Memories

"Would you like some more wine?," Max asked Lucy before he poured some for himself.

"Yes, please, that would be great," Lucy responded, inching her glass closer so he could reach better. She didn't have to move it much since they were right next to each other.

The seating arrangements had all been part of Selene's master match-making plan for the evening. They had decided to get delivery from an Italian place Johnny had recommended and when it arrived, everyone helped set the table. As everyone was getting ready to sit down, Selene announced, "I think it would be fun if we all mixed up where we sat so we can get to know each other better. What do you guys think?"

The others all looked at each other with either confused or awkward expressions, but Selene charged ahead, "Come on! It will be fun!" She proceeded to have Ben sit at the head of the table with her seated to his right and Max to his left. Lucy was seated next to Max (of course!) and Johnny was at the other end of the table. Peter was next to Selene (and Johnny by default!).

Dinner started out well. Conversations were pretty superficial, with topics being mostly mundane. But once some drinks were had, everyone started loosening up. Everyone except for Johnny who had been nursing his one drink all night. He was not one known for losing control in any situation.

Max said, "Let me know if this is too personal but I was just curious how you all three met." He gestured toward Lucy, Peter, and Selene.

Lucy answered first with, "It's no biggie. They met first. I met them in college. I had a class with Peter and after we did a group project where we were the only ones who actually did the project, we became friends. Then one thing led to another, and we started hanging out. I knew he was gay even though he didn't tell me, so I wasn't like hitting on him or anything." She looked at Peter and they both laughed.

"I think I told her about a month in or something ridiculous like that. I don't know why I was scared. But I was back then I guess," Peter laughed some more. "I can't believe I'm laughing about it now. But yah, we hung out a few times and then I brought her along one time to the movies with Selene and the rest is history as they say."

"Was it the movies or was it just like lunch or something?," Selene interjected.

Lucy and Peter both "Hmmm'd" and then Peter responded with, "Now that you say that, I don't remember."

"Me neither," Lucy said. "In any case, that's how we met."

Selene continued, "And then Peter and I actually met while we were both in elementary school. I think we were like 9 or 10 at the time."

Peter jumped in with, "Something like that. We bonded because we were both living with foster parents."

"Not the same ones," Selene clarified.

"Right. And then the weird part, or what we like to think of as fate, is that I was adopted like a year later and moved to another city. Then Selene gets adopted when she's like 14 or something, and it turned out that her adoptive parents lived in that same city, so we ended up in the same high school. As soon as I saw her, I recognized her. We've been inseparable ever since. Right?," asked Peter, smiling at his friend.

"Right," beamed Selene. "If it wasn't for this guy," she said, pointing at Peter as she looked at Max, "I would have been a total loner in high school. For me, it was 11th grade, but for my age I should have been in 9th grade, so it was really hard making friends. Thanks to Peter, I had friends."

Peter looked down blushing, but Max looked confused.

Ben clarified, "Selene skipped some grades in school."

Max nodded and said, "Oh."

Selene took a sip of her wine and glanced surreptitiously over at Johnny. Peter didn't notice that the whole time he was talking, Johnny had been looking at him intensely. It was as if he could not tear his eyes off of Peter. Selene hid her smile, but she was happy that someone like Johnny was interested in her friend. From what she could tell, he seemed like a good guy. To be friends with Ben boded well in her book. So, if she could push this relationship along, then she didn't think there was anything wrong with that. Especially since it definitely seemed like Johnny was interested. And from what Peter had said earlier, and how he had said it, he seemed interested too. "Let's see how the night goes," she thought.

Max asked Selene a question about skipping grades and as that conversation continued, Johnny turned to Peter and asked, "Can you please pass the salad?"

Peter obliged and as he did so, he said, "Of course. Here you go." After he put the salad back, he said, "You've been a little quiet this evening and just nursing that one drink. Everything alright?"

"How do you know I'm not always this quiet?," Johnny asked, cocking one eyebrow, but not looking directly at him.

"Are we back to asking questions as answers to questions again?," Peter replied, tilting his head but looking just as stoic as Johnny. "Here we go," Peter thought.

