SWEET DREAM, SHIZUN (10)

There was only one day left.

That night, Mo Ran could barely sleep. He lay on the bed next to Chu Wanning and watched him closely. He saw the eyelashes fluttering gently, he heard the soft breathing sound that came from his nose and lips, and he saw Chu Wanning's body heaved slightly up and down. He smelled the cold haitang fragrance on the man. He wanted to forever carve Chu Wanning's image in his mind and the memories that they shared in this short period in his skull. His Wanning was so precious, so lovely. Mo Ran's heart was burning with longing. Previously he thought that it was his perverted desire to torment his shizun, but he was wrong.

It was love. In the end, it was love. The person who he claimed to hate for two lifetimes turned out to be the real moonlight of his life.

His Chu Wanning.

Mo Ran took a strand of Chu Wanning's long, black hair into his hand and kissed it repeatedly.

-I love you.

-I love you, I love you.

-I love you so much...

-Wanning, we only have one day left with each other.

-I wish these seven days never ended.

-I don't care about the cultivation world.

-I want to stay in here with you forever. Spending eternity with you.

-If your memory stops at seven years old, I am willing to wait forever until you mature and accept me.

-Wanning...

Mo Ran fantasized a lot that night. He fantasized about Master Huaizui coming back and telling him that it was impossible to return Chu Wanning's full memory. Or that he needed a little more time to do so and that Mo Ran needed to take care of Chu Wanning a little longer.

Tears dropped silently from Mo Ran's eyes.

Anything. Anything so that the days did not end. Anything to have a Wanning who did not despise him, who did not know anything about Taxian-Jun. If only they could start off on a blank slate. If only Chu Wanning did not retain the memories of their first life. Mo Ran was willing to shed his blood and cut his flesh just to make Chu Wanning happy, but would the man accept him? Would the man even want to give him another glance?

"Promise me that you will never again lay a hand on me without my consent."

That was what he said.

Chu Wanning despised him. He would never let Mo Ran get close to him, ever again. Also, Mo Ran lied to him about Xue Meng's suicide attempt. Chu Wanning might just kill him in a fit of rage once he woke up. Ironically, that might be even better. Because Mo Ran did not know how to go on if Chu Wanning continued hating him.

Mo Ran started to sob against the pillow.

He could not live without Chu Wanning.

How could he?

Heaven was merciless. Why grant him seven days of heaven just to replace them with eternal scorn from Chu Wanning? Why allow him to realize his feelings for Chu Wanning only to know that Chu Wanning would never look back at him with similar affection in his eyes?

"...Mo Ran...?"

Mo Ran hurriedly wiped the tears away from his face. It was dark at night, but the moonlight from the window fell right on top of Mo Ran's face, illuminating his distraught expression.

Chu Wanning stared at him drowsily. He blinked a few times and then reached out to wipe at the wetness that still clung to Mo Ran's lashes.

"Why are you crying?"

Mo Ran shook his head. "I am not, I..."

Chu Wanning frowned. "Why are you lying to me?"

"B...Because..."

Mo Ran did not know what to say. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, but no explanation came out of his throat. In the end, Chu Wanning decided that he should not force Mo Ran to say anything. He merely pulled the big man on the bed closer to him and pressed his face against his own chest.

Ba-dump.

Blood crept up Mo Ran's face and colored his tanned face slightly darker. He buried his face into Chu Wanning's warm chest and inhaled his scent. His two arms circled around Chu Wanning's thin waist easily. Six days of nourishment were not enough to add more weight to his body. The man in his arms was still so thin. If Mo Ran exerted more force, he might end up snapping his shizun's backbone into two. But his heart... His heart was beating strong and steady. Chu Wanning was alive. Anything was fine as long as his shizun was still alive.

Chu Wanning patted Mo Ran's head softly.

"There, there. If you don't want to say it, you don't have to say it."

"..."

Between him and Chu Wanning, who was the one with only seven years of memories? Why was it that Chu Wanning ended up comforting him? A part of Mo Ran scolded him, telling him to man up and pick up the broken shards of his pride from the floor. The biggest part of Mo Ran was still selfish, telling him that if he could be close to Chu Wanning this way, then what was the use of being strong and proud?

"I have a nightmare," he spoke in a low voice.

