Ch.21 A Memory of The Late Emperor

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[6 Years Ago]

The candles in the Imperial Study were still lighted up, illuminating the building in the otherwise darkened palace. A lady walked out of the darkness. Dressed in a silk gown that loosely hung around her shoulders, she was adorned with beautiful pieces of jewellery which accompanied her every step with a light clinking sound. A maid dutifully treaded behind her, carrying a basket of something steaming inside.

She walked towards the Imperial Study, a plan already thought out. The Emperor has been busy with court affairs these days and even if he were to free out his evening, she knew a lowly consort like her would hardly cross his mind. Besides, the Empress had been visiting every night. It was only tonight, surprisingly, that the Empress has not left her courtyard at all. Which meant that tonight would be her long-awaited chance to make the Emperor take a glance at her. And she only needed that one glance to completely gain his affections.

The newly appointed consort confidently stepped forward, youthful beauty that could shake anyone’s heart making her an alluring sight under the moonlight. However, she seemed to have forgotten something; the one thing that the Imperial Palace did not lack was a beautiful woman. She had just climbed up the short flight of stairs when she was stopped by the guards on duty.

“Are you both blind?” the maid reproached in the stead of her mistress. “How dare you block Consort Qin’s path!”

“That’s enough, Xiao Li.” The consort timely stepped forward; benevolence painted on a mask. She smiled politely, “His Majesty has been overworking himself these days. This Consort is only here to see if I can help with anything.”

“Please forgive us,” the 2 guards were also people who had seen enough of the imperial harem. They kept a straight face while still remaining respectful. “The God of War has just returned from the borders and is currently accompanying His Majesty. It will be wiser for Consort Qin to retreat for the night.”

‘The God of War?’ Even though the Consort had just entered the palace, the God of War was a person even she had heard about. The Head Eunuch had specially warned her on her first day to never offend this person whom the Emperor highly admired. What good luck, the God of War had never once shown his face while attending the Imperial Court. She definitely had to use this chance to take a look behind the mask of the mysterious person that even the ministers had not seen.

“This Consort has brought some nourishing soup for the Emperor. At least, let me give this to his Majesty.”

The guards frowned. Does this consort not know the rules? Even the Empress would not dare make a scene here if she heard that the God of War was inside. “Please return. You might not know but his Majesty does not like to be bothered when the God of War is in his presence.”

“You’re going too far! All my lady wants is to give his Majesty a bowl of soup.” Xiao Li couldn’t help retorting when she saw that the 2 guards were not moving an inch at all.

The guards wanted to stop her from making any more noises, but they were still a step too late.

“Who is making such a fuss at this hour?” The door opened and a strike of light fell onto the consort’s face.

T-this voice…!

Who else could it be, but the Emperor himself?

Consort Qin shaded her eyes and looked up. She happened to capture another person further inside the room at that moment. That person who was facing the window with his back towards the opened door, as though the small commotion outside could hardly be as interesting as the night view or as worth relishing as the cup of wine in his hands. Although she could only see that person’s back, she could easily tell from his temperament that he... was not an ordinary person.

She had always thought that to have never once lost in a war, the God of War would be a huge and muscular man, but she did not expect him to be this… refined. His hair was completely let down, falling like soft, smooth silk all the way past his thin waist.

Truly, an extraordinary presence… If she didn’t know the God of War was visiting, she would have thought that that person was another one of the Emperor’s concubines.

She paused, an absurd thought fleeting by. The God of War was donning a simple black robe, not even a hair accessory adorned. Meeting the Emperor in such casual attire… could he be the Emperor’s… could the Emperor be… a… a…

A cut-sleeve…?!

*cut-sleeve = gay

The Emperor noticed that presumptuous gaze and swiftly took a step to his left, hiding the person from her unbridled line of sight. He stood at the doorway, making no movement at all to welcome her inside. His voice strung with a hint of impatience. “What are you still looking at?”

Consort Qin can still read a situation when met with one. Finding it disadvantageous to stay behind any longer, she quickly knelt and bowed. “This consort has committed a great sin for disturbing your Majesty. I will take my leave immediately.”

She stood up and was just about to leave when she was stopped.

“Wait,” the Emperor seemed to have changed his mind, his eyes lingering on the basket in her maid’s hands. “Bring me the soup.”

“Yes, of course!” Her face lightened up instantly. This trip had not been made in waste, after all. The coldness in the Emperor’s eyes had sent shivers down her spines but seeing that he was having second thoughts… It seemed like her beauty was still as flawless and the Emperor was still a man after all. What nonsense was she just thinking about? How could the Emperor be interested in men?

