Chapter 9 - Old Men are Scary

[streets of E-Rantel, Re-Estize Kingdom]

Dressed in relatively common attire; Narberal wearing her typical hanging tan swing-coat; the Pleiades were walking at a slightly buried pace. Beta was in front, looking a bit torn up.

"What should we do-n-su?... Where do we even start?"

"I thought we were heading in a specific direction, henceforth I followed you."

"Say, Nabe, you got to spend more time with Ainz-sama. What would he do?"

Narberal rested her chin on her fist, pondering for a few moments.

"I cannot say for certain. I have yet to understand his superior way of thinking, far ahead of the moment."

Lupi then turned the other way.

"Saaayyy, Solution-san! - you've also been to E-Rantel before. Where-to?"

"Err, sorry, but I mainly followed Sebas-sama."

Lupusregina looked up and sighed tiredly.

"This is so difficuuult!"

Then she looked down.

"I suppose we could start by asking around-su."

"Understooood! Begin. Interaction. With. Humaaans!"

Shizu picked up her step and sprinted right up to the closest person, an old, hunch-backed man, with sun-burnt hanging skin and tiny charcoal eyes.

"By the authority. Of the. Sorcerer Kingdom. I. Demand you. To. Say. Everything you know. About the. Clearwater Scripture!"

The old man gasped, and began to make confused and scared groans.

"Speak in a language I. Comprehend. Mortal!"

All four of the Pleiades rushed to cover Shizu's mouth and drag her back before she could say more.

"Shizuuuu! You can't use the name of the Sorcerer Kingdom! You'll scare people away and get us in trouble!"

"Then. What. Do. I. Say?"

The Pleiades looked at each-other, none of them able to come up with something.

"If I may, Ainz-sama once recruited a group of adventurers for our mission, to benefit from their knowledge of the surrounding terrain and monsters, locations of useful commodities and stores, relations with other commoners, and so on. The adventurer guild may be a good place to acquire information as well."

Upon hearing this, Lupusregina's eyes glittered like a cat's in the darkness. Her mouth was shaped like an oval.

"Woaaaah!"

"As expected of Narberal!" - added Solution.

Beta started walking with far exaggerated and overjoyed hand motions.

"ALRIGHT! Adventurer guild, here we come!"

(...)

Empty.

Aside for a middle, or past-middle-aged woman in a victorian sky-blue maid-like dress with cat scratches and tears on it, dusting the counter, and a bearded drunkhead asleep on a puddle of ale on his table, nobody was around in the usually overcrowded guild.

Nevertheless, Lupi walked over to the counter.

"Good afternoon. How can the guild help you?" - asked the lady in a husky, extremely bored voice, that sounded like she could use a glass of water.

This slightly turned Beta away.

"Ehm, why is nobody around? Are you closed?"

"The guild is less populated on Saturdays. Most adventurers are partying or flirting with whoever and whatever they can catch. It's only at this time we get a rest."

The counter lady was giving off an air of 'beyond-depressed', as well as cynical and 'done-with-this-crap'.

Despite the setting of Yggdrasil being in the mediaeval era, for convenience sake, the NPCs would use modern date and time.

After a short pause, Beta continued.

"My name is Lupi. (she was presenting herself with her nickname to avoid revealing her real one) How can I call you?"

"Doesn't matter."

Lupusregina lowered her ears.

"What do you mean?"

"My name is too hard to remember for most, so everybody calls me what they want. To some I'm Helga, to others Magda, or else just 'Guild Lady'."

"Err….."

While Beta was stupefied, Entoma was inspecting the sleeping man, first tapping him to see if he would respond, then pulling her sickle-like upper limbs out of their sleeves to lift his head, dropping it flat on the table. Seeing as he was well asleep, she then had a taste of the beer spilled all over, then dug into the mug.

"Say, er… Helga? - have you heard anything about the Sunlight Scripture?"

"Beats me. If you plan to hire a spy, you can make an announcement on the board."

'Helga' then pulled out a thick stack of papers, continuing to speak more rapidly and bureaucratically:

"You must complete this, and this, and sign here (...)"

(...)

[one hour later, outside the adventurer guild]

Beta exits the guild last, slamming the door on her way.

"Nothing! It's already evening and we've got nothing! Nyaaaargh!"

She then let her arms hang down while bending over and nearly tearing up. Her mouth and eyes seemed to leak down like water.

"...I'm hungryyyy!"

Entoma nearby was excitedly nodding 'Mmhm! Mmhm!'.

Like a messenger from a god, Solution spotted a young girl with a wide face, rather ugly teeth, freckles and messy, brick-tinted hair, tied up in double buns, carrying a heavy load of caramelised apples.

Solution walked away from the group, gently approaching her and bending her knees to come closer to her level.

