107. Don't Push Me Away

"I must seem like I'm crazy sometimes Yeon, but I'm only looking out for my brother, just like Mijin is always looking out for you."

"Seriously, you can't expect my parents to accept your brother that easily. It will take sometime especially for my father." Yeon cautioned.

"Seeing you and Mijin together used to make me envious Yeon. That's why I wanted to be friends with you. I really wished we dated though. Too bad..." Mora said while smiling. "As you are already aware, my brother and I weren't exactly raised in a proper home. Regardless of that, I do not wish for him to be taken advantage of further."

Yeon had come to visit Mijin when he bumped into Mora. He hadn't expected to find her at his parent's home and it was his mother that informed him of Mora's visits to Mijin.

They were sitting by the dining area, Yeon constantly fidgeting on his seat. It was clear to Mora he was uncomfortable and Mora debated on whether to make him aware she'd noticed his open displeasure at the sight of her.

"He did a lot of things Mora. Despite his condition, he still acted all on his own. Who knows where him and his friends were dragging me off to that night? What if Stan hadn't showed up? Besides, you and Mijin are equally to blame for it all..."

"Yeon, I'll atone for following Mijin like a fool all the time. I should have stopped her but I couldn't speak up. Mijin has such a strong character as you know. Defending my brother currently is the first time I've ever stood up to speak for myself." Mora seemed remorceful as she spoke. "I'm exhausted, constantly living in-between right and wrong. I'm tired from repetitively being used by Mijin or having to worry if she will stab my back at any moment. Living in fear is no fun Yeon, yet, you somehow forgive Mijin. Why can't you forgive me too? You doubt me despite my sincerity."

"It's not like that Mora. I could have died that day, gone crazy or much worse, be taken advantage of more than I already was. If Stan hadn't come after me..." Yeon stopped midway when he saw Mora extend her hand to reach for his on the table. They'd been sitting opposite of each other all this time.

Retracting his hands to place them on his lap under the table, he felt glad to have been quick enough to anticipate Mora's movements, who frowned at his rejection of her. Ignoring her disappointed look, Yeon continued. "You say you cared for me. Where were you when everubody had left me all alone there? Despite everyone being kicked out, you could have alarmed someone that I was left behind."

"I sincerely have no excuses. I guess I trusted Mijin too much since she had still been inside with Elric..."

"Mora your stories don't match." Yeon declared. "You are manipulative and I can't quite put my finger on it, but I get a weird feeling whenever I'm around you. Reporting your father that easily, surely..."

"Are you doubting me because you find it hard to let your parents know the things Mijin has done?"

Yeon remained quiet and stared at Mora. He had thought numerous times to expose his sister but everytime he wanted to, he hated having to relive the look of pity from his parents all over again.

"Look Yeon, I'm fine with you doubting me. I'm fine even if you don't like me anymore. I've exposed my entire family because of you. Your case being dismissed like that truly dumfounded me and yes, my brother should be punished just like his accomplices but please, dont' push me away. Use me. Use the information I have against my father to take revenge. Free us from him. Do you think I like it that my family is broken? I want to go back home too and be welcomed you know. I can't have that but my brother will. Mijin's pregnancy binds him to you all but don't worry, I won't be forcing myself on all of you. My only request is you let me stick around a little longer, at least share in the love your family offers. I'd like to know how it feels to have grown up in a loving home."

"Is that why you attached yourself to Mijin like that?"

"I see, Niel told you everything." Shrugging her shoulders, Mora spoke. "Well then, if it has come to this, I guess I can't convince you further than I already have."

"What bullshit. I get that you hurt a lot but it was your choice to follow Mijin all along. You're are no fool Mora. You succesfully lead the support group so easily, accumulating a large following in a short span of time. You knew exactly what you were..."

"I like you Yeon. Perhaps I still do." Mora blurted out.

Yeon's expression changed into shock, then slowly grew calm as he took a deep breath in. "Mora..."

