Trouble Weaver

It almost seemed she had composed herself, dropping her shoulders, as silent as a mouse for once. But she kept that glare on me, perhaps in hopes I may elaborate, perhaps in hopes I may spark a quarrel with her. Because we would always find ways to fight about matters less relevant, such as leaving a drop of OJ in the fridge, or tracking mud into the house… Well, maybe her disregard for leaving her gardening shoes indoors wasn't exactly trivial. At times, I felt as if she annoyed me purposefully, like right now. She could have at least changed my street clothes, or tossed me on the couch; Hange knew how much I despised being in bed with outside filth swarming in my bed sheets.

And so I slipped out of bed, the weight on my legs nearly unbearable, and proceeded to strip the covers off. With every passing second, her itch to confront me poked me from behind, and as soon as I turned with a ball of sheets in my chest, I walked into a pair of pillows over crossed arms. My face bounced off her cleavage, instantly forcing me to drop my load between us. It left me with an undeniable bright hue on my face as I rubbed my nose, counting the amount of times she approached me in that manner. I was sure she felt some sort of dominance, but I don't think she was that much taller than me. Not as much as she wanted to believe.

"So, that's it?"

"That's what?" I questioned, and before I could speak another word, she grabbed my collar and slammed me into the mattress. From the beginning, I knew Hange was much stronger than I, a possible attraction I must admit. But she would never exercise that feat against me, until today. For a short moment I felt overwhelmed, more so shocked she lifted me with ease and assaulted me. I should be furious, but instead, I was shamefully turned on.

But then, she ran her mouth, "Stop what?! Stop being your wife? Just come out and say it already! Why don't you just get rid of me then, huh, Levi? This is your house! Kick me out then! Or don't you have the balls to tell me you want a divorce?!"

With her grip still dangerously close to my neck, I figured I should choose my words wisely, but in all honesty, I didn't know what to say. From the aura she fed me, her emotions had sky rocketed, and I felt compelled to keep my own in check before I made matters worse. On the other hand, she did deserve to know I probably wasn't ready for this…

"Answer me!"

"Hange, I don't want to part with you." Conflicted, but I guess I meant what I said. I looked at her sincerely, droplets of tears already surfacing her lenses. She then released me, turned around to sob in weakness. She tossed her glasses on my nightstand and kept her distance, her back facing me. There was a moment of silent sniffles, not awkward enough to have made me exit the room in regret. Instead, I wanted to comfort her, but in the same time, lay my position on the table. I sighed, standing up on my droopy legs, scratching the back of my head.

"I know you're a closed book, Levi. I know you don't like talking about pretty much anything in your life. But I deserve to know why you're always so withdrawn with me. Me, your wife. The more I show you I love you, the further away you shirk back or shun me."

"Hange, just because you've acquired this new title doesn't mean you have to change your attitude towards me. Before our engagement, you were dependent, focused, so engrossed in your research that I barely existed. And now you've become overbearing. So much so you expected me to change as well."

She veered to me, face flushed red. "Well maybe I thought that was something I needed to change! I hardly gave you any of my time! When I proposed to you, I promised you I would be better. I promised I would share my life with you, involve you in my work, in my hobbies, in my world. That's what being together is about. And…" She sunk her head. "That night I came back from visiting my folks up north... something felt off."

"What?" I approached her.

She clenched her arms, shielding her face with her heavy bangs. "I thought better of you Levi. I thought, at the very least, you would have told me by now…"

"Told you what, Hange?"

"After weeks of trying to get you to open up with me, trying to get you to even embrace me lovingly. I can't get you to have sex with me let alone sleep in the same bed with me. And then I leave for a couple days, just to come back and sense the presence of some other woman having been with my husband."

I took her shoulders. "Hange, there is no other woman."

"Don't lie to me Levi!" She barked, slapping me firmly on my face. "I tried to endure, I tried to cope with it, but I can't keep silent anymore!"

"Hange…"

"You can't even look me in the eyes anymore and say you love me! Then some skank waltzes in here and you give her the time of her life! How many knives are you going to plunge in my back before you say it's enough, Levi?!"

"Hange!" I grabbed her flailing wrists and pulled her into me. There was no other woman in my life, and that was a fact. I was not lying to her, and she needed to know that. I wanted her to feel secure in her importance to me. And so I brushed her tears away, caressing her face in that wholesome passion she so desperately wanted. I gazed into her hazel brown eyes, and told her once more, sternly, "There is no other woman. I promise you." She looked at me intensely, and I allowed her to read the truth off my face. Her body settled down in shivering, and she finally let out a reviving breath. I wiped the tears off her lenses, stroked my fingers over her wet bangs, and mounted her glasses over her clearing eyes. "You are being paranoid. Whatever notion you have of what happened during your departure, please leave it to rest."

"Levi, I'm sorry for—"

"Don't be. I deserved a little abuse. After all, you're right about being distant. I'm the one who should be apologizing. It's just, this entire setting is still new to me and I—" I muffled, her lips unexpectedly grazing against mine.

"You don't have to explain anything. I know I rushed you into this, and we are still sort of newlyweds, so I will give you the time you need to gradually situate yourself. But I want you to try a bit harder, Levi. I want you to open up to me from time to time, and, this bedroom arrangement. We can have separate beds for now, but can we think about not having separate rooms? And, I'd like you to touch me every now and again. I'm not asking for much, am I?"

"Of course not, Hange."

I thought if she kissed me, I would have felt something by now…