Chapter One

LIAM BENJAMIN

If there is a contest with the most cowardly man in the world, maybe I will get first place.

I am a coward, a frail one. Because of my cowardice, I chose to hurt the person I had valued for over four years. Because of my fear that we might feel differently for each other, I chose to see her walk away from me.

I implemented scenarios in my brain that maybe she didn't like me as much as I like her. I allowed myself to be a snob when actually I have deep feelings for her.

The worst event I was scared of happened, and I was the reason why this thoughts came true. I am the reason my illusions turn into reality.

Here I am now full of guilt because I just let myself be hurt the woman I secretly loved physically, and worst emotionally. And here I am now, just glancing at her beautiful smile. I was the reason for her smiles before, but other man stolen this responsibility in me. I should be that man, the reason for her smiles and laughter. But because of my stupidity...

Is it really like this? You will realize everything when it's too late? When the opportunity and time given to you to say the word, "I love you" is gone?

Is it really too late for us? Is this really the end? Is it really over? We haven't even started yet, but destiny ended everything right away. But who am I fooling? Why do I blame destiny? It is my fault. I am the reason why everything is fucked up. I was the one who break off the love story that hadn't even started.

If only I hadn't been a coward and had been brave like her in the beginning... I wish I had the courage to tell her what she really mean to me. I hope, I admit that I love her too--

"Liam?"

"Huh?"

"Are you okay?"

"Huh? Y-yes. I'm okay." You're a liar, Liam, you're fantastic at lying. Even if you're already crushed because of what you see now, are you still fine? You're a great liar.

"Really? Then why aren't you talking to us?" Not talking? I can't hear them talking.

Wendy is the one who's talking to me now, my girlfriend. Yes, my girlfriend. I know it's confusing, I just did a drama about the woman I love the most, but I am committed to another relationship? Don't worry, I'm puzzled too.

I am funny, isn't it?

We are here in the hospital at this moment, why are we here? Ah, we're visiting my best friend slash my dearest girl.

"Hey, Liam!" What is with this woman? Can't she see that I'm having a moment here? "Are you really fine? Why aren't you paying attention to me? I've been here talking to you but you're not listening."

"You're not saying anything." I don't really hear anything, maybe I just don't really hear her because I paying my attention on staring at the woman who's talking to the person who says he's more "deserving" to the woman I love.

"What do you mean nothing? I was asking if you would like to suggest something to do on Aerielle's upcoming birthday. And... why are you crying?"

Oh, of course. It's Erie's birthday next week, my love's birthday. But wait, am I crying? I caressed my cheek and... She is right.

Why am I crying? Am I really out of my mind?

"Yeah, Liam, I noticed you've been quiet there for the whole time. Are you alright? Why are you crying?" I lost myself again when I heard the voice of the woman I loved.

Finally, she talked to me. I thought she wouldn't notice me the whole moment of my stay here. How can I talk to her? This arrogant-pretentious boyfriend of her is guarding her all the time. Well, that's what everyone believes. This man is her lover.

"It's nothing... uh, it's just an allergy," I lied. Erie seemed believe my answer because the reaction on her angel face was a bit clear. It's a good thing she believed my alibi because I also didn't know what to say, and I have no idea why I am crying. I can't say that I'm already nuts.

Confusion was shown on Wendy's face. She knew that I was not allergic to anything or food. Especially Erie, she knew exactly that thing. She knows everything about me, she knows even the smell of my fart. But she can't remember any of this because of my stupidity.

"It's too cold here in your room, that's why..." I added to my reasoning. Huh, what a lame excuse, Liam.

The gentle smile flashed on Erie's lips, causing me to cry even more. God, I miss her smile so much. That strange smile of hers that I was the only one who capable of coming out.

"Is that so? Wendy asked you earlier what you could suggest. She said you're my best friend, so you know my other interests, is that true?" Yes, I'm your best friend Erie, but if I'm not stupid? I must be her other half now. I wish I was still with her until now and we were both still happy. What happened to her would not have happened if I hadn't been a coward. Those are the things I want to tell her, but suddenly, I am dumbfounded again and stunned by her beautiful face. I feel like my tears will burst, I couldn't embrace this heaviness and regrets on my heart.

"Maybe he ran out of gimmicks for your birthday, love, so he just cried." The man who had been holding Erie's hand interrupts.

Tss, why is he touching her like that? Like he owns the woman he has just stolen. He guarded Erie too much, what does he think, I would take Erie from him? I won't do that. It's not my habit to steal on someone like he did. And as if I can get close to Erie? He's always giving me a try-to-come-closer-I-will-break-your-arm look every time he caught my glances to Erie.

And why is he calling her "love"? Gross. He didn't even think about his endearment to Erie. Very common. It sucks.

Try harder to mock me, Martin. If it's just ideas for Erie's birthday, I have a lot to suggest. I know everything Erie wants. Compared to him, he only knows how to play basketball and is full of bragging. Even Erie's favorite color he doesn't know yet. Asshole.

"What can't I think of? I have countless ideas compared to you, brainless shit," I answered high headed, even though my tears and mucus can't stop from streaming.

Martin's face suddenly turn into stern because why not, he knew the truth. "If that's the case, what are you crying about?" he grinned.

I gritted my teeth. What does he care if I cry? Why is he asking? I know that this arrogant knows what I'm crying about. I know that the demon inside him is pleased to sees me crying and defeated because he won Erie's heart. This is what Martin wants. To see me collapsed, struggling, crushed... This is what he wants, to destroy me using my beloved girl.

"Why are you crying, Liam?" Wendy asked again, still frowning.

I don't know why the hell I am crying. I shouldn't be crying, especially in front of this person I hate most. I said to myself that I would not cry anymore, but my tears were so treacherous. This is really frustrating!

"I told you if you're feeling bad, we shouldn't come to visit here. She will understand it. Right, Aerielle?" She smiled and turned her gaze on Erie.

Erie glanced at me with astonishment, but it seemed her looks on me full of pity.

Why does she feel sorry for me? There is no reason to feel sorry about me. I deserve this pain that torturing my heart and ego. But does she really feel sorry for me? Or do I just give assumptions?

That look of Erie's didn't last long either. Her face became gentle and she smiled at me. Those glorious smile of hers... You just have to show that only for me. But I'm so stupid, I let others benefit that precious thing I always cared for. "Of course. There's no problem if you can't always visit me. Besides, I heard that the final exam will be on this week? You have to focus more on that."

I didn't even realize that finals is already coming. I no longer knew what was going on around me because I only focused my attention on Erie since the most unexpected thing happened.

"And you're always here, Liam. You even beat my boyfriend on visiting, hahaha," Erie continued.

I feel the throbbing pain in my heart. My heart can't accept she only calls me by my first name. I really miss her endearment for me. I miss those time when she calls me "my Benjamin".

"I'd rather watch on you than focus on my study." Yes, it's true. I would choose to take good care of her here in the hospital every day than focus on my academics. It's fine if I fail in my subjects. I don't care if I don't graduate this year, as long as I see her condition all the time... "I really should be taking care of you now, not him."

Erie suddenly stopped laughing. Why? Did I say something bad? And why Martin's face can't be painted all of a sudden?

There's nothing wrong if all I want is to see Erie. I'm her best friend, so there's no malice in that matter. He really affirmed the role as Erie's boyfriend, when actually he's just claiming it. What a pretentious piece of shit.

"W-what are you really supposed to take care of me and not him? Who are you referring to, Liam?" Erie asked full of astonishment. Did I say anything like that?

Wait, did I really say what I was thinking?

-AndyThoughts-