"Don't say anything else. I liked you first and I'm not expecting you to accept me. However, I'm glad I'm able to confess my feelings to you finally. Please do not be burdened by my confession. I just want to remain happy, just as you are being with Stan."

"How can you tell me all that and expect me to act as if I'm not burdened by it? You could have just not told me to begin with."

"I kept quiet all this while because of what you were going through and yes, I'm a coward. When you needed a pair, I didn't show up on time. Mijin never told me you'd been looking for one to begin with but I guess that would have been pointless since you were already fated to Stan...still, the image of you and I together kept lingering in my thoughts and even now, I admit that I can't be just satisfied with only seeing you happy with Stan. I wish I was in his place everyday."

"Hey stop..." Yeon couldn't stand listening to Mora any longer. The more she spoke, the more confused he became yet despite raising his hand to gesture her to give him tIme to process how quickly she'd changed the subject to other matters, she still cut him short.

"I can't make you happy the way he does. I've always felt you tensed around me. That day you first attended the support group meeting and I asked you if you two were dating, you said no, yet, you both kept looking at each other, drawn to each other somehow that I wished it was me you had hated as much as you hated him then. I'd take hate any day from you instead of the pity and doubts you have of me at the moment."

'Stan should just die...but that would make you sad Yeon.'

"Mora, let's not waste each other's time. I never once looked at you beyond a friend. I respect your feelings but find a way to not foster them further than you already have. Move on please."

"I'm greedy Yeon...'Yet I do not want to hurt you. Why? What makes you special to me? Why are you a weakness that I can't erase? Do I pity you this much, or is it that I'm still afraid to be left by myself...and my thoughts?'"

"Whatever you claim to feel for me is neither love nor affection Mora. You can't love someone and still do the things you and Mijin did to me. I'm sorry for what you and your brother had to go through but I can't act like living in such a toxic environment didn't make you broken a little. Heck, I'd have gone insane already! You and your brother need some serious help, so does my sister after what she went through in the presence of you and your psychotic father. I too was traumatized after what I went through and if it wasn't for Stan and his family, I'd probably have killed myself by now. Stan liked me enough to put up with me, making me want to trust and love someone again."

'I feel desperate to have Yeon on my side at all costs. Why won't he notice me? Perhaps I should find a way to hold on to him the way Mijin is now tied to my brother forever... Wait..! Do not be hasty Mora. You and Yeon are already bound for life. Yes. As long as my brother's child is still alive and healthy, I can always find an excuse to see you Yeon. You are the only link between me and my sanity. After all, father did say to always find a centerpoint and focus on it or else, I'll loose balance and people will begin to notice me for who I am. No! I wouldn't want to have the curtain fall down on me after coming this far.'

"...Nonetheless, I appreciate your courage to confess to me despite it being too late. I hope you understand that I will never accept your feelings not just because I'm already fated but because I've never looked at you that way."

"I kept thinking about it, how you'd respond if I told you my feelings." Mora added sadly. "Thanks for taking time to listen to me. I guess I became more aware of how much I have liked you the moment I discovered I had no chance after you being fated..."

"Please be happy. I mean it Mora." Yeon cut in. "I honestly do not know much about your brother, neither do I know what to feel knowing the things he had to go through. My parents have informed me of the wounds all over him. Seems the things you spoke of your father's violence were true. Still, I'm infuriated by you and him. It might take me some time to accept my case being blamed on me being drunk and careless, but then, to think that night I got to meet my fated... I wouldn't want to think how your brother must feel having his fated being taken away from him through a forced marriage. Therefore, in such a case and only for my case, I may end up pardoning your brother earlier than forgiving you for being a participant in my demise. As for Mijin, I can't forgive your brother. I'd have to at least see him to actually believe he is insane. Your father on the other hand, well, I'll keep my thoughts to myself."

'Please, Yeon, don't push me away. 'I've come this far just to have you close to me.'"

"How can I push you away? You did say I could use you therefore, stick around until your father is permanently locked up. After that, please leave me and my family alone."

"What about my brother?"

"He is not my decision. Ask Mijin that. You and her still seem so close."