HAVE YOU EVER LOVED ME, SHIZUN?

"Excuse me, Sect Leader Jiang."

Mo Ran yanked at Chu Wanning's arm and pushed his shizun behind him. Some people might think that this valiant disciple was very filial and protective of his shizun, but Jiang Xi knew better. It was a dog who was trying to keep his food away from others who might try to take it away.

"It is improper for the two of you to stay in one room," the youngest of four men decided.

Jiang Xi's lips were curled up in a mocking smile. He crossed his arms before his chest and eyed Mo Ran with a lot of interest. "Really? How so?"

Jiang Xi's shameless smirk infuriated Mo Ran even more, but he tried not to jump at the Guyue'ye Sect Leader's throat and wiped the smirk off his face.

"How is it improper considering the relationship between us?" Jiang Xi asked again.

"..."

Relationship?

Relationship???

What relationship???

Behind Mo Ran's back, Chu Wanning scowled at the Guyue'ye Sect Leader. Jiang Xi knew about the Hatred Flower in Mo Ran's heart, so why did he keep trying to provoke Mo Ran? It would do Mo Ran no good at all.

Seeing that Mo Ran was no different from an active volcano just moments before an eruption, Chu Wanning shoved his disciple aside and spoke in an annoyed tone, "We belong to the same generation, Sect Leader Jiang and I. And so is Sect Leader Xue. All of us are well-acquainted."

Mo Ran burst into a chuckle.

"Shizun, you must be kidding," he said, his eyes twinkling from mischief. "Look at you. You are so young and beautiful. Look at Jiang Xi, he's old."

And ugly, Mo Ran secretly said in his heart.

Jiang Xi was not at all ugly. He knew it, and the rest of the cultivation realm knew it. When lined up, Jiang Xi's endless admirers could make a line from Dai City to the entrance of Nangong Liu's residence. Mo Ran, this brat, was obviously spouting nonsense.

Xue Zhengyong cleared his throat and raised his eyebrow at Mo Ran, "Ran-er, am I that old?"

Mo Ran pursed his lips. Inadvertently, he had put his uncle in an awkward position.

"... No. Jiang Xi is."

Xue Zhengyong wanted his nephew to apologize to Jiang Xi, but Mo Ran remained adamant.

In the end, Chu Wanning stepped forward to end the ridiculous argument.

"Enough," Chu Wanning said, glaring at all three of them one by one. "Just go into one of the two rooms, all of you!"

Without wasting any more words, Mo Ran dragged Chu Wanning into the room that Xue Zhengyong had booked, leaving his uncle outside with Jiang Xi. Since the two old men were the same age and were well-acquainted with each other, they should just spend the night together.

After Mo Ran slammed the door shut, he pressed Chu Wanning against the wall and buried his face into the latter's shoulder. The younger man was full of indignation.

"Mo Ran!" Chu Wanning hissed. "Let go! What are you doing?"

He tried to push Mo Ran away, but his disciple's hands were as hard as iron clamps. Blowing warm breath against Chu Wanning's ear, Mo Ran whispered, "What is it between you and him?"

There was a dangerous glint in Mo Ran's eyes when he raised his eyes to look into Chu Wanning's. He looked like a beast who wanted to swallow Chu Wanning whole if the latter gave the wrong answer.

Obviously, there was nothing between him and Jiang Xi, but Chu Wanning refused to bow down to Mo Ran. In this life, how many more times was Mo Ran going to ask him the same question?

"It has nothing to do with you," Chu Wanning answered ruthlessly.

The elder almost regretted it when he saw the evident heartbreak in Mo Ran's eyes, but he knew that he had to continue. He had to end this issue before it escalated to a whole different level. He needed Mo Ran to get over it.

"In this life, you and I shall maintain a proper distance between a disciple and a shizun. There should not be anything more than that."

"Shizun..."

Mo Ran leaned closer and pressed his forehead against his shizun's.

He was so close that Chu Wanning could almost hear Mo Ran's racing heartbeat and sense the turmoil in his heart. Their lips were only millimeters apart. Chu Wanning could hear the lust in the younger man's voice and feel the scorching desire in his ragged breathing.

"Do you understand?" Chu Wanning softly said, trying his best to suppress his own emotions. "You are free to chase anyone, and I am free to accept anyone's affection."

No.

Mo Ran could not accept it.

He refused to accept it.

