21

Player One didn't know what she did to deserve this...

Alright, she did, but she wasn't sure about this in particular!

"Why are we heading to town instead of just leaving the zombie I.D.?" She was stuck following Alchemist, who apparently couldn't decide if he wanted to explode zombies with some weird, powerful black light thing.

Or turn them into toads.

"Well, the things we get here come back to the real world, right?" He didn't even stop walking and talking to turn the zombies into toads!

She was beginning to wonder if she'd picked wrong in going with a strength and dexterity build.

"Yeah?" It was practically the first thing she'd learned as a gamer!

"Alright. Well. I noticed there's a big strip mall at the edge of town that had a sporting goods store, and there was a jeweler on the other end. I want to get some samples of precious metals. And I also want a hunting rifle." Was he saying what she thought he was saying?

"You're going to rob those stores?!"

"What? No." Oh, good. "I'm going to loot those stores. Huge difference."

"No! There's not a huge difference!"

"Alright. Let's work this out using our brains here." God, he was such an asshole! "Who am I hurting?"

"The store owner?" Obviously!

"You mean the zombie. The undead shambling thing that's trying to eat you." He did pause this time as he blew up a large group of zombies. Likely so he wouldn't get coated in the... Stuff.

"No, I mean the real store owner! In the real world!" She wasn't even getting anything for this. The zombies were too low a level to get experience from, and without being in a party with Alchemist she couldn't get the loot drops either.

"Where the things we take will still be in the same place as the copy we've taken? Because we're not going to go do this to the real stores, just the copy here." Alright, he was making sense... But she still didn't like it.

She wanted to think of it first!

"Alright. I guess. So why do you need a hunting rifle?" They broke through the treeline into town.

Player One saw a red skinned zombie, eating a corpse in the middle of the road. She pulled out her bat and ran at it, but it ran off before she could reach it.

"I don't need a hunting rifle. I want a hunting rifle. Key difference. I was planning on going boar hunting, maybe try to get some coyotes. I'll need a lot of meat in the near future." She could already see the place he'd been talking about, Legacy Firearms and Coins.

And, yes, a little place at the other end of the strip mall called Sandy's Silversmithing.

"Well we need to hurry. The red zombie that ran off is the boss spawn." She tried to open the door to the store, but it was locked. She was about to pull out her bat when Alchemist stepped around her. She couldn't see what he did, but the door opened with zero issues for him.

"Huh. What's the mechanic behind it?" The place was absolutely loaded with guns, ammunition, knives, swords, bows and arrows and old, antique looking coins.

A trio of zombies stood up from behind a few merchandise shelves, but dropped to the ground as toads a moment later.

"It's kind of frustrating. The red zombie is called a Cannibal, and it eats other zombies. After it gets enough, it turns into a Corpsulant. After that eats enough other zombies, it starts to mutate into this thing called the Zombie Giant. Which is about as big as a pickup truck." Alchemist stopped inventorying absolutely everything for a moment and handed her a bow. A weird looking one with wheels on the ends.

"You're a sneak attack build, right? Bow and arrow are usually considered stealth weapons, got any bonuses for those?" She grabbed it and stared for a moment, turning Observe on it.

--Weapon: Compound Bow--

--Description: An advanced form of one of mans most basic weapons. Utilizes pulleys and tension to accelerate projectiles at incredible speeds!--

--Projectile Bonus: 1.5--

--Range Bonus: 1.2--

--Sneak Attack Bonus: 2.2--

"Yeah. How did you know? Did you Observe it?" Those were actually some very solid bonuses, much better than her bat.

"Nah. Don't have that skill. Or Gamer's Mind or Body, either." That didn't sound right. She'd hit him with Observe in the past, but it had recently gained another level. Maybe this time she'd get more.

--Name: Alchemist--

--Title: Alpha-Tester--

--Description: LOCKED! For administrator use only!

--Stats:

-Level: 21

HP: 700

MP: 322

-STR: 15

-VIT: 35

-DEX: 6

-AGI: 15

-INT: 43

-WIS: 43

-LUK: 7

--Threat rating: NaN

"Huh, weird. Your stats are really low." She tried to do the math before giving up quickly. "And I can't see your skills or abilities at all."

"Wow. My feelings. They hurt." He stopped inventorying black plastic jugs for a moment when they could feel the earth shaking underfoot. "Zombie Giant?"

"Yeah. Probably trying to catch more zombies to evolve into a Zombie Titan. You need to hurry up." He was practically sweeping his hands through the glass cases with coins on display, all of them going into his inventory.

Rather than leaving, like he should have now that the store was empty, he headed into the backroom. Against her better judgement, Player One followed him.

They found another zombie stuck between a desk and a chair, but it joined its brethren on the main floor in becoming a toad.

"Seriously, what is with you and turning everything into toads?"

"Well," He put his hands on a large gun safe, one hand turning the dial while another was placed next to it. "I have two offensive options. Toad and Flare. I can't speak for you, but I don't want what's effectively a bundle of dynamite going off next to me in a small room."