"Is that a bad thing?," Johnny asked, taking a sip of his drink, but otherwise not changing is expression. "This should be fun," he thought.

Peter rolled his eyes and inquired, "Wouldn't you think so?" He wasn't sure if this counted as flirting as it was slightly annoying.

"Is there a good answer to that?," he replied, one corner of his mouth rising up.

Peter saw the smirk and thought that maybe Johnny was just messing with him. "Ok, that's it. I've had enough of this," he thought. "I'm going to see once and for all if we're flirting or just messing around." Peter turned fully toward Johnny and taunted, "Would you say it if there was?"

Johnny was a little taken aback but didn't show it due to his years of training to not show expressions he didn't want seen on his face. He was grateful that paid off in this moment. Still, he was finding the man in front of him very sexy. Maybe some harmless flirting would be alright. "Is there something you're wanting to hear then?," Johnny asked as he turned to look directly at Peter, tilting his head and staring directly in his eyes.

"Aha," Peter thought, "There it is! Now, is this just flirting or does he want to go further…that's the question." The thoughts were quick as he didn't miss a beat. He teased Johnny with, "Would you say it if there was?"

"Maybe," Johnny said. Then he straightened up, drank the rest of the liquor in his glass in one shot, and stood up.

He announced, "Thanks for the meal and the company, but Peter and I are going to get going. Sorry to leave first, but we're going to go get some drinks. It's like you said Selene, get to know each other better and all that. Right. Ok then." He looked down at Peter who looked surprised. He had been looking at Selene and the others with an expression that indicated he had no idea what was happening.

Peter said, "I guess we're going for drinks then." He stood up and continued with, "Thanks, Selene, Ben. Oh wait, Lucy. I'm Lucy's ride."

Selene immediately chimed in with, "Oh don't worry about Lucy," just as Lucy was about to say something. Selene said, "We'll make sure she gets home."

"Ok, then, I guess I'm going with Johnny," Peter said in a confused voice. "To get drinks?," he questioned, shrugging as he followed Johnny out. "I'll pick up my car tomorrow," he said over his shoulder.

Peter was very confused but also excited. When Johnny announced to everyone they were leaving together, he felt a rush of adrenaline go all through his system. He also felt confused because it was so sudden and out of nowhere. He almost wanted to say no just to be stubborn and put that expressionless guy in his place. But more than that he wanted to see where the night would go. The guy was hot after all. And this did not happen to him every day, despite what the girls thought. Sure, men would ask for his number sometimes but that was pretty much it for his social life. Peter was very picky because he had learned the hard way.

Now he found himself in Johnny's car and there was an electric atmosphere he couldn't put a finger on. "So where are we going?," he asked.

"There's this bar I know that plays great jazz. I thought we'd go there," Johnny replied.

Peter nodded, "Sounds great. What's it called? Maybe I've heard of it."

"Open Window," he answered. "Have you been there?"

"No, but I've heard of it," Peter responded. "It's a gay bar, right?"

Johnny nodded. "That's not a problem, is it?"

"Why would it be? I mean, unless you're not gay?!," Peter mock exclaimed and then laughed at his own joke.

Johnny only let out a little chuckle.

Peter mock gasped and said, "Oh wow, was that a little laugh I heard? From the man who knows no emotional expressions or outburst? Seriously though dude, what's the deal with that. You should smile more. Smiling puts you in a good mode, you know? And aren't we going to have fun?"

Johnny gave a small smile and said, "I smile. When there is something to smile about. Your joke just wasn't *that* funny." He smirked, knowing that would annoy the man next to him.

"Oh you just had to go there," Peter grumbled and then crossed his arms over his chest. "Okay then. We'll see who has the last laugh, pun intended by the way. Let's see…how about this? If I can get you to laugh out loud, like a real laugh, then the drinks tonight are on you. If I can't, then the drinks are on me."

Johnny smiled and said, "Deal. We'll give the bartender both our cards to hold and then let them know which one to charge at the end." Then he looked at Peter and said with a glint in his eye, "But it has to be a real laugh, alright?"

