What is this shit?

Apparently, there are uncountable stories now. Even us gods have our own myths. It's crazy.

Although, it looks like I missed the whole getting worshipped thing. So, it turns out that some gods were getting worshipped loads. Especially Lust and Wealth. Whereas some gods were getting left out.

From what I hear humans don't particularly like worshipping disease and decay. After everyone had their fun being worshipped and interfering with mortal lives for shits and giggles, they felt bad.

The 1% were getting loads of offerings and worshippers while the more minor gods were struggling to make ends meet.

So they came up with a plan. They made a god that encompassed everything. Yeah, disease, diarrhoea, arthritis, the works and Humans worshipped him. For some reason.

This means everyone gets worshipped equally and no one gets left out so it sounds good to me. Even I get worshippers and I was asleep for the last few aeons.

And it's not only a couple of worshippers either. When I went to sleep there was only a few thousand humans. Now, they are everywhere. You can't move for the bi-pedal bastards

That's pretty exciting and all, but what has really got my attention is this.

Humans learned to speak. Brilliant. What an idea. I heard Love and Wealth came up with the idea so to make their jobs easier.

Little did they know at the time, that I would be the one to profit the most. Once humans started speaking, they started making stories. How great is that?

And, it gets even better. So when human's started speaking the god of Communication was born and, since he was the new kid on the block he was under a lot of pressure.

Everyone else had already done something but he hadn't so some were doubting his abilities. Mostly Scorn.

To prove all the haters wrong. Again, it was mostly Scorn. He hole himself up in a cave somewhere saying he wouldn't come out until he had come up with something.

When he finally came out after a few thousand years he was grinning. Shouting about how he had cracked it he ran off towards the nearest human.

Everyone gathered around with bated breath. Except for Scorn of course. Watching the human intently.

This human was smart, by human standards anyway. Under the influence of Communication, he started to... write. Yes, he wrote his words down. Etched his thoughts into the stone.

Story almost wept when he heard this. Now, humans record their stories and pass them down to the next generation. This allowed them to tell even crazier stories as they didn't have to worry about remembering the whole thing off by heart.

A revolution. That's the only way such a thing could be described. Story certainly thought so anyway.

He was keenly aware of what such a thing meant. It changed everything. Now that stories could be written down, more and more would accumulate through time.

He had been asleep for thousands of years since stories started being written down. A thousand years of stories all waiting for him to read.

What more could I ask for?

I need to go thank my friends for their benevolence. But first... I have a lot of catching up to do.

...

What the actual fuck were you guys thinking?

Okay, well to explain how I got here, I guess I need to go back a bit.

I decided to check out the classics first. I started with the myths, Greek ones are the best preserved and the Roman myths are all knock-offs so I stuck to the Greek ones.

At first, it was pretty cool seeing all my friends in the stories. Zeus was Sky, Posideon was Sea Hades was Afterlife. That all checked fine. Humans have always feared things like that so it honestly makes sense that they would worship them.

But, last I checked. Sky, who is my friend, is a woman. And she isn't a serial adulterer or a kidnapper and she hasn't fathered countless children to different mothers many of which were her sisters. I don't know about Sea, because I don't know him too well, but I doubt he had a child with a horse.

And Afterlife didn't kidnap his wife. I set them up. What the heck is this nonsense?

Fuming at all of this slander I made my way to the pantheon of the gods. When I get my hands on whoever wrote this I swear I'll smite the shit out of them.

"Hey, Story! You're up, was it a good sleep?" Called Wisdom as I passed her.

Wasn't she some eternal maiden called Athena?

"Don't worry about that. I was just reading some Greek myth..."

Wisdom grabbed me. She pulled me in close till our eyes were level and fixed a death glare at me.

"What Greek Mythology.?"

I felt a cold chill run up my spine. I suddenly remembered that the ancient greeks were called ancient for a reason. They were all dead. She was serious. If I bring it up again I'm dead.

Today I learned about the dark history of the gods.