How could I forget the torture?

Thanks to Max and thank you for this. This is just my world, somewhere inside of myself, Elia said silently. She sprouted and spit out the sand that entered her mouth and then coughed a few times because there were a few grains of sand almost into the esophagus. It feels sore.

Elia raised her head and body. Her voice growled. Her hand gripped the sand as if it could make her gain the strength to return upright.

From her stomach, Elia was finally able to sit down. Her shoulders were up and down as she was still struggling to adjust her breathing. Elia groped her chest. The dagger that shocked her was no longer there. Disappeared without a trace. There is only fear, anger, feelings of betrayal, and hatred that are now burning.

"What's wrong with me having to have this kind of life?"

Elia laughed sadly until she roared. The ocean in front of her had already disappeared, there was only a desert. The cold wind blew carrying the grains of sand sticking stickily to her face. Annoyed at the abnormal circumstances and situations, she punched the visible sand under her eyes.

"How to kill your mother? is she the same person who gave birth to me?"

Elia has a twisted memory. Some sweet scenes give her doubts that it is the same person who has made her a ritual puppet. There are also some heroic scenes of the mother saving her from small things, such as almost falling pots, almost being hit by a motorcycle, and also not being able to pick up things at high altitudes as a child. The small scenes made her feel that her mother was her hero. Yet it was all like just a dream, her body and memory shivered as the gaze of the same person's eyes changed every time she entered the ritual moment.

Who is that person? She took my blood as if my blood would never stop flowing, who is she? Is she the same person who has provided me with healthy food? or is all that food and heroic attitude just acting? She was just keeping her precious living doll? Could I?

The sand under Elia's eyes began to receive teardrops that were originally only one or two drops, finally draining. The flood of tears occurred in a few moments.

"Isn't my life worth it too?!"

Elia went berserk! Asking who she was desperately asking, her protest might be aimed at the universe because she shouted it to the sky, even if the blood-red black sky could be called the sky. If it turns out that it is darkness in Elia's own heart, is there any way out of the problem?

Elia was in a state of being swayed by her feelings. She was in a position to look up to the sky for a few minutes. Until then she came to her senses and recalled Dalang's question, "What do you want to do in your life?"

The question is more or less so, right? Elia looked down, pondering.

Elia raised both palms almost like she was willing to pray, but her heart was too dark now to pray. Her gaze has now turned wild. Maybe like a wolf who is ready to die to maintain her pride. She shook off her palms plastered with sand. She also rubbed her wet face with her elbows and arms.

What kind of weird clothes are these? I only realized from just now on only wearing this piece of cloth, Elia grumbled when she saw her body wrapped in a loose white canal.

Elia then cross-legged, staring straight ahead. Elia began to wander again, "Can't my life be mine completely? how to do it? I have myself completely and never again be controlled by her, a way that I can refuse as her puppet. Well, that's why I want to kill her so that I won't be controlled by her."

Elia pondered deeper and deeper.

"I tried a few times but always failed. I even tried to kill myself because I felt it was better to die than to be a puppet. It failed, somehow I'm still alive. Slicing my hand until I hanged myself, all of it had no trace of it. Today I remember all that again. How do I do it? Why can I forget all of that? Living life as if nothing had happened in my life and thinking that everything that happened was just a fantasy? How could I forget the torture?"

Elia began to think about many things while remembering what happened in the past. She tried to find out the reason why she could forget. There was a black shadow in her memory, but she couldn't clearly remember whose shadow it was.

What did she do to me? What was that just now?

Elia tried to clarify the visuals in her memory. It couldn't be seen, everything was vague, that person and what she was doing happened behind the black and white curtain.

"Could it be hypnosis or some kind of memory-erasing ability? It wasn't impossible since Max himself said me and him were half-stealthy, then Theria could travel such a short time and space, then this dimensional space, this Ruang Hampa, proved that anything was possible. If the creature that was with my mom can erase memories, make my wounds heal quickly, and make me feel no pain from the torture... Then, everything makes sense! It means that there is also something behind my mom's death whose strength is greater than my own mother's strength! No, that woman, the monster couldn't possibly die that easily. One of the reasons why I didn't want to go to the Autopsy Department that day was that I couldn't believe she was dead either. It's impossible!"

Elia rose to his feet. As if she had just discovered the answer to the world's greatest mystery, Elia was both excited and eager to rise.

"I haven't forgotten. Someone made me forget. My subconscious is strong enough to maintain some things, which is why at this time it can all come back to remember, in a meditative moment, pent-up things can rise again to the surface. This is the cleaning process itself, it's all real! And should I forgive? Even if I could forgive, should I leave it? not! She can't do it to another child. Who knows, when she consciously failed to use me as a puppet, now she is trying to use someone else's child. That kid... no, I can't let it go."

Elia clenched his fists.

"I have to go back and tell Max everything. There must be a reason why Max can't feel the creature that was with my mom or didn't feel the terrible changes that happened to my mother. As Max says, some creatures hide their identity, their true strength, and their true form, and then mingle among humans. Well, surely that's the reason, Max was also deceived by it. In that case, I have to become stronger to deal with it. So that I don't control her anymore. If we face off again, I should be able to deal with it. Max or Melianor probably knew how much power the creature was. Therefore I have to go out as soon as possible and look for the creature. The creature must be wiped out first, she is the main barrier so that I can stop the demon side in my mom."

Elia looked around. There is only a stretch of sand and the sky is blood-red black.

"Could it be that I had to face that terrible shadow first to get out of here like I beat up that spider-like creature? Maybe this is some kind of level-up test, can or can't I defeat a stronger enemy in another world later. In that case, I have to present the visual again, and then deal with it."

Elia then pondered, touching her chin exactly like Detective Conan was thinking. A glimmer of ideas occurred in Elia's head. She felt the idea was like a great invention. In a variety of folklore, dramas, and anime, all the protagonists become stronger after they do the exercises.

"Had I done it, maybe I could have been stronger and could have beaten the monster. The level of the enemy I am facing right now is my fear. This time the creature's face is very similar to my mother's, I will be caught off guard when I see her as my mom, so I have to mentally train and look at her as a monster. By the way, can physical exercise strengthen mentally as well?"

Elia remembered that the woman had a look that could paralyze her courage. Elia realized she had to conquer that deadly gaze first.

"If I can't face her gaze then I won't be able to see how she moves the dagger. I have to have strong confidence to deal with it," Elia exclaimed, repeating the main point to herself like a mantra.

When the spell was enough to burn the spirit, Elia took a deep breath. She exhaled it calmly, slowly through her mouth. She did it a hundred times. The move made her mind calmer and her body more relaxed. Then she prepares physically with push-ups and sit-ups 100 times each. During that time, she thickened her determination, "What I killed was not my mom, but the monster!"

"Fortunately I still remember the physical exercise menu I got from my fitness trainer, it's quite useful in any situation I guess," Elia can smile now.

Elia jumped to her feet from her push-up position.

"Maybe it won't be useful but who knows if I don't try it. Even if this is just a visual created by the subconscious, the sweat that floods my body is proof that all this has a special meaning. Well, later I will learn about this world. Now I have the motivation to live."

Elia laughed at her life which changed not the way she wanted it to be.

"That's right, it can't be this way, being overshadowed by fear, disgust, and resentment towards the monster made my life stagnate and my mind was torn apart to the point that I didn't know what to do."