today.

I walked out and grab a can of beer. I never really like the taste of beer, for my whole life. Though I drink it anyway, but I do not like the taste. It gave me the feeling of wanting to throw up instead of giving me the relax feeling. Some friends found out this is too weird. Because they always see me have a can of beer whenever we have party. I told them I do not like its taste, but it does not bother me that much. They just found out how weird am I. Well, I have never been so normal.

I love my apartment. The idea of buying an apartment in the highest floor was always be my priority. I love the view from a high place. It gave me the feeling that I could take a breath from human downs there. I always love the idea of city in night. The dimmed of the light gave me the peaceful moment. That is why I set my living room near by the balcony. So I can sit and relax while seeing the city in night. A can of beer would be so good for tonight.

He always loves to drink a can of beer. Lucas is a beer maniac, if I have to say. Whenever he is tired, he will always grab a can of beer and just relax. For me it was weird. I mean, the taste of beer itself is not the kind of taste who will give you the feel of peace. A cup of coffee it is. But, he always argues that beer has the power to control his mind to block those problems, and this is why he feels relax whenever he drinks beer. And he never drinks only a can of beer. Instead, he always grabs a cart of beer.

I remember. Three years ago in his apartment, he took out two cans of beer. He looked at me and smiled.

'I was so happy today. So, let's have a drink.'

I punched him. 'You are happy and you want to drink? Where is your idea of a can of beer for depressing moment, oh my dear Lucas?'

He laughed. 'Hey, come on, Louisa! This is why a can of beer is the word, it is the answer. No matter what - happy or sad, a can of beer is always the answer.'

That night we spend by drinking two carts of beers. Well, he drank the most. I only drank 5 out of 12, and I swear I almost threw up three times. He was a little bit tipsy because he drank it so fast. He lied down in the sofa and closed his eyes. He was mumbling something.

'I promise I will stop drinking when I have a family with you, Louisa…'

Then he fell asleep as soon as he finished the sentence. I looked at him as he fell asleep. Both of us realized that we are both different. I prefer career instead of a family, while he is my opposite. He is a family-oriented guy. I could not blame him. I mean, his childhood was awesome if you want to compare with my one. And I am happy for him for that. But, I am just a skeptical person who does not believe with the idea of having a family. The idea of stuck with one person and spend the rest of your life with them is already giving me a nightmare. And now you tell me I have to have children? No way.

I agreed. It is all because of my childhood past, that made me so skeptical to build my own family. I have this fear of having my child to experience the same kind of life just like mine. I would feel terribly guilty just imagining it. I had a not-so-good childhood and I do not want my child to experience the same thing. Is it too much to ask?

Meanwhile, Lucas came from a happy family background. From the stories he told me, he was so close with his family. They tend to spend lots of time together. Just catching up with their own life and shared some funny jokes. Their big family is supporting each other, and they even have their own dress code for every event. A good example is Chinese New Year. He said, a week before Chinese New Year, his whole family will sit down together in a living room and start to discuss what to wear as a family for Chinese New Year. It has always been a tradition for them to dress up. Unlike me, Chinese New Year is one family event that I would love to avoid each year.

We both know we are not the same. We both know we have a different point of view about life. But we never knew it would be a problem for our relationship. We were to naïve that time. We thought we would find the answer for this as time goes by. But what struck me the most is, how do you expect a square to fit in a star? It is something that they called, impossible.

As I tucked him in to his bed, I smiled. The idea of being with him itself was fascinating. You have no idea of how many jealous girls out there when they found out we were in a relationship. They were crazy about this fact and some of them even cried and cussed me. Of course I cussed them back...