Chapter 87: Peter's Memoirs

Moonlight streamed through the window of the common room of Gryffindor Tower.

In a place where the moonlight did not reach, a small figure shivered under a chair. Peter Pettigrew rubbed his hands together, almost breathless.

What he had always feared for the past twelve years had finally happened. His former friend, Sirius Black, escaped from Azkaban. He entered Hogwarts, and there was only a wall separating them.

Peter knew that because he had sold Potter and his wife to Voldemort, Black came for revenge and wanted to kill him.

Instinctively he wanted to run, but he didn't know where to hide. He knew Black too well. Now that he knew he was still alive, he would never stop.

Even if there were hundreds of Dementors here, even if Hogwarts was completely turned upside down, Black wouldn't give up. He wouldn't stop before he caught him. That was Sirius Black, a true Gryffindor, a monster who never knew fear or cowardice.

Perhaps, it would be the same as twelve years ago, and he would fake death.

As soon as the thought crossed Peter's mind, he dismissed it.

This wasn't the street full of Muggles twelve years ago, and this time he wasn't dealing with Black alone.

This was Hogwarts, and in the castle were Dumbledore, Snape, Lupin, McGonagall, James and Lily's son, Harry, and the young man named Ivan Mason, each of whom was better, smarter, stronger, and braver than he was.

Even if I could fool Sirius Black, fooling all these people would be impossible.

And where would he go when he got out?

If the surviving Death Eaters found out he was alive, they wouldn't let him go. After all, the Dark Lord's defeat came just after Peter had given him the warning.

Until now, Peter did not understand how a man who was so powerful that no one dared mention his name could be defeated by a baby. He felt he had clearly chosen the strong side. How did it all come to this point?

Everything seemed to come full circle, back to the time when he first entered Hogwarts twenty years ago.

Peter still remembered the sorting ceremony when he entered the school. He was thin and weak and shakily made his way to the Sorting Hat. He was wearing it, and the big hat covered his eyes, he couldn't see the audience at all.

He was too afraid, as he had been since he was a child, he couldn't do anything at all. He was weak, not smart enough, and had no talent for magic. He was afraid of being thrown out of the hat. He was afraid of seeing his mother's disappointed eyes again.

"Difficult, very difficult!" the Sorting Hat began to speak in his ear. "You're not a brave boy. You're not smart enough, you're not determined and you're not willing to work hard. Even though you are pureblood, it will be very difficult to live in Slytherin, and you don't have the qualities required by Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. Even halfling, you are not willing to stay in the practical and ordinary Hufflepuff, let me think about it. where should you go?"

Yes, where to go?

He lost his father when he was young. Although his family was poor, his mother did everything she could to buy him all the magical supplies he needed. She had high expectations of him. She would tell him his father's story before bed every night.

Peter still remembered his mother's story. In her story, his father was a heroic Gryffindor. Even if he wasn't the strongest, he was fearless, even in the face of he who must not be named, he was never afraid.

Peter could hear it in his mother's tone: she was proud of his father.

"Gryffindor, Gryffindor, Gryffindor, Gryffindor. I want to go to Gryffindor. I want to be brave, I'm a brave man!" Peter shouted inwardly to the Sorting Hat, "I want to change my cowardice. I want to be a warrior like my father. I want to be looked up to - I can't let my mother down!"

"Gryffindor?" the Sorting Hat's voice sounded slightly surprised, "You say you want to go to Gryffindor. well, this may not be the best choice, but I hope it can be in the future. On your way, find the courage that is buried deep in your heart."

"Gryffindor!"

Peter Pettigrew, on top of the chair, smiled happily. It was the most glorious moment of his life. He seemed to hear again the moment when the Sorting Hat shouted his choice to everyone in a loud voice. He would finally be able to look into his mother's satisfied eyes.

But her smile soon subsided and the Sorting Hat was right. He didn't fit in with Gryffindor, the only thing he was getting in this house was ridicule.

Everyone made fun of him because he wasn't brave enough. Hogwarts studies made him feel pressure. He found that there was no subject he was good at, the teachers looked at him with nothing but disappointment, and he was getting further and further away from what his mother had asked him to do.

He found no courage in school, and he found himself becoming more and more ordinary and inferior.

He couldn't go on like this anymore, he needed someone to help him.

Peter quickly discovered his goal. James Potter, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were the top three in his class. The three of them were always shining in their little group, maybe they needed one more member.

Yes, he might be perfect for that role.

Fortunately for him, they accepted him. Peter Pettigrew felt hope and happiness about it. He thought that even if he couldn't be as good as them, at least he would have a presence and make his mother proud of him.

For this presence and pride, Peter was willing to endure anything.

To outsiders, he was a member of that small group. He was friends with Sirius, James and Lupin.

But only Peter Pettigrew knew that he was just a follower and nothing more.

James saw him as a target to show off his Quidditch talent at any time, and he was only there to make Sirius look braver and stronger. Even compared to Lupin, the self-deprecating werewolf.

It was true that the three of them never saw him as a friend. At best, they were just mates, but more than that, he was just their follower.

With these feelings of cowardice and humility, the latter finally despaired, for he feared that this was also the idea they all had of him.

But Peter was content for a time to be center stage, to be the center of attention.

As long as he was in his humble position in the corner, it was enough for him.

He might not find his courage in this old school, but he was confident in other ways to find the presence and honor he needed. Even if not much, at least he wouldn't let his mother be disappointed.

He hoped he had enough to get him through his Hogwarts years.

The seven years at Hogwarts finally allowed Peter to understand that what he needed was not courage, but power.

If his father had had that kind of power, he wouldn't have died like that and his and his mother's lives wouldn't be so miserable.

Power, this was what he had been chasing.

After graduating, his three classmates wanted to join the Order of the Phoenix to fight Voldemort. Peter originally wanted to refuse because he knew the strength of both sides. But he didn't dare. He had grown accustomed to obeying the orders of the three.

He didn't dare say "No" to his companions. It also required great courage. He had never had anything like that. In addition, he was also afraid of disappointing his mother. He knew she wanted him to join the Order of the Phoenix.

His mother's expectations had always put Peter under pressure, but it wasn't until that moment that he discovered that the pressure had become a heavy burden that wouldn't allow him to breathe.

Peter Pettigrew remembered the time when James, Sirius, and Lupin had rejoiced in defeating Voldemort's conspiracies time and time again, which made him increasingly fearful.

He could feel the Dark Lord's wrath, and he could feel his hatred for those four people. It was like a never-ending nightmare.

This could not go on any longer, Peter saw no benefit in fighting Voldemort himself. Even if he risked his life to do these things, only James, Sirius and Lupin would be the center of attention.

Not to mention that Dumbledore was gradually aging, his power was waning; and Voldemort was in his prime, his power and strength stronger than ever.

It was time to choose his side, and for a weak man, the most important thing was not to do something spectacular, but to make a wise decision.

He could not die stupidly for Dumbledore, like his father, in the dark. This stupid courage had no other meaning than to leave a heavy burden and pain for his wife and children.

He wanted to choose his own destiny. He wanted to gain great power.

The Dark Lord had promised him that if he united the magical world, he would gain power and status he had never before imagined.

Although the method was different, as long as he had these, his mother would be proud of him.

As for the jealousy and guilt of betraying his peers, Peter never felt that.

In his eyes, he was nothing more than a follower, as he had always been.