The Girl Who Lost Everything

I went to Gean's chair to give her the photos of Nilliam while our professor was still not present.

'Here are the photos. Just return my USB later.'

She isn't looking at me; rather, she is scribbling something in her notebook.

So I walked away, leaving the USB on her desk.

'I don't need that anymore,' Gean said.

I turned around and said, 'I don't need that either.'

'You're crazy,' she said.

I continued to walk away and sat down in my chair.

'What's wrong with you?' Gean, who had sat down beside me, continued.

'I don't have time for drama.' I replied.

'Do you think this is all a drama?'

'What's going on with you lately?' When I look into her eyes, I notice that she is serious about this.

'Why didn't you tell me about you and Nilliam?' She asked. 'How did you get so close so quickly?'

'There is no such thing as me and Nilliam,' I explained. 'All we do is talk,' I added.

'What I saw earlier was more,' she looked at me and her eyes somehow teary.

Stop it, Gean. I'm not sure I understand your point. You become enraged out of nowhere. This is stupid.

'What? You can't answer me because I'm right?'

'Stop being crazy, Gean, and don't ask me to explain what you saw earlier.'

'All right,' she said as she stood up, 'Do whatever you want.'

She then walked out of the classroom and into the hallway. Today, I'm not sure what Gean is saying. She's never been this way before. I'd known her for her bully persona, but I'd never seen her vulnerable side. Is she really into Nilliam and behaving like this?

Meanwhile, what should I do with Nilliam? What should I say later to him? Is it okay to call him that I'm a heartless b*tch? To be honest, I already know what I want to say to him; I just don't know how to say it. I just hope what I'm about to say later will not bother him.

~ ~ ~ ~

Gean never returned to our classes after our last class of the day. I didn't see her in the canteen or the library during the break period. Did she return home? I apologize if I offended you Gean; I'm just too numb to notice.

I make my way to the garden, where I need to meet with Nilliam and discuss something. It's 5 p.m., and the world is darkening; the garden is quiet and looks creepy. Nobody would want to come here at this time.

When I get inside the garden fence, I see Nilliam smoking his a$$ off on the bench waiting for me. He hadn't noticed me yet. From a distance, he appears innocent despite the fact that he is smoking a cigarette. That appears to be new to me, so I took my camera from my bag and began clicking. The first click... then the second... then the third...

When he noticed me photographing him, he asked, 'Are you a paparazzi?'

'If you think you're a celebrity, then yes,' I said as I slid my camera back into my bag.

'You'll be imprisoned for that,' he added.

I approached the bench and sat down next to him.

'That's fine; at the very least, I was able to photograph a celebrity smoking a cigarette alone in a creepy garden. That would be huge news.'

He bursts out laughing as I respond to what he said.

'You're too serious,' he chuckled again. He stood up and tossed his cigarette butt in the trash can.

'Am I? Because I was... joking.'

'Is that how you tell jokes?' he asks, then laughs again at me.

'Yep, and it appears to be effective.'

'Do you want to know what's funny? It's not your joke, but the way you say it is even funnier than the joke itself.' He's still laughing hysterically.

'Do you always feel this way when you're happy?' I inquired abruptly.

'No,' he said quickly before asking, 'Why?'

'Because you make it so simple,' I said as I looked up at the sky.

'Simple? What do you mean?'

'You make it so simple to be happy,' I remarked.

'So now we're serious, huh.' He stated.

He, too, raised his eyes to the sky.

'You know what, it's not easy to be happy,' Nilliam admits solemnly. 'But it helps when you're with the people you care about, whether they love you or not,' he adds.

'Do you feel the same way about your mother?'

'Always, even when I feel she doesn't love me.'

'So, how about you?' I asked. 'Who will love you?'

'It doesn't matter to me; I have myself.'

'Do you love yourself?'

'If we don't love ourselves, we'll lose everything.'

Is he talking about me? The girl who lost everything.

'How do you know you love yourself?' I turn around to face him.

'Hmm... I think that acknowledging our every emotion is a form of self-love.'

'What about the pain?'

'Yes, absolutely,' he replied, looking at me. 'The most important is pain,' he continues.

When I look at him while he's speaking, I can't help but notice how genuine he is to me. How does he manage to say things like that without hesitating? How could he reveal his true self to me when he has no idea who I am? How can he trust me? How can he express his feelings if I haven't told him about mine?

'So, if you're going to dump me now, I'm prepared to deal with the pain.' He continued to speak.

I cast a glance at him again. I'm at a loss for words right now. I just think it's a little early to be discussing this right now.

'Nilliam... I don't know, but I believe it's...' This is a situation that I despise. Really.

'Don't worry, Audri. Don't pressure yourself to say something just because you feel the need to respond. Answer me once you've decided on your answer,' he said, taking his gaze away from me.

Why am I feeling sorry for Nilliam? Despite the fact that I haven't said anything, he has a sad expression on his face. He has no idea what my response will be, so why is he already sad about it?

