Exposure 001
Archival recording: Observation Division
Date: March 12, 2007
Time: 18:42
Playback initiating…
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He talks of perpetually spiraling inward, as though it actually influences him on a mental spectrum. It craves what he gives in response, to fill its void-like belly as though it were alive. That much is obvious from both accounts.
The more he reacts, the livelier it becomes. It urges, and he can't help but react anxiously. I am watching him through the mirror right now. He is hooked up properly while curled up in the corner, twitching like always. I would send in *garbled static* to ease him, but I'd prefer to see this episode play out for a little while longer. It's quite interesting. Just another thirty minutes should suffice for the day.
He hasn't lashed out at all yet today, to which security is truly grateful. I tried using the intercom earlier to congratulate him, but he didn't respond or even dignify my input. I even promised that his best friend would visit him today if he said thank you. Little brat. He's developing disdain, that much is obvious. But, hopefully, our routine keeps our safety secured as development progresses.
*static*
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Recovering transcript 162, Chamber 006… Please Stand By…
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Shh. No, seriously. I mean it.
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We've been talking forever. I don't have anything new to say.
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Yeah, I remember. He's gonna be here any minute, I can feel it. Then I'll be rid of you until tomorrow.
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I mean, he's nice. He makes me feel relieved and happy. He gives me the only rest I can ever get from everything. Hm?
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Oh, they lied about Tait. They always do. That's why I didn't say anything. I haven't seen him in so long… I wonder what they're putting him through.
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Okay, now you're just trying to get a rise outta me.
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I hate it when you talk like that about him.
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No, let's just talk about something else, please.
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You always ask me that. I've never seen one, so I couldn't tell you. How do you even know what a God is?
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Well, remember when I asked them last time? All they did was scribble on their yellow paper like they always do when I say something they like. Hm?
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I mean, what do you think one looks like?
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Look in the mirror? Why? I don't see anything besides us and the bed over there.
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I don't wanna stand up. You make my muscles ache. And my head.
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Ask me something else.
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Yeah, it scares me. You oughta know that by now. Why do you wanna talk about it?
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I mean, I want to live forever. It stuns me to even consider what would happen if I died.
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Because I'm afraid of losing the only thing that I know is me. You don't make it easy, they don't make it easy. But, I have a name. I have me. I know me. I am me. I know because you have to be inside of something. If not me, then who or what else am I? If I lose me…
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I am me. I couldn't ever imagine myself as anyone or anything else. So, am I scared? Yeah. Always. I know that better than you do.
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Because, they could take it away anytime they want. They rule my life. And you, you always make me feel bad. You always press my buttons, and I don't know why.
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Why not?
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I've tried puking. I've tried bleeding. I've tried everything to get you out of me, but nothing works. Trust me, I hate it as much as you do.
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Stop saying that. I am worth more than you. You're just *static*
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You're DEFINITELY not a God. That much I know by heart. By my heart.
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Stop saying that. I mean it.
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I don't like hurting myself. I don't wanna.
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If it fuels you so much, why haven't you got the strength to burst out of my back, like you always tell me you're gonna do?
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See, if I feel the pain, I know I'm still alive.
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What is living? You mean what is worth living for? I mean, I don't really know. I'd like to grow up, I think. I'm only seven, so like, I'd like to be a grown up and make other people do what I say for a change.
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You're awfully tame today, mister. Why is that?
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Well, sorry if I'm getting used to you by now. You're very predictable.
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No, please. It really would be nice if you gave me a break for once. Today has been okay, but most days you really get in my head and wriggle like a worm. It tickles sometimes, but they told me I shouldn't feel it ever. What did he say? No pain nerves in the brain or something?
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My head still hurts, yes, thanks for asking.
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All these questions.. yeah, no I hate them. All but him. He's like a father to me.
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You're a smart thing, why don't you talk to them more often and ask them all you wanna know? Wait, you have? I don't remember-
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But I've never-
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You-
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Of course I don't! I can't even remember not remembering! They talk to you, too? Where do I go then, when you guys plot against me?!
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Sub- what? I don't know what that word means. So like, what? We trade places?
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Don't say that! I don't want to imagine it! I actually can't! If that's what death is like, then I have every right to be scared of it! Wait, no. Huh?
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I mean, blacking out? Yeah, I've heard of that. But then, I uh, there would just be nothing. I'd be gone, and wouldn't even know it. That's scary. How? What do you mean 'how'?
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Of course I would! I, I mean, I guess not, but what if it hurts? My last memory would be of pain! I don't want that!
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I wouldn't remember it? No. I don't want to believe it. I don't want to believe there's just nothing when we die. You're doing this on purpose!
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Be quiet! I don't wanna hear it! Stop saying it over and over!
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Doing that never helped before, don't just say it so calmly like hurting myself is gonna make you go away! It never does, I remember that much!!
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Oh, oh, please! Where is he?! I can't stand you anymore! I need help! PLEASE!!!
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End transcript 162, resuming Observer playback…
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Without the will to cause self harm, and being terrified of the concept of death, patient Omega appears to be caught right where it wants him. We will allow another twenty minutes of exposure before we send him in, so it can reach its peak growth for the day. Truly, our genetic engineers know how to make a host with all the proper vulnerabilities for this project to accelerate at a modest pace. All he can do is sit there and take it.
*fast paced footsteps approach*
What in the hell do you think you're still doing to him? You're an hour too far into today's trial! Let me in there this instant!
Oh, you're here. Well, since patient Alpha is excelling at twice the predicted speed as patient Omega, I figured that we'd ensure an equal dose on both ends. Besides, it isn't like it's anything he's not already used to.
*scoffs* You know fully well that there is a significant difference between what they're being exposed to, 'doctor'. How you people can cast your humanity to the wayside so easily, I'll never-
You best be careful with what you say around here, friend. If He got wind of hints regarding insubordination, your competence and security would be put into question. We just do what we're told in this department, same as the Alpha boys. If you've got concerns, bring it up with the top, not me or my colleagues.
He trusts me more than any of you, that makes me indispensable. If I go, the project goes too. Good luck finding someone fresh he can actually talk to without heavy sedation.
Are you sure you've still got the guts to handle the work we do? I'll be honest, it sounds like you're getting attached, more so than what your quota recommends.
Let me in there. Now. You're taking unnecessary initiative by exposing him more than is required. Let him rest up so you can ensure tomorrow's trials go smoothly.
*sigh* Very well, doctor. Just remember, keep your personal issues out of my department.
*static*
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End recording.