"That's what I said, didn't I?," Peter countered.

They entered the bar without having to wait in line, which impressed the hell out of Peter. That made Johnny smile, though he made sure Peter did not see his expression. After they ordered their first drinks, they walked over to one of the tall tables by the walls of the bar, near the windows, and sat down. They moved the chairs next to each other as the music was a little loud and they couldn't hear each other talking otherwise.

"Do you come here a lot?," Peter asked, leaning over so he could be heard better.

"Are you trying to pick me up with that cheesy line?," Johnny retorted.

"Oh my God, are we really doing the whole questions thing again?," Peter replied, giving him a slightly exasperated look.

"Wouldn't that be fun?," Johnny asked, smiling devilishly.

"No," Peter stated flatly. "Let's have some actual fun. Are you going to drink that whiskey or breastfeed it until it falls asleep like you did the other one?"

Johnny looked at Peter initially with a confused look and then chuckled. He replied, "Okay, I hear you. Here." He took a long drink. "Are you happy? But I can't get drunk since I have to drive."

"We can call a car service," Johnny said. "Why don't you loosen up. Just for tonight, eh? How 'bout it?"

Johnny was tempted. Very tempted. Peter was taking a sip of his drink and looking at him with those eyes. Johnny took another big drink. He loved Peter's eyes. And that sexy mouth. Hell, he loved everything about Peter's face.

"There you go!," Peter exclaimed with a smile and then downed the rest of his drink. He got off his seat and said, "I'm going to get another one for myself. Do you want another too?"

"Sure," he replied. "But get me a beer instead. Any IPA will do."

When Peter left, Johnny ran his hand through his hair and thought, "What am I doing? This guy is friends with Ben's girlfriend. I don't want things to get ugly."

After a little while Peter returned with the drinks and said, "Here ya go! Hope you like it."

Johnny took the beer and said, "Thanks. It's fine."

"Great! Now for the fun part. Tell me something crazy about yourself," Peter said with a twinkle in his eye.

That made Johnny look at him like *he* was crazy as he asked, "Are you mad?"

"No, I'm serious," Peter stated. "It can be anything. Something embarrassing that happened when you were younger. Or something wild that you did. Anything. You told Selene that we were here to get to know each other, right? Well, what better way than to start with something crazy?"

Johnny shook his head and said, "No way."

"Oh, come on," Peter pleaded, "Just one thing. If you say one thing, I will tell you one thing too."

"Then why don't you go first," Johnny asked.

Peter looked at him knowingly and responded, "Because if I go first then I know for a fact that you won't do it."

Johnny laughed and said, "That's true." Then he quickly said, "That was not a hearty laugh."

"Yah, yah, I know," Peter gestured with his hands.

Johnny let out a breath and said, "Alright. I will tell you something. Let's see. I had a crush on this guy in high school, who, of course, did not know it. We were something between friends and acquaintances. Anyway, my family went to ski one winter, and it turned out his family was there at the same time so we hung out together while we were there. I thought it was my time to impress him as he was a little new to skiing."

"Uh-oh," Peter interjected.

"Yes. Uh-oh indeed," Johnny nodded. "I was showing him how fast I could go around trees when, of course, mother nature, decided to show who was boss and I ran straight into one. They had to call an ambulance and everything as I was out like a light."

Peter's eyes were big. He exclaimed, "Oh no! What happened?"

Johnny continued, "I had a concussion and couldn't ski the rest of the trip. I was so embarrassed. I didn't leave the cabin the rest of the trip."

"What happened with that guy? Did you guys ever get together?," Peter asked.

Johnny shook his head, "Of course not. He was straight." Then he laughed sardonically. "Eh, I was young. What did I know?"

Peter nodded, "But you figured things out eventually and that's what counts, right?"

Johnny could tell that Peter was trying to be reassuring and he didn't know how to feel about that. "Okay then. Your turn," Johnny said to change the subject.

"I have a good one," Peter said, smiling. "So, you better get ready." He nudged Johnny with his arm and started, "For our senior high school prank, a bunch of us, including Selene mind you, decided to fill up the gym pool with a bunch of dildos."