“I understand that your Highness has been burdened with the nation’s affairs day and night. This concubine is willing to carry a part of your worries.” She bowed coyishly, face beaming with expectation.

The Emperor, however, did not seem to be interested in much else. He walked forward, opened the basket and took out the still steaming soup. Then, the Imperial Study’s doors coldly closed behind him. “No need.”

The person inside heard his returning footsteps. Her hand shot back into her sleeves and when it returned to the surface again, the porcelain cup was already gone.

“Yue-Er,” the Emperor walked towards the lady who seemed to have made the window ledge of his Imperial Study her personal seat. A special set of gentleness, completely different to the iciness he had displayed just seconds ago, was given only to her. Perhaps, it would be right to say that in front of everyone, he is the Emperor, the ruler of a kingdom. But only in front of her, would he be… whatever she wants him to be. A porcelain bowl was set down on the table beside her, “have some soup while it’s still warm.”

“Isn’t that for you?”

“You’ve finally returned from guarding the borders. Even though I clearly told you not to go to that cold place.” Behind his displeased words, was a thick layer of concern. He took off the porcelain lid and the bitter smell of herbs spread around the room. “Drink more of this and properly warm up your body now that you’re back. You can’t catch any illnesses.”

“The tonic herbs you’ve sent all the way to the borders haven’t been little as well,” Luo Yue reminded him.

“This is different. I feel more at ease watching you drink it with my own eyes.” Seeing that she still hasn’t moved an inch, he scooped up a spoonful of soup himself and held it in front of her. The ends of his lips lifted into a teasing smile, “does this Emperor have to feed you personally like how I used to?”

There was a time in the past when he had just brought her out of that hellish den. She had long lost her human nature then, but he had taught her patiently. He had held her hand as she frowned at the complicated scribbles she was tasked to write. Had held her hand when chopsticks had seemed like such a foreign concept to her. Had held her hand when she had pulled her first bow.

The lady who had grown into her early twenties smiled unconsciously at her nostalgic past. The slight curving of lips on that usually indifferent face and lowered eyelids glowering softly under the moonlight was a priceless sight. It lighted up her small face, elegant and tranquil, gentle and warm. No one would have been able to call themselves a beauty in front of a God of War whose mask had been removed. With one smile, a streak of resemblance between the 2 people could actually be seen. “I do not need to further fan the princes’ discontentment towards me.”

“Even if they are my sons, they cannot stop me from taking care of you.”

Sometimes, the sincerity in his eyes or the overflowing affections he gave, made her feel uneasy instead. Because if he had been this caring to everyone, she could have said that it was just in his character. But to treat her this specially, from the moment they had met, really throws her into a ridiculous apprehension. Because she cannot help but remember a saying that goes: Overkindness is either an act of deception or redemption.

She felt the familiar claws of insecurity digging into her again. More than a decade with him and yet, she had not figured him out. And so, she stopped thinking altogether.

She took over the bowl in his hands and then took a small sip.

A small furrow instantly appeared on her forehead.

Too bitter! This was at least 5 times more bitter than the usual bowl of soup made from the herbs sent by the Emperor.

The Emperor noticed the subtle change in her expression like he always does.

‘Time really does fly.’ He chuckled to himself. He recalled the first time he had slaughtered that group of criminals and entered their underground basement. At the furthest corner, hiding in the darkness, a pair of eyes had glared back at him then. When he had moved forward and shone the candlelight onto the small figure in the cage, his eyes had widened in shock, and he had felt bile crawling all the way up to his throat.

Because inside the cage, the ragged-up girl had been devouring a corpse!

That was the only thing she could feed on; other children who did not survive. That eating habit had been so deeply engraved into her that even after rescuing her, her body could not help throwing out all the real food that he had fed her. In the end, he had no choice but to let her get used to it by starting off with raw meat. He remembered how relief had overwhelmed him when she had finally managed to digest her first bowl of rice.

And now, only those who had seen that shocking sight that year would understand how gratified he was to see her fussing over the bitterness in her soup.

He walked towards his study table and then returned with a sugar cube in his hands. He silently popped it into the bowl of nourishing soup.

The Emperor had yet to reach his 40s and a few strands of white hair was already appearing. The once dashing youth who would ride on his horse and charge into battle with a charismatic smile on his face also could not escape the appearance of wrinkles. She found herself greatly disliking it. Was it really worth sacrificing oneself to carry the weight of a country?

“These are due to time.” His voice suddenly interrupted her thoughts. The Emperor could read her like an open book. He fingered the strands of white hair with a laugh, “why? Does Yue-Er find it distasteful?”

She mercilessly answered, “you do look better without them.”