The Muse

Another period of grievance—became somewhat of a familiar territory by now. I was released from the hospital days ago, enough time for them to burn my dearest Elga into ashes and sprinkle her remains along a coastline. It was her will, and I was to fulfill it to the best I was able. I owed her that much for everything she's done for me, for everything she was—a wise, hardworking, caring woman. She didn't deserve the death she was given. Elga had helped me stabilize into fortune, and aided me further in discovering humility. Sure, she had treated me like a child from time to time, but a bit of scolding and straightening out never hurt anybody. Hange also grew close to the sweet-faced grandam, as she was an expert in the garden, a hobby Hange quickly fell in love with on her behalf.

No charges were pressed, but I was temporarily removed from the task force, a motion Hange wanted permanent due to my unhealthy mentality. For I was a broken old man in need of extended rest. I'd go mad before reposed. Nevertheless I sat there, amid imperial décor, warm candles, and my elixir of fine whiskey. The family room was as quiet as a canvas, and I painted my serenity with shot after shot of paradise.

My eyes glanced over to the high pane windows, the dark inflated clouds staring back at me. And so I kept my mudded greys on them, craning my tired head back against the cushion, reposed.

"Have you found refuge in your drinking, Levi?" Hange questioned as she walked in. I hadn't heard the front door close, though she swung her purse over the loveseat across me and stripped off her beige sweater.

"Not yet, I suppose." My eyes drew closed, and in my darkness I could feel her approaching me. She plopped to my side, her hand cupping mine as she leaned into my shoulder. "Two deaths, two funerals, two bottles. Why don't you cut me some slack, hmm, Zoe?"

"I didn't come here to fight, Ackerman." Her hand reached across me and took the filled shot glass from the armrest. She guzzled it down before pouring herself another. "I think I'm losing my fucking mind," she sobbed, slipping into a soft chuckle.

I peeled my eyes open, took her face in my palm, and gazed at her lovingly.

At that moment I felt utterly vulnerable. It seemed everyone I cared for was slipping away. But I couldn't lose her, no… not Hange. She was all I had left, yet I couldn't shed a tear before her. I always felt I needed to erect this guard in front of my wife, as I do with others. Never letting her in, never budging not once. Yet, she could read the yearning in my touch, the frailty in my eyes. I wanted her now more than ever. Resting my forehead on hers, I gave her an earnest mien, then broke into a playful chuckle. "I think we are all losing our minds."

She giggled, I too laughing softly before planting a gentle kiss on her lips.

Her tender warm lips…

A kiss that sent the blood rushing through my veins. It was an unexpected surge of adrenaline that forced my lips harder into hers, my tongue gliding violently inside her mouth with vehemence. I reached over my shoulders and pulled off my jacket from behind, Hange dropping the glass on carpet at my cogency. No words were exchanged between us, just unspoken thirst for carnal pleasure.

I bet she was taken back, I bet she wasn't ready, for she looked at me with bewilderment as I took her down and unclasped her blouse. She would play fair, a sly smile tucked in the crease of her lipstick-smeared lips. No sooner than I undressed her did she snatch me in by my cravat, and I would plunge my breath into her neck, and suckled hard on her flesh. If there's one thing I admired about my brainy brunette, was her taste for pain. And she'd find ways to hurt me also, digging her nails down my chest as I grazed my bulge over her puckered panties. Her shallow panting kept me heated, as the steam from her hot breaths fogged up her nerdy glasses. I hooked my fingers along the sides of her hips, ready to run the mile with that whiskey sex juice, until a sharp throbbing flung my hands over my head. I peeled off Hange from the instant pain, rapid flashbacks keeping me tousled.

"Levi? Levi are you all right?" Hange churned a look of concern and fright.

I shook my head, the pain fazing away. "Yeah, I'm fine." Upon looking up to her again I noticed she still flashed me fearsome eyes, as if she had seen a ghost. The tickle beneath my nose gave her a reason, and I'd wipe it with the back of my finger to realize I was bleeding.

"I'll get you a tow—"

"—No, it's fine." A night of passion postponed for a bit of bleeding, a bit of bleeding that soon turned into an alarming gush of blood. But of course I had to hide that before Hange, palming my nose as I headed for the bathroom.

It went without question that I certainly deflated. I was sure she was disappointed, but I was even more so discomfited.