Chapter 6: A Bad Confession

"Please, Lord. Please bless me with your noble seed." begged Ceday

𝒀𝒐𝒖'𝒗𝒆 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒌𝒊𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆… 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌… 𝑾𝑯𝑨𝑻 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑭𝑼𝑪𝑲!?

"Mm, much better. Come to me." Roland, the lord, let out a pervy chuckle.

I slowly close the door to make no noise and rest my back on it.

𝑰𝒅𝒊𝒐𝒕! 𝑾𝒉𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒃𝒆 𝒂 𝒍𝒊𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒓𝒚 𝒊𝒏 𝒔𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒂 𝒔𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒍, 𝒑𝒐𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒐𝒘𝒏?

I smacked myself on the side of my head.

𝑾𝒉𝒚 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒐 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒆… 𝑾𝒉𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝑶𝒕𝒊𝒔? 𝑭𝒖𝒄𝒌…

I covered my face with my hands.

𝑾𝒉𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔… 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆… 𝒘𝒉𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒓?

A thought struck my head, and I dropped my hands, and gazed at the ceiling.

𝑶𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒐𝒘𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆… 𝒔𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒊𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝑰 𝒔𝒖𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒆… 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒆… 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍… 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒉𝒆 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒂 𝒏𝒐𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒚? 𝑾𝒉𝒚 𝑪𝒆𝒅𝒂𝒚?

I stood up slowly, and made my way to the nearest window.

𝑺𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝑰 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝑶𝒕𝒊𝒔? 𝑵𝒐… 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒖𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒓𝒚 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒎𝒔… 𝒃𝒖𝒕…

I turn my head towards the door before jumping out the window and onto the ground.

𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈.

On my way home, I find Thomas and Zane walking around, laughing.

I didn't want anything to do with them right now.

As soon as I got home, I sprawled on my bed and questioned nearly everything until I fell asleep.

"Alaric. Wake up. Are you alright?" Ceday asked

I opened my eyes.

Ceday was peering down at me, concerned.

"I've never seen you sleep so early since you were a baby."

My eyes strayed away.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

I didn't want to look at her.

I didn't hate her, but I just felt so disgusted.

"Alaric, I got you books."

My gut felt like it was twisting as soon as I heard her say that.

"Ok…"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm tired. Can I go to sleep?"

"Oh… Ok…"

Ceday laid the books next to me gently.

I didn't even want to look at them.

I was so disturbed.

𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒅𝒐𝒆𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒇𝒇 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏? 𝑾𝒉𝒚 𝒎𝒆?

Ceday sat on a stool near the doorway to look outside.

A few hours had passed, and Ceday had prepared food for us.

Otis just came home, and I couldn't even look him in the eye either.

Otis, being as stupid as he usually is, didn't notice a single thing.

Ceday, however, was rapidly growing concerned.

I didn't say anything, and I barely ate.

Somehow, this whole situation hit me more than the man dying in the duel for the position of Town's Guardian.

Ceday and Otis weren't just two teenage lovers, they were both in their early 30s and have been together for 10 years.

If I told anyone about this, it would be detrimental to our family.

𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒆𝒏𝒅.

I didn't even think of them as my parents, but I still loved them.

"Alaric, is there something wrong?" Ceday finally asked "You're not yourself right now. It's really hurting my heart. Please, tell me what's wrong."

"IT'S NOTHING!" I slammed my fist on the table. Otis stood up

"Hey! What the hell are you doing?"

"Otis- relax. Alaric, I know there's something wrong."

"No, there's nothing wrong."

𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒘𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈…

"Alaric, please…" I noticed that Ceday was on the verge of crying.

"You're going to make your own mother cry, Alaric?" Otis snarled.

"I'm sorry…"

"Alaric, what is wrong with you today?"

"I'm sorry…" I stood up and ran outside.

I ran with no destination. It was so cold to where I could see each breath I take.

No one was chasing me. I ran to the prairie that was covered in snow.

I stumbled and fell down the hill trying to run down it, and face planted into a pile of snow at the bottom of the hill.

"Holy shit, Alaric!" a familiar voice shouts from above the hill.

It was Thomas, and he tumbled down the hill mockingly.

"Thomas…"

"You alright? Looks like you're crying."

I touched my face and I could feel warm tears pouring down my cheek and side of my nose.

"Why're you here, Thomas? It's very late. Don't you have dinner or something?"

"Ah, man. Well- stuff happened at home so I came here. It's like a safe place. Is that why you also came here?"

I got up and looked at Thomas.

"Safe place? Well… maybe that's why I came here. But what do you mean stuff happened at your home?"

"Ah- how about we both talk about how our problems lead us here."

𝑻𝒉𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒔… 𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒇 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒑. 𝑰'𝒎 𝒋𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒉𝒊𝒎, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰'𝒎 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒎. 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝑰'𝒅 𝒃𝒆 𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒇 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏'𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒉𝒊𝒎.

"Yeah."

"Alright… I'll go first. My dad hit my mom, and so I tried protecting mom, but he hit me and kicked me out of the house."

I gave Thomas a concerned look

"Thoma-"

"Uh, uh, uh." Thomas shook his head. "Tell me what happened to you, then we'll talk about it."

I hesitated at first, but Thomas seemed like the only person I could talk to about everything going on.

I explained what happened when I snuck into the manor.

"Wow… that's something else."

"Yeah…"

"Guess we all have our problems, huh?" Thomas chuckled. I chuckled with him, but I didn't find anything funny. I chuckled out of mere instinct because Thomas had a presence like the usual popular classmate.

"Hey, Alaric." He waited for me to respond, but I just looked at him. "Even if we can't solve each other's problems, would you mind sticking with me until we both can?"

