93. I Don't Like It

"Why didn't you come to the graduation ceremony? I thought we would take pictures together like Stan and Yeon."

Looking up from his phone, Niel replied. "We are not Stan and Yeon."

"You know what I mean! I waited for you like a fool..."

Niel glanced up and down in admiration at how well dressed Elric was, his pocker face on but then shook his head and decided not to respond to his fated's tantrums.

"Hey! I'm talking to you..."

"This is the first time I've seen you loose your temper like this. Turns out, behind that protective mask of yours is a hidden kid crying for attention..."

"Enough with psychoanalyzing me! It really irritates me when you do that!"

"I didn't want to come because I didn't want to come. What's hard to understand? We hadn't discussed going together anyways..."

"Why would we discuss the obvious? There is never going to be another first graduation even for you."

Standing up from his bed, Niel walked towards the ajar door past Elric, who only became more furious with how unconcerned Niel was. "Look Elric, not today. I'm exhausted..."

"You're always cooped up in this room and are always scrolling through your phone! What could have possibly made you exhausted?"

"I went job hunting. I always do that the moment you and your mother leave."

Niel's answer made Elric feel a tinge of guilt but still wasnt enough to calm his anger down. He'd been looking foreword for months to having them celebrate their graduation that he'd hoped to exit campus with a bang but things had gone haywire the moment he realized Niel's absence.

Looking for him and asking about, he came in contact with people he'd never thought he'd see again. Luckily, because of people's knowledge about his family's influence, no one bothered him much except false congratulated him exaggeratively as if they had been excited he was finally leaving the campus premises, for good. It was only when Yeon had informed him of Niel's intentions of not being there for the graduation ceremony that it dawned on him how far apart he and Niel were.

They'd often spent nights together and some mornings when he slept late if his mother didn't need him but today of all days, the last day to be in this campus, Niel had chosen to be a no show.

"You should have told me you're looking for a job..."

"Don't even go there." Niel raised his hand to stop Elric from speaking further. "I know you may not know since you've lived a life of privilege but us poor people have a lot of pride. We like to carry our own weight."

"What is that supposed to mean? We are dating and it's normal for me to want to help my boyfriend."

Elric's statement brought Niel to a halt as his shoulders shook from laughter but didn't turn to face Elric. "Are we really dating? I'm I your boyfriend?" Turning to look back at Elric, he said. "Don't get confused. Our relationship is plain and simple. We are just fated mates. We never made anything official."

"That's mean Niel. It almost feels like your rejection and actions towards me are intentional." Closing the distance between him and Niel, Elric spoke. "I never apologized about being involved with Mijin so I'm sorry. I'm also sorry for talking about her openly to you among other things I did with her. Didn't you purnish me on several occasions because of it? Or you just wanted to hear it out aloud me saying I was sorry."

"You and her are so much alike."

"What?" Elric felt his heart sink for a moment.

"You're throwing a tantrum because you didn't have things your way." Seeing the hurt in Elric's eyes, it was only a matter of seconds that Niel perceived Elric's scent brieflly. He seemed unaware he was scenting out but Niel didn't want to bring it to his attention. He finally decided to change the subject since arguing with Elric always left him feeling exhausted. "I didn't have a suit, that's why I didn't come."

His tactic must have worked for Elric asked him why he didn't ask him to order one.

"I can get my own suit if I want, though it would not be as expensive as yours. If I were to stand next to you in a rented suit, take pictures with you, do you really think it would have come out well? I have my pride Elric. Additionally, I had earlier on decided on not being there for graduation. I was in fact supposed to be in the states but then we ended up being fated..."

"Let's play."

"What?" Niel asked but Elric didn't say a word and just continue to stare at him.

"Every time you feel cornered you always change the subject out of the blue."

Ignoring Niel, Elric asked. "What's wrong? Can't do it?"

"Your back still hasn't healed properly..."

"Worry about yourself."

From Niel's point of view, Elric seemed furious and somehow appeared to be finding ways to avoid talking about things he either didn't know how to talk about or didn't want to.

"Fine then. As you wish but this time, keep the suit on."

"Are we roleplaying?" Elric asked raising an eyebrow with a smile on his face.

"I've had something on my mind and since I'm feeling fatigued, I won't be using any strength neither will you be whipped or tied up."

"Sounds boring. Are we changing location this time since we are in your room?"

"If you love play this much then you should have one room for it don't you think?"

'It's in my apartment, but you refused to move in with me."

"Will you just go back into the room?" Niel gestured with his hand and Elric laughed for he knew just how much Niel despised that idea.

"I want you to pay attention to how you feel after this experience."

"Okay. Any rules?"

"Only one. There is no safe word today. Only when I say we are done is when we are done."

Nodding, Elric responded, "Understood."

"Failure to do so, I'll use my scent to make you submit until I'm satisfied."

Niel had always been creative with his play that Elric hadn't predicted this turn of events. There were neither touch nor any binding or tying like he had said, but just two guys sitted down, one on the bed and the other leaning at the dressing table, Niel occupying the latter.

"Why is it so hard for you to let people into your life, or open up to them? Is it because you worry about being too much on them?"

"Niel, what kind of play is this? I'm too comfortable..."

"You won't be comfortable soon enough."

"The heck..? So I'm just supposed to sit here and listen to you talk and if I don't cooperate you what, use your scent on me?"

"Exactly."

"And the punishment is your threatening scent, that's it?"

"Do you want to make me repeat the rules again?"

"Nope. Continue. I wonder where this is going but you've entertained me the past few days. I can't wait to hear what you have up your sleeve this time."

Clearing his throat, Niel crossed his arms and legs and looked at Elric straight in the eye. "If you pass this level, there will be a reward. I'll stimulate you with one of my erotic scents I haven't shared with you yet."

Rubbing his hands excitedly, Elric said. "Then what are we waiting for? Start talking!"

"Tell me about your father."

"The fuck?"

"Cooperate Elric. I respect that it may be a private matter so you can pass if you wish..."

"Pass." Elric answered instantly.

"What about your mother..?"

"Pass."

"I didn't tell you to pass." Niel warned and watched Elric frown. He seemed displeased with what Niel was up to.

Raising one of his hands, he asked. "May I ask a question?"

"No. This play, or conversation, however you choose to think of it could fix a lot of things. Through listening and being honest, instead of arguing and shutting me out, try and communicate something, no matter how small it is."

Elric kept quiet as he stared accusingly at Niel. He felt tricked.

"There is goodness in this world without money, similar to the way I believe there is a you without all the material things you posses and people around you. Allow yourself to accept vulnerablity without being afraid of how you feel. Breakdown if you must and move forward. Find new beginnings instead of repeating the same cycle over and over. Become gentle with your healing by connecting with every broken piece of yourself. If you must, connect with those you feel deeply for. Being alive is not just having fun and playing around. It also includes being happy with what you have not, your pain and suffering, things you've overcome, your fears, your tears, recognizing how lucky you are to just be alive because Elric, beauty doesn't last. It vanishes each and everyday therefore, do not let your true self become one of them."

Niel stopped briefly to closely analyze any reaction from Elric but he was sitting like a statue, as passive as can be. It was hard to tell if he was listening or hearing him. Despite his unresponsiveness, Niel decided to continue.

"I believe you have always wanted to be loved...according to your imprint that is, but you feel like you do not deserve it. Deep inside you, eventhough you hate to admit it, you wish to have something that can last. You want a love that protects you and you protect it. You want a feeling that holds you high and defends you when you can't and you already have that since we are fated. I can sense what your soul is saying and I know you are in denial of it so how can you fully commit if you are this afraid of what you want yet still crave for it? How can I commit to you when you are not even sure of yourself?

Elric, I've had enough. My instinct as your fated is to do the things that please you and I have done that despite it being against my will. I've given you my time and myself but you are constantly holding back, living on the surface and afraid to let yourself sink in deep. Currently, I'm taking responsibility for you and the things in you that are not even my fault. I keep thinking I'm doing something wrong but it's downright impossible for you to recognize that you are doing me and yourself wrong.

Why would you even want me to hurt you in the first place? You keep pushing, acting and waiting fo me to react. I stayed in a bad relationship long before I realized I should have walked away from it. I stayed like a fool, hoping that the other person will value my patience and discipline then eventually recognize my efforts and change back to who they were in the beginning.

I won't walk that part ever again. Not with you or anyone else.

Just like me, you deserve more but I'm not about to fix you and save you. If anything, I'm only supposed to love you by letting our spiritual essence take over. If you do wrong, I will not make excuses for your bad behavior Elric. I'm not refusing to take accountability for playing along, instead, I'm taking responsibility just to fix this relationship.

I'm not planning to make the same mistake of waiting until the love is gone before I walk away since we usually loose ourselves before we loose the love. If we do not address our issues now, the will pop up later.

Right now, you are using your own trauma as an excuse to inflict it on me and for a while, I believed you're causing yourself pain because of the pain your father may have felt himself. While I played with you, I have no qualms about a little drama in the bedroom but I don't want us to play when you're using that to justify abuse. Therefore Elric, it makes me uncomfortable to cause you pain especially when I know you want it for the wrong reasons. If we are going to do it, let it not have any link with others or unfinished businesses."

"What a nice lecture. When do we get to the good stuff?" Elric neither smiled nor sneered as he asked the question. Niel had expected him to be disobedient as he usually was but it was surprising how quiet he had been the entire time.

"My reward. I want it now, that is if you are done running your mouth."

Niel chuckled and stood up. "So you cooperated because of the reward?" He didn't wait for Elric's answer before he began letting out scent, fulfilling his promise and was impressed with Elric's quick reaction to it.

"Oh my word...this is...sensual...almost addictive." Elric's face was completely flushed. He appeared to be dizzy and was about to fall on the bed when Elric reached to hold him midway, pulling him to his embrace, an embrace that was welcomed wholeheartedly by Elric.

"My body...it's..it's heating up..."

"So fast? Damn it! If he takes in more, he will go into heat!" Niel thought to himself and began switching up his scent gradually, lest Elric noticed.

"You did well." Niel said.

"Let's...go somewhere... I want to go...to a place..the two of us..." Elric couldn't controle the loud thudding of his heart, too loud that he was sure Niel could feel it too.

"I can't..."

"...Why?" Elric asked, tilting his head to look up at Niel. "Let's...celebrate our...graduation. You owe me for...being a no show..."

"I have to go see my grandparents."

"I'm coming...with you..." Elric said breathlessly. He began to feel himself panicking a little as a cold sweat ran from his forehead down to his cheek. "I listened to your...ranting... You can't leave me...again..."

Looking down at Elric, who seemed dazed, Niel deduced he may have rewarded him a little too fast and a little too much.

"You're going into heat Elric..."

"Yea..." Elric smiled, closing his eyes gently and whispered. "Take...responsibility..."

"Not today. At least for now, rest and think about what I discussed with you. It must have tortured you to stay quiet like that, but you did well.

We are done."