Will be a pleasure, not a problem

Fortunately, Megan interrupted before I could go any further, and thank God, because my verbal filters had completely shut off and I was mere syllables away from spouting crazy shit all over the place. Hans looked so stunned I probably would have tried to tell him not to feel bad about it because no one really expects a Viking sex-god, bunny rapist, vampire hunter to spend a lot of time studying foreign languages, and Mr. Salvatore really should have checked for that during his onboarding interview.

But Megan hopped off my desk and interposed herself between Hans and me. Of course, Hans was tall enough to easily look past her, but movement catches the eye, and Megan was Megan. Between his height and her curves I wasn't sure if he was looking down at her or down her blouse. In either case, she made a good distraction. My irrational dislike of the man ratcheted up a couple notches, almost on par with my desire to crawl under my desk and hide.

"Abby translates the works we have licenses to," Megan explained for me. "It takes a lot of concentration and attention to detail, which is why we decided she should work in here and I would take the secretarial desk when Mr. Salvatore gave us this space."

Hans glanced my way, but apparently thought better of trying to start another conversation with me. He turned back to Megan, who was going to get a crick in her neck if she kept looking up at him like that. "I see," Hans said. "And what do you do?"

Megan beamed up at him. "Technically, I'm the department manager, but we've been doing this ever since it was our hobby in college, so really that's just for the paperwork. In our actual workflow, I scrub the scanned pages, select fonts, and transcribe the English translations onto the cleaned files." She took Hans by the arm and led him to the door. "Come on, if you'd like to get that chair and sit with me, I can take you through the process. Unless you'd rather sit on my desk?"

Hans let himself be led off. "Oh, no," he said with a chuckle. "I wouldn't want your coworkers to get the wrong idea."

"That would be terrible," Megan agreed easily. "Why, I'd have to take you as my paramour, then, just so it would be the right one."

Hans stumbled on his reply and Megan laughed. "Go find a chair," she said as she gently pushed him out the door. Hans wisely retreated. Megan watched him go and then when he turned a corner she turned back to me.

"Are you okay?" Megan asked -- and since knew me and my issues, she did it without humor or accusation. Just genuine concern.

I managed a tight, nervous nod. "I'll be fine," I said. "Thank you."

Megan smiled back at me, a little bit sad; a little bit wry, but taking me at my word. She was a social creature. I was not. And this wasn't the first time she'd seen me flub an introduction. Then she shook her head.

"Oh, Abby," Megan said with a grin, a real, heartfelt grin. She draped herself against the doorway. "Believe me," she said while making a show of fanning herself, "Taking that man off your hands will be a pleasure, not a problem."

I gave her a shaky laugh, and she gave me a wicked grin. Then Megan slipped out of my office, pulling the door closed behind her.

And I was glad. Because Megan is an amazing friend, and a social person, and I know she worries about me and my social anxiety, but I can't help it. And I don't want her to worry. But I have my issues, and I deal with them as well as I can, and.... Have you ever been in a situation where you were so nervous you just wanted to fall apart, but you had to keep yourself together as well as you could, but the effort and stress of it just made everything worse and worse and worse?

When Megan left I took a shuddering breath. When I let it out I slumped at my desk. I buried my face in my arms and...I didn't cry. And I didn't want to make any noise, even if no one should be able to hear me in the closed office, so I didn't sob, either. But when I was done I had to sniffle and scrub my eyes and my cheeks hurt and my breathing was a little ragged.

So I fished a tissue out of the box in my drawer and blew my nose. And I wiped my eyes with my sweater sleeve, and I took my mouse and opened the files for the manga I'd been translating.

I have issues, I know it. Introductions are hell. I'd do better next time. But for now I had work to do and someone else's fiction to lose myself in.

So I did.

When I ventured out for lunch Hans was blessedly absent. Megan was sitting at her desk, though, with her legs tucked up beside her. She'd spun her office chair around to face my door while she waited, and when I came out she put her book aside. "Ready?" she asked.

I nodded. Megan spun her chair back to face her desk and stood. She collected her purse and we walked out to her car together.

Megan and I always eat lunch together. Often this would mean sack lunches shared in my office with Megan sitting on my desk while we discussed whatever manga we'd been working on most recently. But just as often it meant going out to the burger joint down the street, and today was a burger day.

When we arrived the lunch crowd had already started to gather. So we got in line and I wondered if I should broach the subject of our evening plans while we waited.