Chapter 146

  Go answer it and leave me alone to freak out. Leave me to calm down and stop shaking like a leaf.

  I’m trying to sound cold and cool, but I’m petrified.

  “I don’t give a fuck; now open the door. Why are you hiding?” He’s exasperated, hurt.

  Why am I hiding? Because I’m scared. The overwhelming realization of what I’ve just done is drowning me. Jake’s anger and aggression are scaring me. I’m suffocating, and I can’t think straight. I can’t look at him; how could I? I’ve just seen every part of him naked and let him do things to me, intimate things. Pleasurable things!

  For the first time in my life, they didn’t feel wrong. Yet I’m experiencing the most guilt and shame I’ve ever felt. It’s too much. My head feels like it’s going to self-implode and take my body with it.