"No!," Johnny exclaimed. "You rotten kids!," he said, even though his big smile betrayed how he was really feeling about the story's start.

"Yes and yes!," Peter replied with an equally big smile. He continued, "We bought a whole bunch of cheap dildos at this store that one of my then friend's older brother worked at. He could order it in bulk and get it to us. Otherwise, we had no plan, of course. Anyway, we had all these dildos and it's like 2 in the morning. We all sneak on campus and we're all wearing black like it's the movie Mission Not Possible or something. We were such dorks!" Peter started laughing remembering how they looked.

Johnny chuckled, but mostly at how cute Peter looked lost in nostalgia.

Peter went on, "Anyway, we have these garbage bags filled with dildos and we start dumping them in the pool when we hear something. All of a sudden it sounds like steps coming our way and we start freaking out. So, Jason, one of the guys with us, says 'Everyone in the water!' and like dumbasses we listen to him and we all jump in the water to try to hide!" Peter paused as he was laughing more at this point in the story and Johnny couldn't help but join him although he wasn't laughing as hard.

Peter continued, "So there we are, under the water, with all these dildos floating above us. And we can't hold our breaths forever. So, one by one we pop up and there are three cops standing there looking at us. Eight seniors. In a pool. Filled with dildos. And the cops are like, 'Uh, kids. We're going to have to ask you to get out of the pool now' but they're trying not to laugh." Peter continued laughing. At this point, Johnny couldn't help but laugh, but mostly at Peter's infectious laughter, although the imagery was amusing as well.

"I guess drinks are on you," Peter said, pointing at Johnny.

"I wouldn't call this a hearty laugh," Johnny countered, trying to get out of the bet.

Peter gave him the side eye and replied, "It was a pretty good laugh. Come on. Teens in a pool with dildos? That merits a hearty laugh."

"Ok, I'll give you that. Drinks are on me. But what happened after?," Johnny asked.

"We were obviously in big trouble. We had to do community service. But since it was the senior prank and all that they didn't file charges or anything super serious like that," Peter explained.

Johnny nodded, "Well that's good at least. Still, dildos in the gym pool. We didn't have such a tradition at my school. I guess we were pretty boring."

"It made for a good memory, I guess. And that's what we're made of, right? Our memories," Peter said thoughtfully.

Johnny thought about that as he'd never considered life that way. "Hmm," he said. Then it was quiet for a little while.

Peter asked, "What are you thinkin?"

Johnny replied, "If what you said about memories is true, then can I make a memory?"

"What do you mean?," Peter asked, his eyebrows pinched in confusion.

"First, wait here," Johnny replied enigmatically. He got off the chair and headed toward the bar. After paying for their drinks, he came back and handed Peter his credit card back. Then holding Peter's hand, he said, "Let's get out of here," and led Peter out of the bar. They waited for the valet outside holding hands but not talking.

Peter was not sure what was happening, but he didn't want to spoil the mood that Johnny had created by asking any questions. Once the car arrived, Johnny opened the door for Peter to get in. They drove in silence, holding hands, until Peter's heart couldn't take it anymore and he asked, "Where are we going?"

"You'll see when we get there," Johnny responded with a sly smile.

About twenty minutes later they were climbing up a mountain and then fifteen minutes after that they arrived at a look out point. Johnny stopped the car there and got out. Then he went around to Peter's side and opened the door to help Peter out. "This is where I wanted to take you," he said.

Johnny took Peter's hand and took him to the edge of the clearing where they could see the entire city below them. Peter was stunned and didn't know what to think. His heart had been beating fast the entire car ride but now it was on maximum overdrive.

He turned to Johnny and asked, "Is this the memory you wanted to create? If it is, I think it's beautiful."

Johnny stepped closer to Peter and reached for him. He put his hands on Peter's arms and said, "Partly."

Peter looked at him, realizing that Johnny was leaning in for a kiss. His palms started tingling as he put his hands around Johnny's waist.

Johnny raised his right hand to cup Peter's cheek. He drew Peter in and kissed him, gently at first to see how Peter would respond.