This caught me by surprise.

I never knew a 5 year old could be so inspiring.

I looked into the sky, Thomas waited for my response.

𝑴𝒂𝒚𝒃𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒎𝒔, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒖𝒔 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒍𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒘𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒎.

"Hey, Thomas?"

"Yeah?"

"You'd keep this between us, right?"

There was a brief silence.

"Of course."

I approach Thomas and punch him on the shoulder gently

"I'll stick with you till' the end, Thomas."

"You promise?"

"Hell yeah."

Thomas 𝑙𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡𝑙𝑦 punches me on the shoulder, and I stumble backwards.

He just laughed, while I fell back in the pile of snow.

Thomas jumps next to me in the pile of snow.

"Till' the end, Alaric."

"Yeah."

__

A month passed by, and things between Ceday and me sort've went back to normal.

I haven't talked to her as much as I used to, and I feel discomfort every time she brings back books.

I also assumed she was infertile because of the amount of sex she was having between Otis and Roland.

But I just had to come to terms with this.

I have to accept this, and there's probably no other way I can confess this with everything not going wrong.

Except everything went wrong one day when Ceday told me something that made my heart drop.

"You know about the manor, don't you?" Ceday peered into my skull.

My eyes shot open

𝑶𝒉… 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌…

Cedar told me to sit down at the dining table and went outside.

I could see her pacing back and forth outside the door.

𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒅𝒐𝒆𝒔 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘?

Ceday stopped pacing, and sighed.

"I know you know, Alaric."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're just like your father… I know you're lying."

She came inside and sat across from me.

𝑺𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒍𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈.

"The guard's told me you followed me one day."

𝑺𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒍𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈!

"That's all I know. What were you doing in the manor?" I tried playing it off by asking questions, but Ceday shook her head in disappointment.

"If that's all you knew, you wouldn't be acting like this, Alaric. You know."

𝑾𝒉𝒚 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒆? 𝑰𝒇 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒃𝒆 𝒂𝒑𝒐𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒊𝒛𝒊𝒏𝒈!

I felt infuriated that she looked disappointed in me. I'm not the type of person to let my feelings speak first, so I stood calm.

"It scared me that you were going to the Lord's manor."

"Why?" Ceday asked

𝑾𝒉𝒚?

"It just did." I pleaded

"Cut the shit, Alaric. You know how I get the books. You have that dead feeling everytime I hand you books. You never did that before until that day you followed me to the manor." Ceday grew more impatient.

"Well why are you mad at me? You're the one who was cheating on Otis! I'm not telling him because I'm actually trying to hold a family together! I understand you're doing this for me, but if it means you're sacrificing yourself… then don't do it at all! It hurts me!"

Ceday crossed her hands and looked at the table.

"Alaric- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make it look that way… I'm just trying to tell you not to sneak into such places…"

"How did you know I snuck in there?"

"How else would you know about the books?"

𝑺𝒉𝒊𝒕- 𝑰 𝒈𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚…

"Alaric, they'd kill you if they saw you… don't do that…"

"Yeah, whatever."

I didn't know whether to blame her or understand her. In the end, I knew she was doing this for me.

"Look, Alaric. I don't want you to just be another peasant. You have potential to be something, and do something that these peasants could only dream of. I mean, you're literate, when most of this town can't read." Ceday covered her mouth and nearly shed a tear. "I just want to lead you to the right direction in life…"

"But to go such distances…"

"I would go further for you, Alaric. I'd do anything that means giving you a chance at lifetime happiness, even if I'm in the wrong."

Love is something strange. It's crazy how far people would go just to see others in a better position.

How do you describe love?

Obsession? Passion? Both? More?

These things I didn't know, and they all felt overwhelming to me.

"Mom…" I broke into a small cry. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't be Alaric. Don't cry. Be happy. Please." Ceday put her hand on my cheek and brushed my hair with her fingers. "Alaric, I love you."

Did I love her back like a parent? No. But I loved her as a parent figure, which lead me to replying

"I love you too, mom."

That was settled.

The only thing left to do was to decide whether I should tell Otis or just keep it a secret between the two of us.

The smarter decision was to not tell him, but the moral decision was to tell him.

I wasn't really a moral guy, so I decided not to tell him.

Unfortunately, Ceday thought otherwise.

Apparently, our talk influenced her to do the "right thing" and tell Otis and discuss the future.

She didn't tell me she was going to, but it was a week later at dinner that she decided to confess.

"Otis. If you had to sleep with another woman to make me successful, would you do it?"

𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕? 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕? 𝑪𝒆𝒅𝒂𝒚- 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒅𝒐 𝒊𝒕. 𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒂 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒕.

"Ah… I dunno. Would you let me?" Otis chuckled

Ceday smacked her lips.

"Would you let me sleep with another man to ensure your success?" Her tone of voice made it seem as if Ceday was pleading before she even confessed.

"I wouldn't let you sleep with another man for me."

"Oh…"

Otis rested his chin on the palm of his hand.

"Why?"

"Uh…"

Ceday seemed demoralized, but she was clearly forced to finish, otherwise the suspicion would linger and lead to further, and more consequential actions.

"Otis, I've been sleeping with the Lord to get Alaric books. There's no library outside the manor."

𝑶𝒉 𝒎𝒚 𝒈𝒐𝒅, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒊𝒅𝒊𝒐𝒕! 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈?

Otis hand that was holding his chin fell on the table.

He didn't say a single word, and there was a brief, uncomfortable silence.

𝑪𝒆𝒅𝒂𝒚… 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒗𝒆 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒌𝒊𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆…