hidden emotions

Three weeks had passed since May had saved Jiu that day on the bridge, and the two strangers had started to grow fond of each other's presence since then. It was almost as if they were friends—but Jiu would never admit it. He had promised himself not to put so much trust in someone and he planned to keep that promise until the very end.

It was oddly sunny for a Thursday in late March. Usually, Jiu wouldn't have bothered to even look up at the sky, but things had changed ever since that night with May.

He thought back to the way she had stared at the dark sky, eyes shining with tears, and he remembered how they slowly fell from her eyes, one by one.

It bothered him how much he was starting to care about the tiniest details since that night.

Jiu sighed and shook his head, hoping that he would stop thinking about it. He wasn't supposed to care—it wasn't like him. He pulled his hood over his head and stuffed his hands in his pockets, walking in his usual slouched position to wherever his feet would lead him.

He stopped at the cemetery.

It wasn't the place he wanted to end up, but he couldn't leave just like that. Despite his cold aura, he was still the same respectful boy he was when he was young. He pulled down his hood, revealing his recently-dyed blonde hair, even messier than the day before. He walked farther into the cemetery until he reached an isolated area where few grave stones were seen. He liked how it wasn't crowded there—that way, she was easier to find.

Jiu stopped in front of his mother's grave, staring down at it with teary eyes. Even after all these years, he was never quite able to get over her death and move on like the rest of their family had—and at this rate, he didn't think he ever would.

"Hi, mom," he spoke, sniffling. "It's been a while since I've visited you, hasn't it? Sorry for that." A small smile appeared on his face as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, blue box with a white ribbon tied on it. He held it in his hands, playing with the ribbon.

"You would always tell me to never give up," he said, his voice cracking. "You said that there's always something waiting for me on the other side."

"But, what if there's nothing waiting for me there?"

Ever since his mother's death, Jiu had never been the same person—which would've been understandable if you'd been in his position. His mother was a hero to him, someone he had admired greatly. To have a child's role model suddenly disappear from their life is like killing a part of them.

He closed his eyes, "What if I have no one waiting for me once I reach the end? What if I never had anyone to begin with?"

He held the box tightly in his hands, holding his tears back. He wasn't going to cry, even if it killed him. "I tried to kill myself, mom—did you know that? You were watching from Heaven, weren't you?" He sighed, "Do you think that if I had jumped off that bridge, I would've seen you again?"

Jiu was silent, as if waiting for his mother to answer from her grave. He stared at the words written on the stone, a small smile appearing on his lips. He looked at the blue box in his hands once again before setting it down in front of her tombstone. "Nevermind," he mumbled with a sad smile.

"Happy birthday, mom."

He turned around and started to walk away, finally letting his tears fall as he stepped farther away from the place his mother had been buried.

As he walked away with his head hanging low to prevent anyone from seeing his tears, he felt the urge to turn around and look at the stone on more time. But he forced himself to keep walking. For his own sake.

Jiu was a few steps away from the gates when something caught his eye. He wiped his eyes with his sleeves and stared at the girl who set flowers down on the tombstone she stood before. She didn't say anything, but stood silently in front of the stone. Then she turned to around, getting ready to leave the place. She made eye-contact with Jiu, her eyes full of shock and his full of sadness.

It was May.

+++

"Your brother died, didn't he?"

May nodded, her expression sad, pitiful. She knew that he would find out sooner or later, but she didn't intend for him to find out this way. "Yeah," she said, sniffling, "he did."

"Oh." Jiu felt bad for mentioning it, but May had never said he couldn't. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," she said, wiping the tears from her eyes. "It happened a while ago. It was just a matter of time before I told you anyway."

"You didn't have to say anything if you didn't want to." He turned his head to look at her, "I wouldn't have asked if you had said so."

She smiled, "Since when did you start caring?" she asked, amused. "You don't seem like the type."

"I've always cared. I just don't want to get hurt, so I hide my emotions." He sighed, "You're like that too, you know."

"I know," May said, her voice quiet, "and that's what I hate the most about myself. I just wish I didn't have to hide myself from everyone."

When she stopped talking, Jiu stared at her. Her hair was in her face, but she didn't care enough to move it away. "You don't have to hide yourself from me," he said quietly. May looked at him.

She smiled, "Only if you'll do the same." Jiu smiled back—a genuine smile, one that May hadn't seen before. But it was also a sad smile, a traumatized smile. She knew he was in pain and she wanted to comfort him, but she didn't know how.

She looked down, "My brother was killed by our father," she said, taking in a deep breath. "It was one of those days where he had gotten drunk late at night and decided to beat their kids senseless for whatever stupid reason."

Jiu could tell that she was angry by the way she was talking about her father—she wasn't over her brother's death. And he was right. She couldn't get over it, just like he couldn't get over his mother's.

"It used to be me," she said, "the one that would get beaten, but I only did it to protect him. He was still too young anyway." May paused, making sure she was okay before continuing. "But I failed to protect him from that monster." A tear rolled down her cheek and she wiped it harshly.

"He died three years ago today," she said. "And it was all my fault." More tears fell from her eyes, but May didn't bother to wipe them. She didn't care if she had broken her promise to her brother—it had been so long and she had never properly mourned for him. This was the only chance she got.

As Jiu watched the girl cry, he couldn't help but feel guilty. He had told her nothing about his past and she had just opened up about something so personal. He sighed again. "Today is my mom's birthday," he said in a quiet voice. "She died six years ago, and ever since then, I've been trying to kill myself just so that I get to see her again. But every time I try, someone's always there to stop me."

She listened quietly as Jiu continued. "I looked up to her," he said, "and I loved her more than anything in the world, so when she died, I felt as if a part of me had died. I hated God for taking her from me, the only person that had ever understood me, and I hated myself for not being there when she had died."

"I guess we're more similar than I thought," she said.

"Huh," Jiu said with a small smile. "I guess we are."