Peter was nervous at first, but then started kissing him back. They played with each other's lips until Johnny traced the edge of Peter's bottom lip with his tongue, asking for permission to go further. Peter opened his mouth a little wider, teasing him. Johnny smirked as he ran his tongue along Peter's teeth and then went inside, forcing Peter to open his mouth wider. Peter obliged willingly, however, as Johnny's tongue felt so good against his own. Johnny licked Peter's tongue, sucking on it, teasing around it. It was a slow dance, savoring these first tastes of each other.

When they parted, Johnny took Peter's face in his hands and said, "That's the memory I wanted to create." Then he pulled Peter in his embrace.

As they were holding each other, Peter said, "I didn't know you had this in you. I mean, you're so stoic most of the time."

"I'm usually not like this," Johnny replied. "But when you talked about how we are made of memories, I wanted to kiss you, but I didn't want it to be at the bar."

Peter smiled. He didn't want to get his hopes up, but this felt so right. He said, "I'd like to make these kinds of memories, too. I wasn't sure if you were in the same place I was so I'm happy you are."

That made Johnny stop and consider. He couldn't believe he had done something like this on impulse. It had felt right. But now that he was here, his heart was beating too fast. This was going to be a distraction and he didn't have time for distractions. It felt like Peter fit in his arms as if he was made to be there. If this kept up, he would never want to let him go. But then what? What about his parents? And Drakos? No, this was a distraction he could not afford.

Peter felt Johnny stiffen. "What's wrong?," he asked.

"Nothing," Johnny answered. "I'm starting to feel a little chilly. We should probably head back." He pulled away from Peter and dropped his arms.

"No. That's not it. Tell me," Peter said, crossing his arms across his chest.

Johnny put his hands on Peter's biceps and said, "It really isn't anything. Let's just head back to your place, ok?" He gave Peter a big smile and then put his arm around his shoulders, nudging him forward.

"Ok," Peter said warily.

They held hands in the car as Johnny drove them to Peter's place. Peter tried to make small conversation, but Johnny just said he was tired. When they arrived, Johnny went around to open Peter's door and let him out. After he closed Peter's door, he said that he wouldn't come up as he was too tired.

Peter said, "Okay, what's going on? First you take me to get drinks, and everything is going fine. Then you take me to this amazing view and kiss me. Then you're Mr. Silent and now this. I don't deserve this treatment."

"I'm sorry," Johnny said, "You're right. I should be clear. You're Selene's friend so we should be clear about everything."

"Even if I wasn't Selene's friend, we should be clear," Peter said, squinting his eyes.

"Yes, of course," Johnny replied, nodding. He let out a breath and said, "I like being with you."

Peter was surprised and straightened up. He replied, "Oh, um, I didn't expect you to say that. I, uh, like you too. So, then why…" He trailed off, hoping Johnny would fill in the blanks.

Johnny obliged and said with a sigh, "I just don't have room right now in my life for a serious relationship. There are things I need to accomplish with work. I was hoping we could see each other casually, making some good memories together like you said. And then maybe…" It was his turn to trail off, but he wasn't sure why he did that. Why did he add that last part about maybe?

Peter was very confused. He did not understand what Johnny was trying to say. The only thing he did understand was that Johnny wanted to keep things casual and he knew for sure that that was not what he wanted. Peter let out a sigh and nodded. Regret.

With a sad but resolute expression he said, "If that's what you want then we are definitely not in the same place. I don't do casual." He felt tears forming and didn't want Johnny to see him crying so he quickly said, "Thanks for the drinks and I'm sure I'll see you at Ben's at some point so good night for now." He didn't wait to hear Johnny say good night before he started walking away toward his building.

Johnny sensed what Peter was feeling even if he didn't see the tears and it gnawed at him. He felt the loss of something he couldn't name, but there was nothing he could do. He had worked too long and too hard to let go of his revenge plans now. "Maybe I can make it up to Peter once everything is over? But who knows how long that will take? Dammit. The Drakos family just keeps taking everything away. I'm going to make them pay if it's the last thing I do," he thought as he slammed his fist on the roof of his car.