Her voice was as gentle as a lukewarm ray of sun. She'd easily be able to sway anyone with her charm.

"Whatcha' got there?"

"Candy! My mom says it makes my teeth go bad but it's too yummy! I'm selling it to my neighbours. Want some?"

"I'd love to! How much???"

The girl blushed and put on an innocent smile, trying her best to imitate a business attitude.

"One copper, please!"

Solution smiled back. The dusk rays shined from behind her, giving her royally-woven golden twirls a white aura. Her beautiful appearance and motherly kindness made the girl's eyes shine in tears.

"Here you go! I'll take five!"

Solution handed her a piece of silver. This was obviously too generous, but Solution simply lacked smaller currency.

As she bit into the apple, Solution blushed, covering with a hand the cheek where the bite of apple was.

The food in Nazarick was minutiously planned out in order to exactly satisfy the bodily needs of each inhabitant of the Royal Quarters. It varied for each species and individual, taking into account their size and activities. For example, if someone was sick, the food would contain a higher amount of protein, and more fluids.

The level at which the food was prepared was master class. However, that meant old-fashioned peasant's dishes and desserts were out of the question.

This was the first time Solution tasted anything like this.

When Solution showed up, the other Pleiades were debating over where they could get food, and whether it was acceptable to eat before making progress on their mission.

"Ah, Solution! Where have you been?"

"I got us food" - she said, showing forth her hand holding a bunch of caramel apples on sticks.

Entoma rushed to nom on one, while Shizu was having a hard time eating it without her components sticking together.

"Also, I came up with an idea, I think - what if we knocked on doors to sell something, and use that as a pretext to ask for information?

"Not bad" - affirmed Narberal - "But what do we sell?"

Lupusregina dug her hand into her bag of holding - a magical item that allowed storing an infinite amount of small items; an inferior version of a player's ability to reach into their inventory at any time, created by the one and only, Pandora's Actor.

She pulled out a wide and flat box, on top of which there was a cartoony figure of Ainz wearing a groom's tuxedo, with hearts and kiss marks all around it. She lifted the lid.

"Albedo made these. She said they were meant to spread the love and appreciation for our supreme ruler, and that she had a hard time letting go of them, but she wanted these shared with the world…"

Inside the box, there were multiple chibi ornaments, most of them of Ainz, and some of 'Momon' the Orichalcum adventurer.

There was one more of Shalltear with her eyes in the shape of crosses and a noose around her neck.

"I… suppose this will do." - Narberal exhaled doubtfully.

(...)

[early in the night, around the edges of the city]

The Pleiades had split up to cover more ground.

[Lupusregina Beta]

Knock-Knock!

A blonde girl with straight cut bangs and an antipathic, grumpy face opened up.

Lupi slapped her hands together, forming the same gesture as when one's praying or begging for something.

She then gesticulated a lot, expressing herself in a child-like manner to seem more approachable.

"Hello there!!! My name's Lupi; I'm on a mission to look for some bad guys - wooo! Have you seen any people wearing a sky blue coat, or using some weird language, or buying a lot of spellcasting components?"

"My mom told me not to speak with strangers."

"Oh, er…."

"Goodbye!" - and with that, the girl closed the door.

Slam!

(...)

[Narberal Gamma]

Knock. (...) Knock.

After making Narberal wait for 30 seconds or so - which was already 20 seconds past the waiting time she had allocated for a lower life form - a fat man opened the door, poking his belly button which was well outside the cover of his shirt.

"Greetings, repulsive creature! I have come to you to make a proposal: I shall give you these pieces of carved wood that carry little significance, yet more than your entire presence in this universe, and in exchange, I desire information regarding rumours of cultist rituals around this filthy sludge dump you call a city."

The man continued to inspect his belly button, which further irritated Narberal.

"I know this level of communication might be challenging for your limited intellect, however I beg of you to cooperate, and I will attempt to add on to the initial agreement."

The two of them stared at each-other for several seconds, which felt like eons to Narberal, especially as she had to endure listening to the man scratching his belly.

Eventually, seeing as she had nothing else left to say - so nothing he understood overall, the man closed the door in Nabe's face.

This all happened too sudden for Narberal to even realise she should be shaking with anger, which instead kicked in slowly. This gave her a brief moment to clench her fist and think out a way to cool off, before the vein in her temple would explode.

*Okay now, calm down! Focus! Focus! You are on a mission! Think of happy things!

...Strawberries, bunnies, dustbunnies - are those even cute? They sound cute... fluffy...*

She then grabbed her arms lightly, giving herself a hug and blushing at one of her thoughts.

"Fat cat on my lap...*

By a miracle, Narbral managed to resist the urge to cast [Dragon Lightning]. She grabbed onto her overcoat and stepped away with a pleased smile.

