Chapter 7: Know and Trust

Someone she already knows and trusts.

It haunts her for the rest of the day. It bothers her so badly she binge cleans her apartment, bakes a loaf of bread, cooks four different meals to stash in her freezer for the following month, and then finds herself laying across her couch staring at the ceiling with her phone in her hand.

An Alpha she trusts. Yeah, right. The closest she has to that is Sean, and— no. Absolutely not. Not a chance. Not even if someone paid her.

She’s so distraught about the whole ordeal, she does the only other thing she can think of: she goes to get tacos with Josh.

It’s one of their usual habits, whenever one of them is having troubles. Or when they’re celebrating. Or when he’s been doing tech for other places, and they haven’t seen each other in forever.

“It’s not a big deal,” he says, waiting with her in line to place their orders. “Just text your usual Alpha.”

“I don’t have a usual Alpha,” Beth snaps. It’s a lie and Josh knows it.

He just rolls his eyes at her. “Okay, call whoever it is you currently smell like, and tell him you’d appreciate if he’d see you—on blockers, obviously— through your heat.”

Beth scowls. “Or I could not do that. Why can’t I just do it myself?” They step closer to the counter— Taco Bell is weirdly busy inside, tonight, considering it’s seven on a Wednesday in the middle of December. “I’ve done it before.” Not just during soft heats, either. Not a fond memory.

Josh’s eyes slide over to her. He’s an Omega, but he’s a man. She’s not sure he’s ever had an unsuppressed heat, himself. “That sounds… healthy.”

“Doesn’t it just?” Beth shakes her head. “Alphas can’t be trusted to stay on their blockers during heat. They’d rather go into rut, no matter the cost. It’s why I have an IUD.” It’s why she’s been on birth control since she presented. It’s why she hasn’t had a heat since…

Since Henry.

Even in her head, his name makes her shudder.

“Yeah, no,” Beth continues, once they’ve ordered their food and taken up a booth. “I’m just— I’m not gonna bother. I’ll drop my suppressants to half and see how things go, but no. I’m not having a heat.”

Josh narrows his eyes at her, but doesn’t press the matter. When he drops her off at her apartment building later, he just squeezes her hand and gives her his usual friendly smile, watching until she’s safely inside her building.

She sits on her couch until half past ten that night, trying to decide whether or not to text Sean about her suppressant changes. If she does, he might ask questions— things about her past that she can’t bring herself to think about, let alone tell someone. Sean’s a good guy, but he’s not her mate, and he’s not her therapist. He’s not even her boyfriend. He has no reason to want to know her tragic backstory, or whatever.

Then again, if she doesn’t, and he realizes she’s dropped her suppressants, he might get mad. Maybe he’ll think she’s trying to trap him or something. Lure him into mating her.

In the end, her fear of him hating her is what gets her to pull up his name in her messages.

[Beth: Hey things might get weird for a bit]

[Beth: my suppressants are changing. Doctors orders.]

She doesn’t expect to hear anything back, but then—

[Sean: Are you having a heat?]

She blows out a breath and tries to figure out the most diplomatic answer.

[Beth: I hope not. Heats are awful.]

[Sean: Don’t you have one a year?]

[Beth: god, no. I haven’t had a heat in nine years.]

[Sean: ah]

[Sean: do you want me to see you through if you have one?]

Beth blinks at her phone. This was… not where she thought the conversation was going. The thought of him seeing her through a heat triggers a series of images in her head, visions of bare skin and mixed scents, and—

She blinks again, wondering just when her body became so responsive to the idea of a heat with Sean. Worse, there’s a tiny, quiet part of her that not only likes it, but actually wants it.

The thought scares her worse than the idea of a heat.

[Beth: that’s very sweet of you, thanks, but I’m not gonna have a heat. I’m not exactly inclined to get mated anytime soon.]

[Sean: I wouldn’t mate you without your consent]

It’s very dangerous territory, Beth realizes. She could make this situation very sticky very fast.

[Beth: I mean hard heats are pretty intense, an Omega is likely to beg to be bitten.]

[Sean: yeah but that’s heat for you. If you don’t want it outside of heat, you don’t want it.]

[Sean: and I’m not planning to settle down yet.]

[Beth: fair enough. Neither am I.]

Several minutes pass before she gets a response, long enough that she finds herself dozing to the sound of Ghost Adventures on the TV. It doesn’t even occur to her that the matter isn’t settled.

[Sean: just keep me posted, okay?]

Beth blinks at the message, bleary eyed and confused, and then sends him a thumbs up emoji and falls asleep.