WITH THE J

"When someone knocks you down, you don't stay down. You get up and you fight for what you believe in. And if you always do that, know that I will always be in your corner Feli. No matter what, you will always have me."

I blink my eyes rapidly to dismiss the tears which were forming in my eyes before looking at J with a big, wobbly smile.

He snatches the picture from me with eyes of anger to see what was making me so emotional. His eyes soften however when he realises it's just a picture of people he didn't recognise like the ones before.

"That's him." I say pointing to Julian. He studies him with an expression quiet different than the ones he held for my siblings.

He brings the picture closer, looking at him before looking up at me for explanation. I frown with my own layer of confusion. What did he want me to tell him? What did he want to know?

J releases an aggravated sigh before shaking his head and grabbing the other photos. He shuffles through them before finding the one of me and Peter. He puts the images next to each other and holds them up to me. He points at Julian and then Peter and then Julian again. When it finally clicks I can't help but laugh.

"No, they're not the same person." I say through light chuckles. "Peter is my brother, Julian is my dad. Julian had Peter after Damon."

He looks at me after my explanation looking just as lost as when he saw the picture. Then a face of realisation dawns on him and he holds up the picture of Hagen and Josey.

Goddess my mate is adorable.

"They're not twins J." I say with a fond smile. "Father and son."

He doesn't look like he would be understanding the difference between them anytime soon so I don't bother pestering him on it. It was occasions like this where he couldn't explain what he wanted well enough for me to understand and we'd just have to drop it.

He then returns to the picture of me and my dads and points to the large man on my right and looks up to me.

"That's Aiden." I start as I look at my dad. "Everyone loves him. To the pack, he's more than an alpha, he's a friend. He's the pack mascot, warrior and leader all in one and with dad by his side, he's unstoppable.

… … … he's my hero."

-----flashback-----

Screams.

All I could hear were screams.

For the first time in months, I could hear the screams of someone else besides myself. They were everywhere all at once making my heart race with the knowledge that I'd be joining them soon.

The room was still dark, it was always dark. And I was always stuck, stuck to this table that I couldn't move from.

I stopped waiting for someone to come save me, there was nobody left to come for me.

Nobody but Jayson. …

The thought of him makes my chest squeeze itself, the air I was desperately gasping for escaping me because of the muzzle I wore.

I should've listen to Jayson, I shouldn't have been so stupid.

I miss him.. …

A door swings open, allowing light to my eyes for the first time in months.

It burns. I release a small cry I wish I didn't as I shut my eyes close, wishing to disappear this very moment.

I could hear the cries of others louder than before now, I hated it cause it sounded just like the ones the night mama and papa died.

Rushed steps bring someone close to me. My chest pushes painfully against the leather strap across my frame. I didn't want to go through anything else, I just wanted to be with Jayson.

"We don't have much time, open your eyes kid." I hear a rough voice say and I bite my lips to stiffle my cries.

When I don't listen they groan with annoyance before tearing the strap from my chest. A loud scream makes its way past the muzzle when something drives its way into my heart.

My eyes water uncontrollably as small sobs escape me. Something was spreading through me, making me feel itchy and cold inside.

"Stay still or it'll hurt more." He says before slamming my head down on the table.

Everything becomes fuzzy then.

All I could feel was the pain that was bleeding it's way through my head on the inside.

I barely felt the needle enter my eye, I didn't fight it or cry anymore.

Everything was too much and I didn't want to fight anymore. Nothing good ever happened when I fought, I just ended up hurt and alone.

… … I just want it all to end.

Why couldn't it all just stop?

Why did I just keep getting hurt?

I want to go home.

I want my mama.

I want my papa.

I want Jayson..

Crack

The sound snaps me back to the present when I realise the man was no longer above me. Instead, there was someone on him, someone hitting him. … … someone that saved me.

I watch the punishment with wide eyes, catching glimpses of the fiery red eyes the man had. He looked scary but I didn't feel scared.

"Don't worry I'm not going to kill you." The man says with a deep, almost happy voice. He had a smile to match. "I'm going to take my time repaying you for what you've done to me, I prepared a room for you in the dungeons back home. It's dark just like you like it, has all your favourite tools and some of my own. I'll break you, the same way you broke me."

He slams his head into the wall the same way the man did to me. He breathes heavily like i was, our chest rising and falling at the same time.

Then he looks to me and I freeze.

He takes two steps to me and quickly rips the muzzle off, instinct takes over and I sink my teeth into his hand. He hisses in pain before pushing my head away.

Why did I just do that?

He saved me. He's a good guy.

He's not one of the bad ones.

The man looks at his hand angrily before look at me. He's going to hurt me. I begin to push frantically against the restraints but freeze when he speaks.

"Did you not see me take him out? I'm on your side!" He shouts and I feel my insides curl. I felt scared inside but for some reason I wanted nothing more than to hurt him like they hurt me.

You can't trust anyone but yourself.

They are all bad and they will all hurt you.

Hurt them before they hurt you.

I shiver at the cold voice which fills my thoughts and enters my soul. I try pushing it away but it just grows louder and louder.

Hurt him.

"I know you don't know me but I'm not a rogue, so don't attack. I'm going to take off the restraints okay?" The man says, but I barely hear him over the voice in my head.

Make them feel the pain you felt.

The man pulls the bands off until im completely free. I want to run to him. Hold onto him and never let go because he saved me.

But I don't.

My body takes me to the knife I see on the table and it drives it towards him. I pray to Goddess that it doesn't hit him and it doesn't.

Instead, it turns dark suddenly but I don't panic, because I knew I'm safe.

---------end of flashback-------

I blink rapidly to bring myself back to reality. I look around now confused as to what happened and where I was.

My eyes find J. My body tight against him as he whines with worry. His hands holding my face as his dark orbs search my own.

I want to assure him that I'm fine but I can't. My mind was a mess and I could barely put together all the memories that just pushed it's way back to surface.

I hold onto him tightly as he runs my back gently, pressing kisses all over me as he drowned me in the love and safety I so desperately needed right now.

But I couldn't focus on my mate or anything he did as much as I wanted to. Not with the name that was still running it's way through my mind.

Jayson

Who is he? And why did I need him?