"Oh... what nightmare?" Chu Wanning asked gently, still running his fingers down Mo Ran's scalp.

"I dreamed that you hated me."

Mo Ran glanced up and looked into Chu Wanning's eyes.

"Wanning, will you ever hate me?"

Chu Wanning blinked at Mo Ran. "No," he said. "Never."

Mo Ran knew that the seven-year-old Chu Wanning's answer held no weight, but he was a desperate man. "Really? You will never hate me?"

You will not hold my sins against me, will you?

"Never," Chu Wanning firmly answered.

Mo Ran sighed. He took Chu Wanning's hand and kissed it from the palm down to the wrist. "Wanning is so good to me," he whispered. "Will you ever love me?"

Mo Ran was greedy. He knew it, but he could not resist asking.

Love was a foreign concept for children. Mo Ran would not be surprised at all if Chu Wanning said that he loved Mo Ran. Just like he loved the pastries, the pancakes, the grilled fish, and all the food that Mo Ran brought and cooked for him. To Mo Ran's dismay, Chu Wanning did not even give him the superficial answer. There was even a little frown between Chu Wanning's brows.

Did Chu Wanning not love him? Although Mo Ran was willing to stoop down to the food level just to be loved by Chu Wanning?

"What about like?" Mo Ran asked desperately. "Will you ever like me?"

"Love" might be a heavy word. "Like" was not heavy. Chu Wanning liked white clothes. He liked haitang-scented soap bars. Would he like Mo Ran at least?

And yet Chu Wanning was unable to answer. He pressed his lips together instead. Mo Ran could hear his own heart breaking into thousand pieces.

Chu Wanning did not love him. Chu Wanning also did not like him.

And it was not the adult Chu Wanning. It was the seven-year-old Chu Wanning!

Granted, he hurt Chu Wanning so many times in two lifetimes. How could he hope to win Chu Wanning's heart after mere six days? It was not like Chu Wanning did not suffer at all. Mo Ran caused him to fall, made him cry... Mo Ran really wanted to whip himself with Tianwen. Or Wanning. He was so busy with self-deprecating thoughts that he almost did not hear Chu Wanning's words.

"I think..."

Mo Ran's head snapped up. "Yes, Shi... I mean, Wanning?"

Chu Wanning patted Mo Ran's cheek fondly. "If the adult me agreed to marry you, then he must love you."

"..."

Well... it was not a good idea to tell little Chu Wanning that Taxian-Jun had forced the adult Chu Wanning into marrying him. He was pretty sure that there was no love in Chu Wanning's heart when the evil husband pinned him down on the red-and-golden bridal bed and raped him again and again for the entire night.

Mo Ran's face paled. Chu Wanning stared at him. His mind was very young, but he sensed that the relationship between him and Mo Ran was rather complicated.

"It's okay," he said in a calming tone as he continued stroking Mo Ran's cheek. "Even if I did not love you, I do love you now."

Chu Wanning's words were like a cleansing rain that poured down the fiery hell of eternal torment, instantly extinguishing the turmoils inside Mo Ran's heart.

"You do?" Mo Ran asked excitedly. "You really do?"

Chu Wanning broke into a smile at the sight of the excited man. "Yes, I love you. You make me very happy. I only need you and Shizun by my side, then it is already good life."

Him and Huaizui. Mo Ran decided to ignore Master Huaizui completely. He pinned Chu Wanning on the bed and started raining little kisses on his face again. Chu Wanning giggled. "It tickles."

Mo Ran then started tickling Chu Wanning for real. The man beneath him laughed and tossed around, trying to escape Mo Ran to no avail. In the end, he still had to submit to Mo Ran, letting himself be wrapped by the man from behind as Mo Ran kissed the back of his head lovingly.

It was only shortly before dawn. Chu Wanning yawned and closed his eyes. Mo Ran patted Chu Wanning's arms. "Sleep, my Wanning..."

He himself fell asleep not long after.

Mo Ran and Chu Wanning slept in that morning. Mo Ran was the first to rise, and that was because he felt something, or someone intruding into his barrier.

Mo Ran's eyes widened from shock.

Master Huaizui had returned.

