CHAPTER FOUR

Draco woke up feeling more refreshed than he had in several weeks. He felt bliss waking up from a good night's rest without the goddamn nightmares. He had breakfast on his mind and sure enough Hermione too. He brushed that off as he got ready, thinking nothing of it. He told himself he would forget about it by the end of the day. That was a lie.

He spent all of his classes avoiding her. He would've just skipped if he could. It was torcher and he hated himself. He hated his brain for even thinking thoughts so vile. He tried to block out any thought of the sort. He even considered a spell to make him forget, but he didn't want to obliviate himself. He didn't know what that would make him forget. He wasn't too great with spells anyway. He was always keen on curses and hexes. Those didn't take as much thought, or as much talent. Charms made him like an idiot. He could never get them just right.

Evening rolled around and he made his way to the library for the second time that week. Sure enough, she was there. Who was he kidding, she was ALWAYS there. Studying away. As if she needed it. He decided he couldn't afford that kind of distraction today and sat at a table far away from her. A table close to the door. Convenient if he needed to make a quick getaway.

He managed to finish three assignments that night before burning out. He was impressed with himself. He was finding his focus again. Doing schoolwork was like a safe haven for him. He covered up his stress with a different kind. It was nearly midnight and he decided to called it a night. As he was collecting his belongings he caught her eye. Of course, he thought. Of course, she had to ruin his (barely) successful day of not thinking about her. He looked down at his books for only a second as she walked past. He couldn't help to look up as she left out the door. He focused on her backside. She wasn't wearing a robe today just a shirt and skirt. he looked her up and down. He stared for a little too long at the skin where her stockings ended and her skirt began. He was staring until she was well down the hallway. He caught the attention of some third-year Hufflepuff girls. He noticed the whispers. Great, just what he needed. Gossip.

He was quick with the sleeping spell as soon as he got to his bed. He didn't bother to change into pajamas. He was exhausted. His mind was exhausted. Sometimes he hoped he'd have a brain hemorrhage just to end the misery.

***

The next morning he woke up groggy although he had gotten over eight hours of sleep. He had found he knew his favorite spell. No dreams, just sleep.

He almost felt happy today which he hadn't felt since his second year when he made the quidditch team. Though that was more pride than joy.

He was excited to have a good day for once. he was embracing the serotonin he felt from finally catching up on sleep. It was Friday and he was looking forward to the weekend. He was going to use it to relax. Maybe study a bit but mostly take some time for himself.

Nothing could ruin this day. Not even the intrusive thoughts he got once in a while about that sassy brunette. His hopeful thoughts stopped too soon when Professor McGonagall stopped him in the hall on his way to potions. She asked him to come with her. He followed her into her office wondering what he could've possibly done to get himself into trouble. He couldn't think of one thing.

Her office was already preoccupied with another student sitting by her desk. It was Hermione. Of course it was. The person he has been trying to avoid always makes her way into his routine. What was she doing here?

McGonagall gestured him to sit down next to her.

"Professor Snape had told me about your struggles this year. I took it upon myself to get you a tutor." Hermione looked the least bit impressed as she sat there looking as if she had something better to do.

"You've hardly made a dent in your missing work and id simply blame myself for you getting expelled if I didn't intervene." She looked as if she cared about his well being which was something he hadn't seen before.

"As far as I know you have been going to the library after classes anyway so now you will just be accompanied by Miss Granger." Hermione gave a short smile in her direction then went back to her serious look.

McGonagall dismissed Hermione asking if Draco could stay to chat for a bit. He obeyed as if he had a choice.

"I understand the stress you must be under this year, Draco." Did she though? "I am more than confident that if you take the time to accept some assistance you will go above and beyond. You're very intelligent and have impressed me many times before. We just have to get you on the right path." She gave him a sweet smile. "I do not doubt in my mind that with a little hard work you will make a fine head boy next year.

He almost let out a chuckle. She had no clue what would happen between now and then. Not the slightest idea.

"I've expected great things from you since before you ever stepped foot at Hogwarts." She acted as if she knew him better than he did. Did she? He returned a forced smile letting her know that he had agreed. He left her office without saying another word.

That was just his luck. Being tutored by a mudblood made him feel even more like a dunce. He thought about what it would be like being head boy. He thought about having a normal life. Normal parents. That turned his potentially good day into a horrible one. He knew it was too good to be true.

He took his time walking to the library. Exhaling every intrusive thought he had about Hermione as he breathed. She would think he was a complete fool if she were to ever find out what he thought about her. She'd probably be mortified.

He walked up to the table she was sitting at. She was always sitting there. It was as if it were assigned to her. Books were spread out which overwhelmed him. Her expressions were dull but she looked willing.

"Where do you want to start?" He had no idea.

After a few moments, he mumbled something.

"I don't know. Potions." He had never talked so quietly. Why was he acting as if he had never talked to a girl before?

Her brown eyes pierced his. "Sorry what?" she asked. She didn't hear him.

He was already humiliated. He cleared his dry throat.

"Potions." He repeated more confidently. It was as if he lost all his charisma. It was so unlike him.

They chatted about the assignments for a while. She made some witty comments trying to keep his attention. It worked. He realized she was quite funny. Was she enjoying spending time with him? maybe she just enjoyed studying.

He quickly grew bored of the subject and decided to change the subject.

"How is it that you know everyone and I know next to nothing?" He regretted that comment. Feeling pity for himself. He hoped she wouldn't feel that too. He couldn't look weak in front of her.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Passion?" she said without looking up. The word made his heart flutter. Was she trying to make him feel stupid or was she just being honest?

"Passion?" He repeated raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah." She gave a sweet smile. She was kind of surprised that she was actually having a conversation with him without any insults. This had to be the most they had talked since they met.

She went on and on about the joys of learning and gaining knowledge. She spent a particularly long time explaining how much she loved books. Not only reading them but the way they felt and the way they smelled. He didn't hear a single word she said.

He started the conversation and wasn't even listening. He was too busy watching her lips as they formed words. He wanted to kiss her so bad. He had a new feeling he had never felt in his 16 years of living. It was overpowering and he felt himself zone out.

He rested his chin in his hands. He knew he looked bored and she stopped mid-sentence. She felt embarrassed about going on and on about something he really didn't even care about.

"I think that should be enough for today." She finally said in a stern tone. She gave him a couple of assignments before she decided to leave him alone for the night. To his surprise he actually did them. Every last one. It was like he was scared to disobey her. Not that she had much power over him. Not that she knew of anyway.

He supposed he better go back to his common room for the night. On his way out of the library, he decided to take a different route. he stumbled into the abandoned girl's bathroom. Not one thought from her mind wasn't about her and he knew that she wasn't thinking the same things. Those thoughts probably never crossed her mind.

He looked at himself in the mirror. He was losing a grip. Losing focus on what was really important. He only had a few months before he had to follow through with his task. The mere thought of it made him cringe. With all of his strength, he broke the mirror with his fist. Leaving shards of glass in his knuckles. He didn't flinch at the pain. He just walked away.