'I like you, Audri,' he said as he looked at me, adding, 'and I'd like to get to know you better.' I was expecting him to say these words.

'Why do you like me?' I asked him because I'm very curious as to why.

What does this person think of someone who has no feelings, no reactions, and is unconcerned about almost everything? I'm curious about his reasons. I've never met anyone who just approached me and began talking with no apparent reason. I've never met anyone who was eager to make friends with me simply because we were in the same boat.

'I don't have any reasons, Audria, I just like you,' he said.

'That's not true.' I stated.

'If I like you because I have good reasons, then I'm just fooling you.'

'I'm not sure what you're talking about.'

'For example, if I like you because you're funny, what happens when I no longer find you funny?

That wasn't what I expected from him. In some ways, I suppose that's reassuring. I had no idea I had met someone who was unconcerned about the consequences of his actions or who was excited about something that would not benefit him. Nilliam is truly unique. His family and friends, especially his mother, are fortunate to have him. I just hope that one day she realizes how much she has lost because she chose to ignore her son's love for her.

'I like you just for being yourself, Audri, and it doesn't matter if you don't like me back.'

'Honestly, I don't know what to say to you.'

'That's fine for now, but you'll change your mind. I will make sure that I receive an answer from you.' After that, he winked at me.

This is nice. He's not putting any pressure on me. This could be a good sign. This could be the beginning of something new to me. But, will I ever be able to feel that way again? I'm a wimp.

'Shall we go?' He approaches me and extends his hand.

I take his hand in mine and we begin to walk together.

We were on our way to the parking lot when I asked, 'Do you know Harry Styles?' I asked seriously.

'Yes,' he said, 'he's... cool.'

'I like him.' I stated abruptly.

'Ouch, number four.'

He's at it again with his trademark expression.

'I like Harry Styles, which means there's a chance I'll like someone else as well.'

'I'm hoping it'll be me.' He gave me a warm smile. 'Don't worry, I'll make you like me without putting any pressure on you.' He continued to speak.

He is one of the most dependable people I've ever met. That gave me a small smile in my heart.

'Don't get too far ahead of yourself, Nilliam. Gean has a crush on you.'

'Really?' He laughs uncontrollably.

'Yes,' I said. 'She'll make you fall in love with her.'

'Let's see how things go.' He's still smiling because of what I said.

The wind becomes slightly chillier as the night draws in deeper and deeper. I felt a warm sensation in my heart as I looked at him while walking. Is it due to the colder wind, or is it something else? I honestly don't know.

'Isn't it nice how well we've gotten along now?' He said, smiling at me.

We're still talking when my Dad appeared in front of us, I was completely taken aback. He's waiting for me right next to my car.

'Dad?' I muttered.

Nilliam has a puzzled expression on his face as he looks at me.

'Is this what you do every day?' His gaze was fixed on Nilliam as he asked me.

'What are you doing here?' I'm still shocked.

'I was just checking in on you.'

'Oh, that's really sweet. Thank you, dad but I don't need that.' I made my point in a sarcastic tone.

'Who is this?' Dad asked. He's talking about Nilliam.

'Good evening, sir,' Nilliam greeted.

'See you tomorrow,' I said as I locked my gaze on Nilliam. I want him to leave now.

My father stopped me as I was about to get into the car.

'Where are you going?' he inquired.

'Obviously, I'm going home.' I responded. 'Can't we talk later?'

'No, let's talk here,' he responded.

I wanted to get in the car, but my great father gripped my arm so tight.

'What are you doing?'

'Do'nt be rude to me, Audria.'

I noticed Nilliam is still standing and listening to us.

'Nilliam, go home!' I yelled at him.

'So, his name is Nilliam, huh?' 'Is he your boyfriend?' His grip on my arms is becoming tighter.

'You're not making any sense.' I said.

'Does he have a boyfriend?!' He yelled right in my face.

He grabbed my other arm and pressed so hard on them that they turned red. My father has a firm grip on me and a scowl on his face.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Nilliam appeared and intervened to prevent my father from hurting me.

'Stop it, sir! You're hurting her.' Nilliam took my father's hands in his and drew him back.

'Nilliam no. Go home!' As previously stated.

'He's hurting you.' He replied.

'Who are you to stand in my way? This is a family matter,' my father injected.

'But, sir, you don't have to hurt her.' Right now, Nilliam's expression is serious.

'Nilliam... Stop. I said go home.' I said to Nilliam forcefully.

'Stop seeing my daughter or else....' said my father to Nilliam.

'And if not, then what, sir?' I can see Nilliam groping his fist as he responded.

'Nilliam, please... go home.' I'm pleading with him.

Nilliam's gaze was fixed on mine. His anger fades as he looks at me, and he walks away from the scene.

'You're an embarrassment!' I said directly to my father's face. Then I jumped in my car and drove home.

My father's actions in front of Nilliam have enraged me. He's far too much for me. How did I end up having a father like him? I despise him to the core. I have always despised him.