Beginning Of Love Life

"What was the reason?" when I noticed Ji Hoon is filled with emotions and unable to speak, I held his hands tightly and whispered "It's okay if you're not comfortable in talking about your past or anything, take your time. I don't want to force you"

He also tightly squeezed my hand as if he's showing that he will never ever leave me and won't let me leave either.

After a pause for sometime, he finally whispered in his husky voice "I love you"

I don't know how to reply so I just whispered "Thank you" though I regret saying this.

Ji Hoon stood up and stretched his arms in the air, then said "It's getting late you should go home"

"I think so too" I agreed.

When we both reached downstairs unnie asked with a broad smile "What did he give you?"

"It was nothing, give us some privacy" before I could reply, Ji Hoon chimed in.

I just giggled at this siblings bicker.

...

Even though I refused several times, but I couldn't stop Ji Hoon from walking off me to my home.

We are both silently walking from quite a long time as none of us have anything to say.

I decided to break this awkward silence so I uttered

"I..I"

"I.." Ji Hoon also said the same thing at the same time.

"Haha, you go first" I said softly

Ji Hoon finally smiled and said "Ha Na, it's not that, I am not comfortable with you in talking about anything, instead you give me comfort just by being with me. But the reason why I couldn't speak about me is that it's the first time that I was about to tell someone other than my noona all these things, I .. I just"

I understood what he was trying to express but he is unable to speak so I barged in "It's okay Ji Hoon, I don't want to force you, it is already tough for you to live with those memories. "

Then I whispered in a soft voice filled with emotions "Just be safe"

"What if I can't be safe?" he said glumly.

I am at this point in my life where I can't even imagine a life in which Ji Hoon is not there, I looked straight into his deep blue ocean eyes to say something but those sparkling eyes left me speechless, I cannot astray my eyes from his eyes, they are like magnet while mine eyes are like iron nails which is unable to be apart from his.

A car suddenly came from my backside and it was about to hit me so Ji Hoon hastily pulled me inwards. I am so close to him that I can hear his throbbing heart and probably he can hear mine too.

I looked into his deep blue ocean eyes, and realised, I was home. [1]

Now I know why my heart always ached while I was away from Ji Hoon during those three months, it was because, once you leave home you're in for a world of pain. So how could I ever be at ease when I was not at home, when I was not with Ji Hoon.

"Try..."

"Try for me" that's all I could say.

He smiled, a dubious smile trying to show that he can't assure me.

....

When I opened the door, I saw mum sitting on couch with several alcohol bottles with her, she looks inebriated.

"Mum is everything okay?" I asked as I took a seat across her.

"I really wanted to talk to you Ha Na"

I nodded to show that I am ready for it.

"Do you know how I met your dad?" she asked out of blue.

"No, I guess we've never talked about just you two, it was always me in between"

"Aah I see, so let's talk about the beginning of my love life " then she further continued "You know, first blow always calls the fight, once you strike fear in your opponent's heart then the whole game is yours. And same goes to love at first sight, once struck like that, you learn there's no way you could have protected yourself. You've lost the fight even before you've begun."

I kept listening to whatever she is saying, without making a single noise as she deserves all this time and peace.

"There are several vital spots in human body you can't train. One of them is your eyes. I know... this is such an unfair fight, one look can enslave you, and first impression can make or break the fight. When it comes to looks no one can protect or defend themselves. But that was not the case with your dad, it was with my first love that I had in high school."

I can't believe mum loved someone else other than my dad, now I am more curious about her love life.

"The first time I ever saw his face, I thought the sun rose in his eyes and the moon and stars were the gifts he gave. The first time I ever saw his face" her voice is not clear because she crying from inside.

Listening to her, I pictured my mom and that unknown guy, how they would have gazed at each other. And now I realise why she still have him in her memories because at one point of her life she was madly in love with him, she must have found each and every part of him attractive, from the way he moved his hand to a single strand of his hair. Everything attractive.

"I agree I had been struck dumb by the first blow but I was just a kid back then, I was naive."

She took a deep breath to let go of her emotions which were filled in her throat.

"But after a month of dating with him, exactly that happened what I feared the most. He was just using me, he was using me to make fun of me in front of his friends and obviously he was cheating too."

"That year was the most difficult phase of my life, I couldn't move on not from him but from the embarrassment that I felt when I was with him. I gave up on love and no longer believed in it. I gave up on pretty things too, it was not because I developed a sudden hatred for beauty but because I hated they could attack me when my guard was down"

"How cruel the beginning of my love life was ..." she murmured as she closed her eyes.

I don't know how to console her so I just held her hands tightly.

"But your dad healed all those harsh memories of mine, when I graduated from my high school and couldn't afford to attend an university, I started working in a part time job, where I met your dad. I was so incredulous about love that I thought I would never fall in love again but that young me didn't know about what love really is."

"What I had in high school was just an attraction not love but what I had with your dad was love... love for sure. And you won't believe but I hit on him first"

"Really?" I giggled.

"Uhm.." she nodded with a broad smile.

"When I got married to him, I thought we were gonna last forever but little did I know that nothing lasts forever. And your dad, the only love of my life left me so soon." she is unwilling to open her eyes, I know she's trying her best to hide her tears.

"Ha Na, I know what love is and the reason why I told you all this today is to ask you that what you have with Ji Hoon is the thing that I had in my high school or the thing called love that I had with your dad"

"If it is love then I won't separate you two because love is inseperable but if it is not the case then I won't let you hang around with him no matter what."

"Do you like .. no do you love him?" she put more emphasis on love.

...

[1] when Ha Na saw Ji Hoon for the first time, she said "I looked into his deep blue ocean eyes, as if I was lost in the middle of a sea, looking for a home."

now she's saying "I looked into his deep blue ocean eyes, and realised, I was home"