Mo Ran jumped from the bed instantly, immense guilt filled his heart. Whatever Master Huaizui meant when he told Mo Ran to take care of Chu Wanning, he surely did not mean for Mo Ran to pretend to be Chu Wanning's husband and touch him so freely. Or sleep on the same bed with Chu Wanning. Or snuggling up close to him in such an intimate manner, unbefitting the sacred relationship between a shizun and a disciple.

Mo Ran's face turned ashen. He conscientiously started to tidy up the side of the bed where he just lay seconds ago.

"Mo Ran, what are you doing?" Chu Wanning rubbed at his eyes.

Before Mo Ran could answer, the door to the bedroom opened with a creaking sound. Chu Wanning tilted his head and gazed at the person who just entered. His face lit up in a childish glow.

"SHIZUN!"

Mo Ran felt a pang of jealousy when he saw Chu Wanning jump out of the bed and run to hug Master Huaizui. The latter hugged him back and patted Chu Wanning's head fondly with a smile. "A-Ning, how are you doing? Is everything alright while I was gone?"

Chu Wanning nodded vigorously. "Un! Mo Ran bought me a lot of delicious food. And and he is also good at cooking! Shizun, you have to taste the grilled fish and crab meatball soup! And and we also made wonton soup!"

Master Huaizui laughed. He caressed Chu Wanning's cheek. "Good. It is good as long as A-Ning is having fun."

"Shizun, can we please go out today?" Chu Wanning begged. "I really want to take a walk."

A gentle sigh escaped Master Huaizui's lips. The elder monk shook his head resolutely. "No. A-Ning, you have not recovered. We have to resume the treatment now. After you recover, we can go anywhere you want, alright?"

Chu Wanning hung his head in disappointment. Master Huaizui led his disciple back to bed. Chu Wanning climbed into the bed obediently and asked, "Shizun, is my cultivation going to come back?"

"Yes."

"And my memories too?"

"Yes."

"That's great! How long will it take? A day?"

"..."

"A week?"

"... No."

"A... month? That is so long..."

Master Huaizui replied solemnly, "A full year."

"A year???" both Chu Wanning and Mo Ran shouted in unison.

"A year," Master Huaizui confirmed. "Remember that I said it would require Chu Wanning five years at least before he fully recovers."

Chu Wanning was baffled. "Five years? Have I been in treatment for four years?"

Master Huaizui nodded. "Yes."

Chu Wanning slumped in his seat in disbelief. "Did I get hurt that badly?"

Master Huaizui and Mo Ran exchanged brief glances at each other before quickly turning to look at Chu Wanning. Of course Mo Ran did not tell Chu Wanning that he did not only get hurt badly but he also died in the process.

"But... but one year is too long. I will be lonely..."

The elder monk sat at the bedside and patted Chu Wanning's hand. "Don't worry. A-Ning, you will be sleeping. You will not remember anything."

A slight frown appeared on Chu Wanning's forehead. "I won't remember...?"

"You will forget everything that happened during these seven days. Your memory will resume from the time it stopped before you woke up seven days ago."

Chu Wanning did not respond. His eyes were empty as he gazed at Master Huaizui.

"You are confused. It is alright. Shizun promises you that after you wake up, you won't feel any different. Now, A-Ning, we have to proceed with the treatment. Lie down, please."

Chu Wanning barely gave any reaction. He clumsily lay on his back and stared at Master Huaizui. Mo Ran stood to the side, keeping his distance from the bed. He would love to run away. He did not want to see this. But if he ran away, then Chu Wanning would definitely be sad. Although the memory of the seven days would be erased anyway, Mo Ran did not want the last impression that Chu Wanning had about him to be anything less than immaculate.

It was going to be over in just a minute.

Mo Ran fought back the tears that built in his eyes.

-Don't cry.

-Don't you dare cry.

He didn't cry, but Chu Wanning did. Master Huaizui was in the middle of chanting a sleeping spell. His hand was just inches away from Chu Wanning's face before the latter started crying.

"Shizun, I don't want to forget..." he whined. "Shizun, please don't erase me..."

Master Huaizui took his hand away and looked at Chu Wanning's crying face.

Mo Ran could not take it anymore. He rushed to the bed and pulled Chu Wanning into his arms.

"I don't want to forget," Chu Wanning repeated. "I want to remember these past days... I don't want to forget... Shizun, please don't make me forget..."

