How Much We Don't Know

Isaac walked back to the bus station. The walk itself was the total opposite of the one he had before with Mei. The streets had fewer cars, trash seemed to crawl out from the corners, and fewer shops were open sketchy ones. He was approached by several suspicious individuals who as far as he could tell, were offering something to take the pain away. He did not pay any attention to them. He eventually got back to the bus station and the waiting area had many people who looked like they just got off the night shift and wanted to sleep on the bus on their way home. Some kids pretended to be playing around them but he spotted one or two pickpocketing the people who were asleep. In any other situation he would have told the children off, but his mind at the time was preoccupied.

"Maybe… Maybe it's better this way. If I stuck around, I would just end up causing more pain for her." He thought to himself as he crossed his legs and tapped his finger on the side of his head trying to convince himself what he had done was the right thing to do. Isaac only noticed the bus arriving when the two business types beside him stood up synchronously. He sat closer to the front of the air-conditioned vehicle knowing he would be getting off at the first stop.

Isaac paid the man for two seats because he opted to place his bag on the other seat. If anyone had asked, he would have gladly given up the seat for someone but no one did. He looked back to the end of the bus and saw that most people were asleep and others were looking at him with concern. He remembered how he acted while waiting for the bus. His dead expression then turned into deep thinking that might have spooked the other passengers from sitting with him. Isaac embarrassingly sunk into his seat but was somewhat happy at the fact that he had more room to recline. He was aware of this behavior of his where he would get sucked into his world.

~~~

"Doctor Lawson. Paging Doctor Miranda Lawson. Please proceed to the receptionist desk for instructions." Announced from the two speakers at the corners of the entrance. Isaac had entered the hospital as rows of nurses and doctors walked hurriedly across the main floor between him and the receptionist desk. He managed to squeeze through the masses of people without getting thrown around as much.

"Evening Ms. Okumura, is she doing okay?" Isaac asked the nurse who was organizing files behind the receptionist's desk.

"Oh, she's been doing great today. I heard she finished all her meals and managed to walk around the room longer than usual. She called a few minutes ago and asked if you weren't gonna visit." The receptionist responded.

"Yeah, late shift at work. I should have called earlier but… Is she still awake?" Isaac stared down at his hand then looked back at Ms. Okumura.

"I think she is. Just checked on her a few minutes ago. If you go now you can probably still talk to her before lights out." Isaac nodded in response. He walked towards the hall where the elevators were opposite the waiting area. He was alone in the elevator which gave him enough time to think and talk to himself. This stressed him out greatly and focused instead on the elevator music playing. He eventually reached the 8th floor out of 30 floors where his mother's room was. Out of the elevator directly to the right, Isaac walked closer and saw that the light was still on. Before he could turn the doorknob, he heard someone speaking from inside.

"Yes, they called me earlier." the soft voice coming from the room said, talking with someone over the phone. "They told me he could lose his scholarship over this." Isaac could not make out who the person was talking to on the other end. "I just… I don't want to make things harder for him. We've all been through a lot and it's not going to get easier. Certainly not for him." Isaac held the doorknob tighter. "I appreciate all your help so far but we shouldn't let him know. At least for now." Finally, Isaac decided to knock on the door instead. After waiting a few seconds, he went in and greeted his mother with a short smile.

The sound of the heart monitor and the IV drip seemed too loud for Isaac who was tensed up as he entered the room. "Hey, Mom. Were you talking to someone?" He asked, his hands behind his back, one gripping the other tightly.

"Oh, just some old friends asking how I've been. They were wondering about you too, you know." She said, setting the phone down on the desk beside her and motioning Isaac to sit on the stool next to her bed.

"They see you working late shifts these days. Isaac, are you sure you're doing well? How about your paintings?" His mom takes his hand.

"Don't worry Mom, this isn't something I can't handle." He gives his mom the biggest smile he could make to assure her as best he can.

His mom looked for concern and pouted. She had Isaac when she was in her late teens, hence the behavior she had at times like this. Isaac wouldn't let up with his smile, so his mom eventually shook her head and gave up. "I've told you many times now, Isaac. You don't have to take care of me like this anymore." She squinted her eyes and smiled as she held Isaac's hand with both of hers.

"Mom, do you remember back in high school, every time I was sick you would come to my apartment and nurse me back to health?" Isaac looked down at their hands, his voice grew softer.

"I kept telling you I could handle it myself but you still insisted on staying until I was better. Right now, it's just the two of us Mom, so let me take care of you for a change." Isaac looked back up at her with a smile.

"Oh fine, you win. But remember, if it ends up interfering with your studies you have to stop." She let go of his hand and placed one hand on her hip and the other pointed at Isaac.

"That reminds me, how is Mei doing? It was often the two of you getting sick at the same time. Even though I always scolded you two for being such messy kids, I always liked the both of you together." Isaac stared at the large window across the bed.

"She's been doing well, Mom. You have nothing to worry about." She noticed the shifting in his eyes, the stutter in his voice. Before she could question him about Mei, he stood up and started cleaning up around the room. He fixed the ruffled paper over by the sitting area and organized her clothes and toiletries on the seat next to the bathroom.

"Isaac, I know when you're trying to avoid talking about something. It's about Mei, isn't it? Why don't you sit back here and we can talk about it?" Isaac continued to fold clothes that had been loosely organized.

"You haven't told her, have you?" Isaac stopped midway from folding her hoodie. He nodded in response but did not turn to look at her. She waved him to come over and sit on her bed. Isaac followed and preceded with his mom giving him a tight hug.

"Isaac, no one knows what will happen in the future. That's why now, we have to cherish the present. Before you think not telling her is the best idea, maybe consider her feelings first. You guys have been friends since you were kids, if anyone will understand it's her." She smiled sympathetically. Isaac was silent. He did not want his mother to see him in pain so he wept in silence. But she knew as she stroked his arm and embraced him further.