Chapter 75

(Max's POV)

My day had started quite well but having those sneaky images in my mind had changed my day.I had just fired my personal secretary.I had to leave the office or I would end up firing my staff.We were heading to the parking, my guards accompanying we when a black car sped into the office compound.The guards got alarmed and they all surrounded me, guns in their hands and ready to fire.

The car was parked some meters from the huge gate.A young lady, tall and pale looking, blonde haired, beautiful in a very short and tight denim dress walked out of the car.

I recognized her at once it was her....it was Renna.As she approached me, a certain feeling erupted within me.I always knew that I still loved her.She was my first and she never feared me when many girls did.Looking at her eyes now, I realized that I still loved her but I wasn't sure about having her back in my life.

"Max..."she called to me.Her voice was still very tender and sweet as well but I couldn't respond.I looked straight at her eyes as she spoke.She was more matured, more beautiful.

"Max, am so sorry for everything,"she began again and I knew that she was trying to get back to me.But I wouldn't let her.Ofcourse I loved her but I loved Ammy more.

"It's fine but leave my office and never show your senseless self near any of my properties,"I knew that was harsh but if I had to keep her away from me then I had to.She looked at me wide eyed and fear stricken and that disappointed me.She had never been afraid of me so what changed.In anger, I walked towards the car and settled at the back seat leaving her still standing at the same spot.I had to see my doctor who is also my therapist.I was actually feeling like I was running mad and I really needed help.

"Maggie's Therapy Practise...no escort needed,"I gave my order and Sham passed the message to the other guards.

The car drove off the office premises and headed towards the councelling centre.It was a half an hour drive and we arrived at the destination.I alighted the car, did a quick eye survey of the place before walking inside.How I hated anything to do with therapy but I had to do this one.Atleast understand what was happening with me.

"Maxwell, thank you for coming, I would have had it rough if I was to come to you instead,"the middle aged lady spoke smiling at me and I shortly returned the smile as I sat opposite her.

"How have you been Maxwell, it's been very long,"she asked still smiling warmly at me.Indeed it had been.

"Fine..."I responded curtly and looked straight at her.

"Coffee or juice,"she asked again and I was beginning to get irritated.Why wouldn't we just get to work?

"Am fine Dr..."I responded calmly and she nodded.

"Are you ready to open up now Max?"she asked again and I glued my eyes to hers.I wasn't sure of I was and I didn't know what to answer.After some minutes of silence, I was sure of what I wanted to say to her.She was one of the people apart from mum and dad that knew my past so I never knew what she meant by that question.And it was that same question that made me hate therapy and not come back here for the past ten years.

"No am not!...but am married now and it's coming back and it's making me want to stay away from my wife,"I responded briefly feeling a certain pain surge within me.

"Am aware you are a married man now Max but what is coming back?"she asked.I sniffed the air and sighed to keep myself calm before responding.

"The images....my mother.I keep seeing her face,"I responded calmly.

"When do you see her?"she asked calmly trying to keep me calm as well.

"Whenever I look at my wife...her smile, her warmth in her eyes, how she looks at me,"I responded after gulping.

"What about her eyes and her smile and how she looks at you?...does she love you?"she asked.I lifted my eyes to hers.That was abit personal but I had to answer anyways so after some minutes of silence I responded to her question honestly.

"I don't know.I have never asked but they are genuine.Its how my mother always looked at me and smiled at me.Everything about her reminds me of her and I don't understand,"I responded honestly, still trying to keep calm as she took note of what I was saying.

"So how do you feel when you see those images?"

"I feel nervous, anxious, increased heartbeat, anger....too much anger,"

She took note again as I explained what I felt to her.

"All these are signs of PTSD.Its a traumatic disorder and I will dare say that it's a good sign,"she responded so calm and I stared at her emotionless but I was really confused.

"How on earth can me having a traumatic disorder be a good sign?"I slowly asked my question, scrutinizing her face.

"It's a good sign because you witnessed something so horrific and traumatic about your mum at such a young age but never let yourself grieve.And from that time you developed this disorder but the signs were never visible because you locked that part of your mind.You locked away love and feelings so your brain surpressed it as you grew until it was like normal to you,"she explained but it wasn't making sense.How could I have locked away love and feelings?

"How could I have locked away love and feelings Dr?...I loved Renna and I think I still do and I was deeply hurt when she left me,"I explained myself confused.

"You did or maybe you made yourself believe that you did but did not.You just told me that everything about your wife is genuine that and it brought something that you had buried long ago.That means your Renna didn't love you that genuinely that way she never brought back those memories and you never loved her as you thought you did and you were hurt because you lost someone who understood you not because you lost love.But it's a good sign because your wife broke the wall you had encaged your heart and mind with and that's why you now feel the pain.It can be cured now,"she spoke.I understood what she said and damn!

...it was so true but I couldn't accept it.

How dare she tell me who I loved who I didn't!...How dare she say that Renna was never in love with me all that time?...what we shared was so real and live?....I couldn't understand her in that perspective.

I stood from the couch and began walking towards the door.I had walked here ready to solve my misery but this was adding to my confusion, I decided to go and not come back again.I decided to deal with my issues myself.

"You have found true love Max.I haven't met your wife but if what you said is true then it means she loves you genuinely and so do you.Give yourselves a chance and opening to her will help you heal because only she can help you,"she spoke before I could twist the door knob open.

I twisted the knob open and left her office after she was done talking.How I could I open up to the same person who was always brings back those memories.

I settled at the back seat of my car as Trevan drove off.

"Family mansion,"I ordered in a low voice.Ammy had told me that she would go to the family mansion after dropping her sister off so I decided to go there too.Not to see her but just to be there....atleast that's how I convinced myself.That I wasn't going there because of her.

I stepped out of the car when it arrived the parking lot.I strode passed the servants who were bowing in respect as I walked passed them.I met Richard at the door when I walked in.

"Welcome sir,"he spoke bowing his head slightly before me.

I nodded at him and walked two step away from him then turned to him again.

"Is my wife here?"I asked narrowing my eyes at him.

"No sir,she left with miss Milady and Miss Maya but they came back alone,"he responded respectfully.

"Where did they go to?"

"It seems they went for shopping.They had shopping bags with them when they arrived."

I walked to my room when he told me that Ammy wasn't there.She might have headed back home after the shopping.I was tempted to call her and ask where she was.I picked my phone from my pocket and dialed her number but I couldn't click the call button.I exited the contact app and placed the phone on the nightstand.I walked to the door that was beside the door that led to the bathroom.I opened it and walked inside.Nobody had dared enter the room except for Renna and I.I called it my cuddle room because I would always lock myself in whenever I was bothered, sad or disturbed and I would be fine after staying in there.I had made one in my master suite back at my mansion too.Looking around,everything was still in order as it always was.

I walked to the comfy spring bed at the furthest corner and laid down on it.Hoping I would find peace like I always did.