Master Huaizui sat straight at the bedside and sighed. "A-Ning, these past few days are not your real memory. In order for you to fully recover, I have to erase your current memory and replace it with the real one."

Chu Wanning started to sob louder.

"No... Shizun, I don't want... I don't want to get my memories back..."

Mo Ran hugged Chu Wanning tight and let him cry on his shoulder. "Um... Master Huaizui, can you please leave us alone for a while? I will talk to Wanning. I will try to make him understand."

-Wanning?

Master Huaizui's face darkened slightly but he did not voice his thought. He merely gathered himself and left.

After the door shut close, Chu Wanning looked at Mo Ran with a tear-streaked face. "Do you also want me to forget, Mo Ran?" he asked in an accusing tone. "Do you want me to disappear?"

"NO! Of course not!"

Mo Ran was no longer able to contain his tears. His grief. He could not express with words how much he wanted the little Chu Wanning to stay. He wanted to be with him always. He wanted them to meditate together in the morning, practice calligraphy at noon, and cook together at night. He wanted to travel the land with his beloved, tasting every delicious dish in the mortal realm, feeding his little shizun all kinds of delicacies. He wanted to fly with him on swords, practice using Wanning and Tianwen under the moonlight. There were so many, so many things that he wanted to do with Chu Wanning. How could he bear to let him go? How could he bear to let him forget all the sweet days that they shared? To let the adorable, cute little Wanning disappear?

"Then don't let me disappear," Little Chu Wanning begged. "Talk to Shizun. I don't want to go. I want to stay."

Mo Ran's tears could not stop flowing. He did not want little Chu Wanning to disappear, but he knew that it must happen so that the real Chu Wanning could be fully revived. Mo Ran was selfish enough in the Underworld to deceive his shizun. He cannot be selfish one more time and deny his shizun a complete resurrection just because he did not want to face his retribution.

"I cannot," Mo Ran answered, his own heart breaking with every single syllable. "Wanning, you need to recover."

Chu Wanning cried even louder. He pressed both hands against his face in sorrow, trying hard to prevent tears from flooding his face.

"Wanning... don't cry."

"No..."

"Wanning, listen to me."

"No..."

Mo Ran struggled to peel Chu Wanning's fingers one by one so that he could see his face again. Chu Wanning looked beyond pitiful. His eyes were swollen, his nose was red. Sadness was written all over his face. Mo Ran pulled Chu Wanning close and kissed the tears away from his face.

"You will forget but I will always remember," Mo Ran said. "I will always, always remember you. And I will be with you, always."

Chu Wanning blinked at him.

"Promise...?" he asked with a broken, hoarse voice.

"Yes, I promise. I will never leave you."

"And... will you remind me about these few days?"

"I will! I will tell you everything."

Mo Ran cupped Chu Wanning's face with both hands. "I swear, I will tell you everything. I will make you fall in love with me again."

Chu Wanning stared at him for the longest time without saying anything. Mo Ran held his breath, waiting for Chu Wanning to agree. Eventually, the tears stopped and Chu Wanning nodded almost imperceptibly.

Master Huaizui returned and found Chu Wanning lying on the bed. He still looked distraught, but he did not cry anymore. Mo Ran sat on a stool next to him, holding his hand and coaxing him softly.

The elder monk patted Chu Wanning's head. "Ready?"

Chu Wanning nodded reluctantly. "Shizun, is it going to hurt?"

"No, it will be like falling asleep. Just take the past days as nothing but a sweet dream, A-Ning."

"Mm..."

Master Huaizui started chanting again. Chu Wanning turned his head to look at Mo Ran. He seemed to want to say something, but he did not dare to in front of his shizun. Mo Ran squeezed his hand and whispered, "I will not break my promise. I will stay with you, always."

Chu Wanning drew a deep breath. He squeezed back at Mo Ran's hand and closed his eyes. Soft blue light emanated from Master Huaizui's hand and went into Chu Wanning's forehead. The soft crease between Chu Wanning's brows smoothed out. The distress on his face disappeared, replaced by endless tranquility. The hand that squeezed back at Mo Ran's hand slowly loosened.

Mo Ran's tears dropped like waterfall. Little Chu Wanning was gone.