CHAPTER 15 (2)

Satsuki's confusion of feelings - 2

As soon as I went to my place, I saw a lot of designs that they were asking me to draw and I quickly sat on my chair and I put my head in front of the computer. Harumi raised her eyebrows at me and she chuckled at me, “Still alive, there?” She asked me and I only pouted at her and I shook my head, “No...I had many requirements...I miss drawings in my BL.”

“Same. I was also asked to do Feature Writing, Editorial, and Reporting in my Journalism. Then I also have this job as a Photo Journalist as an intern here in the company. Sometimes, I just want to become sushi!” Harumi shouted and she joked about it and I hugged her. I felt her complaints. I’m also tired.

About the website that I’ve been coding, I suddenly wanted to cry just by seeing those. The truth is, I was a former Computer Engineering student in Mistral. I used to study at Mistral Intellectual University of Manila and I once took BS in Computer Engineering and I managed at first sem but I don’t have any rest whenever I’m creating my codes in designing websites and how to operate the program that we’re asked to. It wasn’t something that I wanted. Because I have to do a lot of c++, java, javascript, and so on. Damn, my mind was about to explode you know! It's a good thing that when I become a graphic designer student I was only thinking about designing the websites not about analyzing and how to do a ton of codes in the program instead I was just focused on designing. And we’re more focused on portfolio designs because we’re graphic designers technically.

I have suddenly felt chills when I felt Chang Heng’s strawberry milkshake on my head and he got some ramen on me. On top of that, it was tonkotsu ramen my favorite! He got closer to me and he hissed, “You better take care of yourself, fujioshi girl.” He answered and his brows frowned at me. What was that? Why does he have to act so grumpy again? I don’t get him. I don’t know what’s his problem honestly.

“He got another way to show how he likes you, huh?” Harumi asked me and she laughed at me.

“Yuck! You’re quite crazy to think that way.” I told her and Chang Heng glared at me and I gulped at him and I suddenly grabbed the strawberry milkshake and the ramen that he got for me. Is he helping me? More like glaring at me! What’s his problem?

Robert bumped him and he smirked at him and he started teasing him, “Hey bro. Your kind of sweetness was quite different from the other girls and 57th girl huh? Haha, you’re making me laugh!”

What’s their problem? Why are they thinking that I have some feelings for Chang Heng? That’s not possible! Haha, that would be impossible because no way will happen. I could never fall in love with some fake lover that I had now am I? Plus we’re just in a contractual relationship that’s all I know. So how can I fall for him? I’m a fujioshi, on top of that I’m just a weird otaku. And he’s a normal man. And he’s just someone that I fantasize about as my bottom character. I gripped my chest and I couldn’t stop myself from blushing because of Robert and Chang Heng’s conversation. It’s not like I was interested in their conversation..it’s just I would never fall in love with him. N—Never!

Plus, we got an agreement. And I don’t forget why I enter this kind of relationship anyway. That we’re just nothing but a relationship without any label. This is just a fake relationship anyways. I just only agreed to be in this contractual relationship because of the sake of my BL. If you think about it, we’re not that different from the people who just had flings or friends with benefits. For me to fall in love, that will never happen. He’s confusing me. I shouldn’t be like this but why does he get a big effect on me? Is it because he doesn’t care even if I was the kind of girl who eats a lot? Is it because he doesn’t look at my physical appearance? And even though I’m a weird otaku who was obsessed with BL, that he was the kind of person who is willing to listen about my obsession of mine as a fujoshi?

You can’t fall in love with him, Satsuki. You made a promise to someone. You’d promise that you’d wait for him so stop confusing your feelings. Harumi fixed her camera and she sighed, “Satchan...you’ve been acting weird these days...Don’t tell me that you’re..”

“No way!” I suddenly shouted at her and I gripped my hair and I laughed at her, “Impossible. There’s no way that he’d fall in love with me...a fujioshi like me..it will never happen.”

Harumi looked around and she sighed and she decided to stay in my place, “I guess I’ll stay here for a while. We need to talk about this. Do you think that I didn’t notice you and him getting close lately? As your friend, I’m worried about you.” She said seriously

I have never seen her scold me like this before. But I guess we need to talk about it. I used to be more open about my secrets once. When did it stop? The three of us were always been together and I was always with them and I’m just content in that way. But when I came into this company, everything has changed. Have I been lying to myself all this time? I just can’t win to Harumi. She was too pure, and she was always been our baby in our group. Something like this..she can never understand this.I have to deal with this on my own. This is my problem.

“Trust me Harumi. I’ll be fine..I’ll definitely figure out this feelings once and for all. Just put your trust on me. I promise you I won’t be hurt.” I tried to smile at her as if I wasn’t really affected by it. But the truth is, I am really affected. I guess this is the time for me to stop this game of love. I should stop playing around with my feelings now.

Stop this deal already Satsuki Mariangela. You can’t fall in love with him. His world is way different from you. He’s the son of the President of this company. He’s popular with girls too. And you, you were just nothing but a trash. Your parents pushed you away already. And you’re just a girl who eats a lot. On top of that, you’re just a weird otaku. And you’re just a fujioshi and a BL Writer. Do you actually think that a hottie like him can fall for you? When you two were just nothing but a friends with benefits, huh? You don’t even have a proper relationship with him. What you two had was nothing but pure intimacy. You don’t have any label in your relationship too.

When did I started falling in love with him like this? Please, stop falling in love with him even more deeper.He’s a 3D, and I’m a fictophilia..why would I fall in love with a real man?