I figured out that Kiyoshi had a panic attack while in the crowd downstairs. It was sudden, out of place, but it had happened and he didn't know how to deal with it. He had never had a panic attack with hundreds of people around.
After I had managed to calm him down, he told me that since he didn't know what to do, he came looking for me. He said that if he hadn't found me, he didn't know what would've happened to him.
"I-I don't know how to calm myself down," he said, sitting in a corner of the room we had locked ourselves in while I sat beside him. He didn't seem to want to go back out there, and that was absolutely fine with me. "So I just… scream and wait for the voices to disappear."
It was the first time he had told me about himself, and though I already knew about the voices in his head, I still couldn't help but feel hurt. "Do they…" I hesitated, thinking my question over. "Do they ever hurt you?" He nodded and slowly lifted the sleeves of his shirt, revealing all of the scars on his arm. From what I could see in the dark, they led all the way up to his collarbones. I stared at them, my heart suddenly hurting.
"They manipulate me," he said with so much hate in his voice. "They make me do things and hurt myself, and just when I think they're finally gone, they—they come back." He closed his eyes tightly, "I just want them to go away."
Every word he spoke shattered me and I didn't understand why. If he's telling me all of this, I thought, am I finally… his friend?
"Don't cry," I said. His head fell onto my shoulder and I let him stay like that, hugging him once again.
"I can't—" Kiyoshi choked on his tears. "I can't stop crying." The tears came and came as he bit his lip to stop himself from screaming. I brought my thumb up to his face and wiped his tears; he kept his eyes closed.
"You don't have to hurt alone anymore," I said softly. His eyes opened and he stared at me. "You don't have to take all the pain alone anymore, Kiyoshi, because I'm here with you now. You can share your pain with me."
"Do you mean that?"
"Yes."
Even as we stared at each other, tears didn't stop falling from Kiyoshi's eyes. The longer he stared at me, the more I thought he could see my soul, all messed up and lonely. I didn't seem to notice his face moving closer to mine, and before I knew it, I could feel his lips on mine.
Ignoring the music that was blasting all throughout Akira's house, we sat there in the dark, lips connected as tears rolled down our faces like a neverending waterfall.
But even in this darkness, I could see his soul the way he had seen mine through my eyes, and its color was a deep blue.