Four: Consequences

The sound of the door slamming behind Barry echoed as he returned to his study room, where he was safe, but it would only be a few moments till the consequences of his actions embodied by Nessa came after his head. He paced in circless brain working overtime to provide any kind of information and finding nothing, result of not being able to foresee this. Vanessa was out there still trying to smooth out the bumps of his mess. Explaining what he meant, and asking that they pardon him. She definitely was one of the Loyal readers of his parents' work.

He almost pitied her, doing all this for him while he knew he could never be who she needed him to be. He wasn't even sure he actually loved her or if she loved him It wasn't uncommon for actress to try to interweave themselves with all kinds of people in the industry to keep them, like Thomas put it, relevant. Like all his worth had been shrunk to how strangers viewed him.

He could hear the stomp, softened by the fur of her fluffy slippers as Vanessa made her way upstairs. She'd have questions. She'd demand an explanation, understandably. But he didn't have any more incite on what had happened than Vanessa did. He raked his hand through his dark brown curls, cursing his brother in his mind. He hated how much he wanted to be seen in the same light as him.

He hated the competitiveness that always spiked when his better was involved. And most of all he hated how he deep down just wanted to be in the family picture and fit there seamlessly. He wished he could undo the need to be seen by his parents for a minute. Not be reminded in every moment of his existence that he was in fact a mistake. That was not assumption, his parents hadn't planned for him. they had a three part series book about taking care of an unplanned child. Not that they'd ever done all those things they said to do.

" When we're you doing to tell me!" Vanessa cried out, kicking the door shut behind her. Her eyes took in the study room for the first time actually noticing what a mess it was and fighting the urge to begin cleaning it up. This had nothing to do with her commitment to project making Barry love her. She just loved a neat environment and to be in that room in this moment physically hurt.

That's the angle she'd taken. Chosen to believe that she was the one he:d be engaged too. Barry couldn't hide his shock, his eyebrows inched up his face before he could stop them. So now he didn't just have to deal with the shock of just how little control he had over wanting to be Mommy and daddy's favorite, he had to deal with Vanessa too. Sometimes he just thought the right thing would be to break up with her. But if they weren't really together was that breaking up? They'd never even defined whatever they were doing.

" Well?" Vanessa prompted, her eyes double their size searching his as if already deciding his answer would not be reliable and was better off gaging his honesty by staring at the depths of his soul. What had be done? He could either just play it off with Vanessa or lie out of it.

"I don't know what happen back there. "

Or be just as confused.

" I don't buy that for a second. " She was moments away from popping off. He could almost see the blinking neon red numbers hovering over her bead with each passing second. Surely after everything he was sure she knew they were never going to be it. Why was she making him say it to her? Why would she be so cruel to herself? Was she also a sucker for self sabotage, is that what drew them to each other?

" I don't know what to tell you. " His eyes rolled around awkwardly while he tried to look everywhere but right at Vanessa. " I was in a bad place Nes, Just let this go. "

" You're not even going to lie to me. " she said under her breath, more disappointed in herself than she was at him. What did she expect? She had known full well what she was getting into when she got involved with him.

" We're barely official." he mumbled, grateful that she had made it easier for him. He felt so dirty under hee gaze, he would need a nice soak after this fight.

" It's been two months of you hiding me like am some sort of a dirty secret while you've been jerking off to that girl! Is it really that bad? It was years ago!!! We were in fucking high school, and I'm here, now loving you as much as I can given how little you_ Im trying. " she cleared a her throat. Given how little he was trying, that's what she almost said. Barry had stiffened for a second there and she was afraid to lose him, so it wasn't the best time for them to be playing the rodents game of seeing how low they could go. Barry could go as low as he wanted and there just wasn't much to lose, not like there was for her.

" You said we'd never bring it up. "

Being the nerd he was, Barry still had a copy of his yearbook from way back where he could still see Bianca, in all her glory. It was no secret that he was still just as obsessed with her as her be if he'd met her days ago, which was truly concerning. One time Bianca had walked into him going at it with a deep look of lust in his eyes he's never had on for her, while he stared at the full page that featured all things Bianca because when you're the most popular girl you get favours like that. And he was pleasuring himself to that. A sight that turned from extremely hot to appealing in seconds.

"Is it some kind of sick joy you have? Cling so hard at the things you know you'll never get? Do you get some kind of kick out of it?"

"I could ask you the same thing. "

Her jaw fell open. She hadn't seen that coming. Did she seem that desperate?The image of his dear love flashed in her mind. It had been replaying since she walked past that restaurant. Those enchanting eyes, That hair, the way she walked like she owned the ground her foot stepped on, how could it not be her?. Was it just another pretty blonde waitress. Would he looooove her so much if he saw the fit on her uniform. If he knew how desperate she was, trying to seduce customers. Would he still like her if she wasn't so out of his reach.

" she's moved on, you know she has. I bet she doesn't even remember you. I bet she never even knew you. and she was a terrible person! "

How could he not remember that? Sure Bianca would smear mad on her face a turn herself in manuree and somehow still have men wishipping at her offer but was it really that bad.

" Funny you say that, you were her friend."

" She was never my friend." the tone in her voice caused the hairs on his body to pull away from his skin. " I'm leaving, I can't stand you right now. And don't be gross." The way she said that last part felt like a kick in the nuts. She really wasn't glibyng to let this go.

She turned, making sure her hair was hitting his face with the delicately perfumed scent of her thick jet black hair. He let out a sigh he didn't even know her been holding back. With them punching at each other's worst spots he'd grown so stiff, his body needing to protect him he hadn't eveb remembered to breath. she drove him crazy. But he genuinely liked her around.

As soon as the door shut behind her he knew he was doomed, something about being alone at night in a house as big as his felt like a sentence. After working with so many people that adored him and wanted to jot down everything he said to notes, coming back home to an empty house just reminded him of how alone he really was even when flooded with attention from all the people except the few who's attebtion he could kill for. And now he was losing that too.

Vanessa stuffed her clothes in her bag, battling with the urge to cry and coming so close to losing. Leaving wasn't what she wanted to do but Barry needed to know he could lose her anytime. She loved him. She wasn't sure how and in what way, but she did love him a d their arrangement worked. They were perfect for each other. They worked well together, they found each other tolerable when they were not arguing, the few people that had seen them together thought they looked cute together and her parents loved her. When was he going to see that she was the solution to his problems?

If he had actually gotten engaged to her, it would basically be like the real life equation of waving a magic wand and fixing his issues. But no, Barry had to be so noble in the worst possible way. Fight for his voice to be heard and all that crap.

It had popped up as a thought. A random one, you know the ones you brain supplies when you are mad ,to destroy Bianca. Not just because she was somehow still running aspects of her life despite them not being in contact for years, But because she had made her miserable. All attempts to forget her and put her Bianca related trauma in behind her had gone to waste.

So whether the waitress was Bianca or she was on the exact other side of the world making some other people sick of her and of themselves, she was going to put an end to this. She'd won anyway, she was a star. whatever Bianca was doing in her life she wasn't famous. Not more than Nessa anyway.

Then after that was handled she'd try one more time with Barry, or latch onto some other celebrity . There would be others.