She had to admit, that was a very good point.

With a click, the large safe opened. Inside were two rifles and a large, very large, wad of cash. Alchemist inventoried the two guns and then handed her half of the wad.

He didn't even bother to count it!

It was two-thousand, seven-hundred and fifty-two dollars.

"Think we have enough time to hit the jeweler or do we need to deal with the Titan?" She... Really didn't like how he said that.

"We should go deal with the Titan. I've never fought the next stage, and I have a really hard time with the Titan anyway. The only good part of these things is that it multiplies the experience of every zombie it's eaten before we kill it." The last time she'd done it, it involved trapping it in the quarry outside of Gotham and teaching herself how to use an excavator.

There weren't enough showers to get that mess off of her.

"Alright. Ladies first." He waved towards the front door as he spoke.

She didn't dignify him with a verbal response.

Finding the Zombie Titan was fairly easy. It stood head and shoulders above the nearest building, its limbs and torso disgustingly bloated and distended.

Watching something ripple inside its abdomen left her shuddering viscerally.

"Well, I suppose we should perform an Attack on Titan." Alchemist said from the space next to her. "How much HP does it have?"

"About twenty-thousand."

"Cool. How much damage did I do when I cast Flare on a normal zombie?" Player One turned to properly face him as the Titan was picking up and eating another lesser zombie.

"You don't know?" Alchemist shook his head no. "About sixteen hundred."

"Huh. Neat. I bet I can kill that in less than a minute then." This... This audacious asshole!

"It took me two hours to kill the last one!"

"Yeah, well, it sucks to suck. And I just got a quest for it. Neat." He raised his hand up and tapped a spot in the air, right where she knew a quest prompt would be.

She turned back to look at the Zombie Titan as she heard the first explosion happening.

No, she realized as she stared. Sixteen smaller explosions all at once, all across its body and limbs. Each one doing four-hundred hit points of damage.

The titan stumbled, listing into a building on its right as another salvo hit it.

Ten seconds in, almost halfway dead already!

She really did choose the wrong build!

It fell flat on its back as the third wave of black explosions surrounded it.

The fourth was barely necessary.

"Alright. Gonna be honest here. Kinda disappointed." Alchemist was lazily looking at his popups as he said that.

Like he hadn't just murdered a raid boss like it was a normal zombie!

"Yeah, that-" There was an explosive squelch, like something soft and wet was being folded and sucked through a straw.

She turned back around to look at the corpse of the Zombie Titan. She did not like what she saw.

One massive skeletal arm had torn its way free of its abdomen. The thin, bony hand settled on the ground in between the corpses legs before another ripped itself loose.

Four fresh arms eventually ripped their way free of the body, looking for all the world like some demented, undead skeleton spider. It was ghastly and gory, blood and other fluids dripping from the massive gash that used to be a stomach.

And it wasn't done.

As it rose back up, standing backwards on all of its hands, two more finally broke free of the bloody hole that had been the belly of the beast. They placed themselves on the sides, grabbing on to exposed ribs, and finally pulled free a fresh, bloody torso. Red, dripping muscles exposed without skin and empty, milky eyes locking on to her and Alchemist.

"So." Her companion started. "What's this one called?"

She hit it with Observe but didn't have a chance to speak before it was barreling down on them.

She felt Alchemist grab her arm and they -Shifted-, going from the street to the roof of a nearby church behind the thing. Her HP dropped to a bit above half before she felt his restorative magic top her back off.

"It's called a Zombie Hivelord. And it has eighty-thousand hit points."

"Huh." Alchemist pulled a nectarine out of his inventory and started eating it.

"That thing you did last time? I don't think it'll work." That had to have been expensive, there was no way he had the stamina to do it not just again, but another twelve times as well.

"Well, I mean, it probably would. But I think I've got a better idea this time." The hivelord locked its blind eyes on them and charged.

Alchemist teleported them again.

And it still sucked.

"And I bet I can still do it in less than a minute." She watched him accept the quest for his bold claim with wide eyes.

And then... Nothing.

"Are you-" The hivelord must've heard her voice, it jumped into the air and turned around with more agility than she'd been expecting. "-going to do anything?"

It was hard to measure steps when the thing had more arms than a demented spider, but it was almost upon them when it happened.

More specifically, when it turned into a toad and dropped to the ground.

"You-you're kidding, right?" She followed behind him as Alchemist picked the toad-lord up. "You seriously turned a raid boss into a toad?"

"Yes. Yes I did. His name is now Zombles. Zombles the toad!" He was holding the toad against his chest.

Did he even get experience for that?

"Please tell me you're not going to keep it?" There was insane, and then there was... There was... She didn't even have words for that!

"Absolutely! It's a surprise tool that'll help us later!" Watching him amble off to the jeweler, Player One couldn't help a soft, manic laugh.

Alchemist was absolutely, completely, inexcusably insane.

He had to be.