CONFUSED

"I'm not sure. We immediately closed he just left the class in a hurry,' Ava said, and Charlotte turned her face away. When I saw that, I knew she was still upset with Jack. Something must have happened for Jack to leave the class like that, or did he go out with a girl without telling me? When I looked at my phone, there was no sign of a missed call or text message.

"Are you feeling okay now?" Charlotte inquired.

"Of course, babe. I'm fine,' I replied, and Charlotte escorted me out of the science Lab, holding my arm, while Ava followed. As we were driving home, we both talked and laughed at some jokes. Ava returned home, claiming she needed to prepare something with her mother. While Charlotte was following me to my house, I noticed the entire place was empty, implying that my mother and Elsa were not present, and Charlotte suddenly kissed me on the lips, leaving me speechless.

I felt nothing, just emptiness. I wasn't turned on or anything. Now I'm feeling guilty because I suddenly remembered what happened between Haru and me. I'm not sure what got into me, but I pushed her away from me, but not firmly.

"What's wrong,' Charlotte inquired, and I just stared at her. I didn't know what to say to her or why I had pushed her away from me. I just stood there staring at her, and then I went to the dining table to drop my bag, and she followed me.

"Johan,' she said to me.

"I'm exhausted right now. I'm not in the mood, Charlotte, and I want to eat and sleep,' I said as I walked towards the kitchen, and she still followed me.

"It's been two weeks, and I need you Johan?' She said.

I took a water bottle from the fridge and closed it. I then turned to face her.

"I know you do. But, Charlotte, could we please do this again next time?' I asked as I opened the bottle.

"Next time. When is the next time we'll meet? We've been going out, going to school, and everything, and I've been stressed out, Johan. I just need you because no one else is around and especially at your house.' She said this as she walked up to me and kissed me on the lips again. I'm not sure what happened at that point, but she was removing my trousers and before we knew it, we were making out in the kitchen.

When we were finished, she got up from the floor and began wearing her clothes, as did I.

"That was fantastic,' Charlotte exclaimed.

"Yes, it was,' I confirmed.

She requested another round, which I politely declined. I was getting tired, and the episode with Haru made me feel even worse. We both ate, and then I escorted her out of the house and shut the door behind her. When I was carrying my bag to my room. My conscience was judging me as I lay flat on the bed. I was in such a bad mood and felt like a complete moron. Should I have done the same thing with Haru? I had intended to reject him today. Instead, I fell for the trap and accepted him. Now that I think about it, what if someone sees me? That Lab was a long way from the rest of the classrooms. He must have given it some thought before leaving to take me there right. I sighed and turned to face the ceiling.

I'm not sure what I've gotten myself into. I've promised myself that I'll never get involved in anything like this again. But I keep being drawn to it, and I'm at a loss for what to do. To be honest, he's really hot, and I want him, but I don't have anything to do with him. It's as if I'm returning to my past, and the past I've locked away in a box is slowly ripping open.

Is that what I'm turning out to be, as he predicted? I slept off, and the next morning was the same, with Elsa and her friends shouting all over the place. This is ridiculously early. Why don't the mothers of these children take their children to school on their own? Instead, they bring them to my mother and ask her to assist them in doing so, and I wonder what she gains from all that she does for them.

Days turned into weeks, and I still haven't heard from Jack. I tried calling him, but his phone keeps going to voicemail. Even at school, he avoids me and says, "See you later," before running away. What's the matter with him, and why is he behaving so strangely?

Whenever I see Jack and Ava talking, and whenever I approach them. I wondered what was wrong when Jack got up and left right away. When I asked Ava, she said she didn't know either. I texted him frequently, but he continued to ignore me and my phone calls. And Haru, I've been avoiding him for a long time; I keep running away from him, making sure we don't cross paths. I don't want to fall for his ploys again. But his face is always on my mind when I eat or take a bath. These days, I'm having a lot of fantasies about him. This has to come to an end, but I'm not sure how. I've never felt this way about Charlotte. Thinking about him and the way he winks at me drives me insane.

I'm not sure if my feelings for Haru are lust or something else. I can't really explain it, but I adore my girlfriend; she's the one I adore, and I'm at a loss for words. It's as if I'm a befuddled human being.

Sometimes, I feel really stupid and senseless. I feel this happiness, when I'm with Haru. This freedom, and I don't know what it is or how I'm going to explain it.