(...)

[Solution Epsilon]

Knock-knock! (but softly)

A dark skinned 'ugly old man' with a massive overflowing double chin immediately opened up, before Solution even had the chance to pull her hand back.

Solution redressed herself and greeted the man with her hands gently laid one on top of the other.

"Sorry to disturb! Would you be interested-"

"Beautyyy!"

"Pardon me?"

The man's eyes turned googly and cute. He now looked more like an ugly baby. The air around him was twinkling as well.

"Ooh, you are excused! You are! Please, come in!"

Solution still maintained a straight face, dealing with the situation as formally as possible.

"Sorry, I'm not sure that would be a good idea"

He now had his chins rested on his fists, much like a cat-girl trying to be cute.

"Aww, that's too bad! I have been waaaaaaaaaaaaiting for lady all night, sob sob!"

"Ara… poor you…" - whispered Solution as her gaze shifted down to the door handle.

(...)

Slam!

(...)

[Entoma Vasilissa Zeta] - would have knocked if she wasn't distracted by an anthill on the side of the road.

(...)

[CZ2128 Delta]

Knock.

A young-ish lad opened the door. He had short trimmed hair and a well-built body with thin waistline, emphasised by his belt.

…He wore a sky blue robe with white line patterns; the trademark colours of the Slane Theocracy; which, in the middle of his torso, had an emblem that resembled the surface of a lake, being blown by gentle gusts of wind…

He seemed sleepy, and not entirely sobre.

"Ehh? What is it?"

"I. Am here. To sell. Chibi. Miniatures."

The man's eyes cleared up, as he began stressing out for seemingly no reason.

*Chibi Miniatures? Oh no… Is that the new code? Dammit, I shouldn't have spaced out during the lecture! Okay, okay, just… act natural!*

"Yes! Of-of course! I uh, I will buy five. Thank you!"

"Understood. Ainz or Momon?"

*Gyaaah! What is this now? Is she asking which components we need? Or is this a second measure of security and there's only one right answer? Think, think!!!! Dammit!

Calm down, let's analyse: Ainz - that was the powerful sorcerer that wiped out the entire army of the Kingdom with a single spell, and Momon - the mysterious jet-black symbol of justice. This must be a question of good and evil. In that case, most people would pick Momon. Then I shall…*

"Ainz it is!" - shouted the cultist, nervous about whether this was the right choice.

"Understood. Five. Ainz-samaaas."

*Phew! That was right!*

Shizu showed him the products, which only begged further questions.

*What are those… totems? Couldn't be… Ah, I see! They must have data crystals hidden inside! How ingenious!*

"M-magnificent work!"

"I. Did not. Make them."

"Ah, I know that! I was complimenting the manufacturer!"

"I. Shall inform. Albedo-sama."

*Al-Albedooo? Who is that? A new recruit? Did the boss change his name again? Just play along…*

"Thank you. I-"

"May. I. Ask. About your relationship. With the. Clearwater Scripture?"

*Aaah! She got me figured out! I have been giving poor answers all this time and now she thinks I must be a rookie! I have to prove my worth-

Wait, no! She is testing me for the first rule! Never answer to the name Clearwater Scripture'. Phew, I almost blew it!*

"I uh, I have never heard about them!"

"Understood. Then. What. Do you think. About jet packs?"

*Oooh, what noowww???? Give me a break, would you??*

"They are alright, I suppose."

"Just alright?"

"Y-yes?"

"Not. Excellent? Wonderful? Mind. Blowing?"

*W-what are we talking about????*

Shizu then continued:

"I see. Too. Bad. Farewell."

Shizu snatched the doorknob out of his hand, shutting the door before leaving.

*Eh? That was all? What about the data crystals? (...)*

(...)

[back at the splitting point]

"So, how did it go?"

The Pleiades reported dismissively to Beta's question, along the lines of 'Nothing here.', 'Negative!', or 'Nuh-uh!'.

Narberal didn't even want to talk about it.

Lupusregina sighed, then channelled her strength and proposed:

"Alright, one last door! All of us!"

(...)

[Pleiades]

Knock-knock!

A bald man opened the creaking door. His pupils were white and his eyes were each looking in different directions, however none of them looked at the Pleiades.

Beta tried positioning herself to be in the man's sight, however, each time she moved, his eyes moved as well, and she wouldn't manage to move into his view no matter how she stepped.

She eventually gave up and simply put on a wide smile.

"Hello old-man! May I borrow a moment of your time?"

"Are we promoting a religion now?" - commented Narberal in the back.

The man replied in a stereotypically 'old man's voice':

"What do you, youngsters, want at this hour?"

As the two of them were talking, a cat was insistently meowing in the background, as if it was in heat.

"I just want to ask you a few question-"

"Meow!"