"But... I love you," Mo Ran said in a broken, hoarse voice. How many times had he confessed his feelings to his shizun? Why was it that Chu Wanning kept refusing him? Did he not at least deserve a chance to prove himself? He knew that he could make Chu Wanning happy. And Chu Wanning him. So why? Why?

"Why...?" he asked.

Chu Wanning pressed his lips together, only the minuscule movement of his eyelashes betrayed his heart. Unfortunately, Mo Ran was too distressed to notice it. He was too busy with his own thoughts.

Mo Ran might be dumb, but he was not that dumb. He knew the answer to his question.

It was as clear as the water in Chu Wanning's lotus pond back at Red Lotus Pavilion, but Mo Ran refused to accept it.

It was because he was Taxian-Jun, the Emperor of the Cultivation world who laid waste to the entire cultivation realm. He was the sinful man who destroyed one righteous sect after another, killed countless civilians, bathed the land with blood, and ground the bones of his opponents into powder.

He crushed his own shizun under his boots, humiliated him over and over again in the worst way possible, and even denied him a proper burial.

He was exactly what Xue Meng once called him. A fucking piece of trash.

How could he dare to ask for his shizun's heart?

How could he even compare to Jiang Xi, who had done nothing but help Chu Wanning?

Chu Wanning would be dumb to choose Mo Ran over Jiang Xi.

Chu Wanning gently pushed Mo Ran away. He raised his hand to pat Mo Ran's head, but his hand stopped in the air. In the past, this disciple was shorter than him so he would pat his head to comfort him and make him feel better. Now, Mo Ran was an adult man who was taller than him. He was even taller than in his past life. Chu Wanning's hand ended up landing on Mo Ran's shoulder instead.

Chu Wanning's touch used to bring Mo Ran to the seventh heaven, but now it felt like charity.

"You don't love me," Chu Wanning had to clarify to his disciple. "You never did. You are just confused by the Hatred Flower in your heart, that's all. Mo Ran, the day will come when you fall in love for real, and at that time I will be rooting for you."

If Chu Wanning had stabbed Mo Ran with a blade, it might have hurt even less.

A grown-up man such as Mo Ran was full of pride. He was also a Young Master of Sisheng Peak. An esteemed Grandmaster of his generation. So many men and women who sucked up to him for a little bit of his love and affection, and yet he was hopelessly in love with the only person he could not attain. His own master. His own shizun. Chu Wanning was like an immortal who resided at the peak of a snowy mountain, and Mo Ran was a homeless wanderer who yearned for the immortal's blessings.

"Shizun..."

Tears fell from Mo Ran's eyes.

I love you.

Wanning, I love you.

I really love you.

"It's not the flower," he said with a lot of effort.

"..."

Mo Ran's strength slowly seeped out of his body when he saw the look on Chu Wanning's face. Pity and indifference. It turned out that Chu Wanning never once took his confessions seriously. For Chu Wanning, Mo Ran was just a poor, sick disciple with a cursed flower lodged inside his heart, nothing more.

"I really do love you," he said one more time.

But if the first "I love you" did not move Chu Wanning's heart, what could the last one do?

Nothing.

Chu Wanning did not even want to answer him properly.

"It has been a long day," Chu Wanning ended the conversation. "Tomorrow, we have a lot of things to do. Go to sleep."

Chu Wanning turned around to march to one of the beds, but then he felt Mo Ran's arms around him, circling his waist and resting on top of his stomach. His disciple leaned his warm body against him from behind, his head pressed against Chu Wanning's neck.

"Shizun, please tell me the truth..."

Mo Ran's voice shook from grief.

"In these two lives... have you ever loved me as a man? Even once?"

-A year?

-A month?

-A week?

-A day?

-No, even one second would be fine.

-Please tell me that you have. Wanning, I don't ask for much. I just want you to love me in return. Even one second is good enough...

"..."

Had he?

Of course, he did.

Chu Wanning's love for Mo Ran started small, like a tiny seedling that slowly grew strong and mighty.

He was moved by the gentle boy who wanted to save the earthworms.

He was touched by the clumsy youth who embroidered a handkerchief with a haitang flower on it.

He was in love with the young man who brought him Pear Blossom Bai with the little money that he earned, hoping to drink it with his shizun together.

Chu Wanning's Adam's apple rolled up and down in despair. He curled his fingers up and then answered full of determination, "I never have."