What is love?

Magdalene's POV

Flashback

I'm here at the library, doing my assignments and pending tasks, I can't lose my scholarship.

I have so much in my plate because I'm busy last time with my work. I'm a full time worker 5am-1pm and full time student 2pm-7pm, of course its hard but I need to survive because I don't have a choice.

"The library will close in 10 minutes, aren't you done on what you're doing?" I shake my head.

"Almost. You can go home if you're done" I said but he stayed.

"Excuse me, sir and mam the library will close soon. Please pack your things." the guard reminded us and leave.

"Arghh I still have 10 mins" I insist.

"Let's go and eat somewhere. Just finish that there." he suggested.

While walking to the fast food. I initiate a conversation.

"Blemsh, I'm so glad that in a weeks we're going to graduate. I'm sure your parents will be so proud to you!" I motivate him because he looks stressed.

"How did you say so?" He asked seems unconvinced.

"You're genius, for sure you'll graduate summa cum laude and will be our Top 1." I encourage.

"You think so? But Janice is also good, she's threat." he joke.

"I'm very sure that you'll made it." Janice is his rival but I'm competent enough that he's more smart.

"We're here. Finish your task and I'll be the one who'll order. It's my treat since you treat me yesterday." I nod and continue what I'm doing.

When I finished, our food arrive. Where here at fastfood luckily its 24/7 open and its close to our University.

"Do you think I'll make it on top just like you?" I asked him because I'm hopeful.

"Probably you'll be on fifth spot if you'll do well in final project. You know what, if you aren't working for sure you'll get the first spot. But it will be very hard for you because I'll be your rival." he commented.

"Well you and Janice are lucky because I'm broke because for sure if I'm not, first spot will be danger." I tease.

"In a serious matter, you should take care of yourself. I don't understand why you're still working full time. You're scholar, you have your monthly allowance so why making yourself drain?" he's right I can just focus on my study but I need to make myself busy so I can forget painful memories.

"I need to save. I want to build my own company." I resonate.

"As you say but please take care on yourself too. You are matter." I just nod.

Blemsh send me on my dormitory, before we bid our goodbye he hugged me so was shocked.

"What was that for?" I asked and he chuckles.

"Thanks for motivating me. Uhhm Mags?" he's weird, suddenly I feel tension between us so I chuckles.

"What? You're weird dude." and he laughed.

"After our graduation ceremony, if I got the first spot, I have something to tell you. But don't think about it yet." he said and run away. Most of time he's weird but despite that, he's cute.

On the day of our Graduation ceremony, Blemsh was right I made it on the fifth spot. Tho no one attend for me, I'm still happy that I made it.

"Today, will marked the new beginnings of our life. The fruitful of our sleepless nights, stressed, hard works etc., is happening today. May we achieve all the written goals we've wrote during our freshmen days." Here he is, Blemsh giving his speech. I knew it, he made it on top.

"In just few days we're all going to face the real world but for the mean time Let's cherish the moment. Congratulations Graduates! You did well and for sure You'll do well in your chosen fields. Break a leg!" we give him around of applause and standing ovation.

When the ceremony is done, I was ready to go home and pack my things. I need to find new apartment but I received a text message from Blemsh, he said, I should meet him at the garden of our school. He'll give his graduation gift.

"Magssss Congrats!" He is so hyper today.

"Congrats! I told you, you got the first spot. Where's my gift?" I impatiently asked so he give me his gift. I immediately opened it, it's a necklace with my engrave Name.

"I also got you a gift since you're somehow good to me. It's costly so make sure that you'll used it." I demanded and give him my gift. It's signature watched, limited edition.

"Wow this is costly. You know my taste huh!" He commented.

"Alright. I'm busy person so congrats. Celebrate with your family. Bye." I said and ready to leave.

"Wait Mags. I have something to say." so I stay for awhile and waited for his message.

"Uhmm, I don't if its the right time but I don't want to waste chance to tell you how I feel." Honestly I know that he has feelings for me. I liked him too.

"Mags, I already like you even before. I hope you give me chance to show it to you." I was quiet for while waiting him to finish his lines.

"You don't need to answer today, I'll give you time." he added.

"Blemsh, I'm sorry." I directly said.

"No. No. Mags take your time. Don't answer yet. Let me prove myself to you first. " he said and I saw fear in his eyes.

"Blemsh, I only see you as a friend and I like us to remain in that way. I'm sorry if I can't reciprocate your feelings for me." I said and walked away.

End of Flashback

"Why Mags? Why did you said no? Why did you turned me down" he asked and I looked away. As I reminisce with our past memories, somehow I still feel the pain.

"Why you didn't give me a chance to prove myself?" He added. We became silent for minutes, I don't know how I'll start to share my side. I'm afraid.

"Do you wanna know why I was so eager to get the first spot during our Bachelor years?" He asked, I know that he's doing it because he wants his family to be proud of him.

"Why?" I asked instead of answering.

"Because I wanted to be the man that was deserving for you. I saw all your hard works, your sacrifices, how you handle all your finances, your work, your study. I was there constantly watching you that just in case you need help, You'll ask for me. Instead you are the who was there for me to motive me and I guess you're so strong that you manage everything well." he's telling his side.

"Then I said to my said to myself, If I really like you then I should study well, work harder, so that you can see that I deserve you. During that time, the only thing I have was my family background, that I can from rich family but aside from that, I'm nothing compared to you." how funny things are, It was me who's nothing compared to him. It's me who isn't deserving from his love.

"I promised to myself, I'll make the first move if I got the first spot so that, even just for a little I would felt that I deserve you. I was ready to do everything for you, why you didn't let me?" he asked and then we became silent again, maybe he's waiting for my side.

I took a deep breathe probably about 10 times, when I felt like I'm ready to explain my side without crying, I started to spoke.

"I knew it. Before you said it, I already knew because I felt it. I even told to myself, Blemsh liked me, I'm certain." I started.

"Honestly I also liked you but everytime I admit it to myself, at the back of my mind asked, If I deserve you? If I deserve to be love?" I chucked when he looked at me.

"I don't know what love is Blemsh. I don't know what it is. I had my family but they never loved me that's why I choose to live alone. " I look at the sky while continuesly talking.

"I'm not even sure If I love myself. I'm empty. So I was afraid to love you that time, to give you a chance. For me, it was better if we remained friends." I slowly turned my head to him and it's his turn to look away.

"Blemsh, how can I love, if I don't know what is it? If I never felt it." I pause for awhile because I'm going to shatter.

"How can I love you? How can I give the love that you deserve? If I, even my own self, I never loved." That's it, I have a lot of things to say but I guess I'd said what he needed to hear.

"That's it?" He asked and I nod.

"Thanks Mags, now I know that I was lovable. It's already late, lets go home." and we started going back to my apartment.

When we got there, he didn't go in and he just said his goodbye.

"See you on our wedding. I'm sure you'll be the most beautiful bride. I can't wait to marry you." He said and I chuckles.