"Eh? Are you detectives or something?"

"No, no, we are uh, well, I suppose you could call us-"

"Meowww!"

Each meow was stepping harder and harder on Lupusregina's nerves, who was smiling wider and wider in response, up to the point where the corners of her lips were trembling next to her ears.

"Eh? I couldn't hear you!"

The old man leaned forward, pointing his hairy ear towards Lupi.

She tried her best to maintain her temper.

"S-sorry, what I was trying to say was-"

"Meeeeooooowwww!"

Finally, she snapped:

"Oh, can someone please take care of that cat!!!"

"Ookayy!"

"Thank you!" - Beta replied instinctively, without realising that Entoma had offered.

She was immediately calmed down by this, and tried once more.

"As I was saying, I-"

Suddenly, a back chilling screech came from the right.

"MEEEEEEEOWW!"

Realising what just happened and expecting the worst, Beta's hair curled up and her spine straightened like a plank.

Everyone's heads slowly turned to Entoma, who was just in the middle of slurping up the tail as if it were spaghetti.

Amongst them, the old man exclaimed:

"Fufuu!!!!"

"Fufu?"

"My cat!!!"

"EEEEH?"

Everyone stood still, until eventually Solution was first to break the ice and ask:

Uh… Entoma-san, where is the old man's cat?"

Entoma's head trembled, without giving a response. She seemed to be struggling in some way.

"A-are you alright-su?"

Her head shook more, as she raised her arms to her neck. Then, one moment later:

Ahchyoo!

A massive furball dropped out from her chin onto her arms which she was holding out to catch it. Along with it came a long drool.

Seeing this, Shizu reflexively giggled, then immediately covered her mouth.

Her data entry read 'CZ2128 Delta appears emotionless and has a silent nature.'

This would indicate she didn't show emotions, which would have been true at all times, if not for a specific word: 'appears'.

This meant that CZ2128 was, in fact, in complete control, and was able to understand feelings and language as well as anybody else. However, she had to act according to her character.

Inevitably, an angry shout followed:

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY CAT???"

Lupi jumped between them to try and loosen the tension.

"Calm down! Calm down! I…I'm sure she didn't mean to!"

She then turned towards Zeta with her hands on her hips, like a mother scolding her child.

"Entoma… what do we do when we eat someone's cat?"

Entoma tilted her head in confusion and made a long "Eeeeeeeeh". Then, she figured it out through an eureka moment, and stretched her arms forward to offer the furball to the old man.

Unfortunately, the furball fell through the gap between her sleeves, making a "pflosh!" sound on the ground, leaving Entoma looking down, puzzled and saddened.

"Pfff-ch % haha! M…. ### bwahahaha!" - Shizu was trying her best to laugh into her scarf, which she was holding up with her hand.

*Stay in character, stay in character!*

Beta, who was not so amused, placed her hand on her forehead in a facepalm position, then shook 'no' with the index of her other hand.

"No, no, no!! What do we SAY??"

Once again, Entoma was puzzled, but this time the answer was much more straight forward.

She raised her hands way up:

"E-to… TASTYYY!"

"I'll show you tasty, you little brat! Arrrrgh!!" - he growled, somewhat like a dog and a pirate at the same time.

With one last desperate attempt to calm down the waters, Lupusregina gestured him to stop.

"N-no! What Entoma meant to say was-"

"Thank. You. For. The. Dinner!" - Shizu couldn't help herself from a golden chance at a punchline, after she managed to stop her chin from trembling due to the laughter.

She also took full advantage of this opportunity to press on each of her words and sound completely robotic, hoping to cover up for her previous mishap.

"You disrespectful rascals - I'll teach you some manners!"

The old man pulled out a half-broken cane. To any trained warrior such as the Pleiades, this was a clear sign of battle damage.

As suggested by Ainz, such a critical situation as combat required precise synchronization, which meant someone had to give an order.

Analysing the threat, Lupusregina stepped into the position of leadership, and commanded:

"Pleiades! RUN!"

Used to not question orders much, the rest followed.

The old man also began walking towards them at a snail's speed, every now and then growling: 'Arrrrrgh!'

"Why are we running? Any one of us could easily take him on!"

"I know that, Narberal, but we mustn't attract any more unwanted attention, plus…"

"Old. Men. Scarry."

"Exactly right, Shizu!"

"I should have bought more apples - I apologise, everyone!"

"Arrrrrrrgh!"

"What is that growl though? Is it a troglodyte? Ugh… repulsive creature! You were indeed right in your judgement, Lupusregina-san. Retreat was the best option."

"By the way, did you guys hear Shizu laughing earlier?"

"Negative! It. Was. Your imaginatiooon!"

"Achyooo! - More fuuuur!"

(...)

[end of chapter 9]