13. I MISS YOU

"Eat this bread. Maybe it's just a little but hopefully it will fill you up, okay?" exclaimed a woman with hair in Cepol. Thin hairs were near his face. The face that looks lethargic is very clearly depicted. Jihan's hand took the bread and tore it and then he put the bread little by little into his mouth. He chewed with pleasure. It was enough to fill his stomach a little. After finishing the woman brought water for Jihan. Jihan immediately drank it. "It's cold outside, isn't it? Oh yeah, what's your name?" asked the woman with a friendly face. "My name is Jihan and what is your name?" "My name is Julia and this is my daughter Lucy six years and William four years," explained Julia with a shining face. He seemed happy with Jihan's presence. Jihan waved his hand beside his cheek. He tried to be friendly to the two children. "So you live here? Only you?" Jihan asked looking around the small house. "Yes, my husband left me and my children. So I am an employee at a burger restaurant across the street and I take care of my two children. We have lived here for three years," Julia explained with a sad face but she tried to smile in front of Jihan. Jean just nodded. He is ashamed of himself. He should have run away from his father long ago. He should be able to live alone without his father and live well with a normal job. Jihan felt very sorry that he just got the strength to run away from his father. "Hey Jihan? Are you daydreaming? What are you thinking?" asked Julia holding Jihan's upper arm. Lucy and William looked curious about Jihan's face. The girl with long hair took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I am ashamed of all of you. I am a night butterfly. For one year I became a night woman and a father who made me like this," Jihan's hoarse voice began to sound. He swallowed his saliva to hold back his tears. "I should have run away long ago and be able to work normally. I'm sorry I just ran away after doing my dark job," Jihan looked down and tears fell instantly. But he quickly wiped away his tears. Julia stroked Jihan's back gently. Julia saw how miserable Jihan's life was. "Don't cry, don't hold it in," said Julia while stroking Jihan's back. Jihan lifted his head. "No, no I don't want to cry anymore. I hate crying. I don't like it when I'm weak," Jihan said trying to smile. Julia looked at Jihan with pity. Meanwhile, Jihan felt better after talking to the woman in front of him.

"So where's your mother?" asked Julia suddenly making Jihan gape. Jihan was confused about what to say. "I don't know where my mother is. I've never even seen her," Jihan replied with a fake smile. As if laughing at his own life. "So what's the story?" "Yeah, my dad doesn't want to tell me anything about my mom. So I don't really know," said Jihan flatly. "You never looked for him?" asked Julia making Jihan pensive. The thin lips fell silent. While his eyes stared blankly. Jihan's mind began to search for answers. He never even looked for his mother. But why didn't he take any action to find his mother? Jihan started blaming himself. Jihan felt he was hit by a big hammer on his head. He was completely awakened by a question that had never been addressed to him. Now that question made him so sad. "I've never looked for her. Don't ask why I never looked for her. I don't know the answer," Jihan explained, looking at the face of Julia, a woman without a husband. Julia looked at the girl in front of her calmly. His hand touched Jihan's arm gently. Then stroked trying to make Jihan calmer. "It's okay Jihan. I won't ask about it. But remember that you are in this world because of your mother. Your mother gave birth to you with difficulty. She even carried you until the age of nine months. It was very heavy Jihan. During that time your mother seemed to be carrying a heavy burden up to three pounds or even four pounds while you're still in the stomach," Julia explained in a soft voice. Sounds similar to experienced mothers. Jihan exhaled as if to make himself more comfortable. "I can only advise you. Maybe right now your mother misses you. You don't want to live without knowing your mother's face. One day you will definitely miss your mother very much. I hope you try to find your mother," said Julia and then sucked her lips. He really hopes that one day Jihan can meet his mother. "Thank you very much Julia. I wish I could do that," said Jihan curtly. He also doesn't know how to find his mother. The night was very cold and increasingly lonely. Outside the vehicle noise is also almost non-existent. Jihan lay with Julia and Julia's two little children. Yes they sleep in the same place. The thin mattress made them cold but they couldn't dodge their fate. They could only wrap themselves around themselves while curled up.

Only Jihan's eyes did not sleep. Everyone on the bed was asleep with their eyes closed. Jihan really felt uncomfortable. He was tired but his eyes could not be friendly. His mind kept spinning. There were many images in his mind. Jihan was confused after escaping from this city what he would work as. He is also afraid to merge with other humans. He also imagined what his mother's face would look like. Is the mother big-eyed or slanted. Thin-faced or plump body. Does her face look like hers? Or is his mother dead? The question made Jihan's chest very shocked. He breathed hard. His body sat up on its own quickly. Stand up and walk to the door and open it in one motion. He came out and took a breath. That was enough to make him a little relieved. Although he felt his body cold. But he tried to hug his own body warmly. Suddenly his eyelids dripped with warm water. His finger tried to wipe the corner of his eye. But the more he did it. More and more tears flowed down her white cheeks. Jihan thought hard. Why hasn't he tried to find his mother all this time? Jihan started talking to himself. "I will be very sorry if my mother dies. Oh my God, don't let that happen to me. I can't live like that. Maybe my mother is the only one in my family who can make me comfortable. Because my father doesn't make me comfortable at all. I really hope to find mother. I want to hug my mother warmly. I want to be like other children who can feel how tender mother's love is." That night Jihan could only stare at the vast sky and couldn't close his eyes at all for several hours. But after that he fell asleep alone outside.