Life in a nutshell.

The sun beats down on my body as I force myself to open my eyes sweat dripping down as I muster myself to stand. I head for the bathroom to empty the contents of what's left from the night before. My head is foggy and my eyes glazed as I walk down the hall barely making it to the toilet before I feel the bile in my throat. I continue to vomit for what feels like forever before a small laugh comes from the doorway. I look up to see a man I don't recognize, maybe I met him last night? I don't remember much of it. I think for a second and then pull from my thoughts as quickly as it comes the vomit comes faster.

"Lightweight" he laughs before walking in and tying up my hair. I flinch at his Sudden movements towards me

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out" he stumbles back careful of his next move

"It's okay" I muttered before turning back to the toilet.

He stands there for a while watching me as I continue to empty everything in the bathroom before leaving me as soon as I'm done, I scoff and wipe my mouth before standing and splashing cold water onto my face. I grab my toothbrush and brush my teeth just trying to get the hell out of here. I walk back down the hall towards 'my room' and swing the door open to start getting ready for the day.

"Rylee be quiet!" My roommate tosses in her bed

"We are going to be late," I say shifting our clothes in the closet

"Dude no I'm not going today," she says pulling the blanket back over her face

"You don't have a choice" I turn pulling the covers off of her.

Marissa isn't one for early mornings but a few more late days and she'll be expelled, I couldn't let that happen to my best friend.

"Get dressed. Down in 5 or I'm coming with ice water." I yell throwing clothes at her as she sits up. I grab my phone off the charger to check it seeing mostly drunken stories from last night. I go to the bathroom again to fix my hair and makeup and then down to eat what I could stomach. I look at the time one last time and roll my eyes as the newbie makes his way down the steps.

"You look tired" he smiled

"And you look like an ass" I scoffed and with a glare from the other side of the room, I could feel being burned into my body. I don't look I continue eating.

"Ryleeeeee" Noah whines as he walks down the steps

"Noahhhhh," I say clearing and washing my plate

"Why does it have to be so early?" He whines again

"Uh because school starts in 30 minutes?" I laughed it off. I knew it was a rhetorical question but it's funny to mess with him

"Marissa out of bed yet?"

With those words, Noah looked at me and just gave me a look. The look I know all too well. The look that says yeah right or you're funny.

"I told her five minutes," I say as I grab a cup of cold water and get some ice from the freezer.

"Be nice" My foster mom says as she tips back what I only imagine is her 3rd bottle of vodka this morning from how she's slurring her words almost passing out.

I slam the door open once again and a look of dread fills Marissa's face as she realizes she fucked up.

"Rylee no!" She yells jumping out of bed trying to run from it. She runs down the hall to another room and locks the door swiftly

"Two minutes. And make them quick ones!"

"Fine!" She yells through the door and with that I walk away.

"She's up now" Noah laughs

"You would be too. Need a pick me up?" I smile as the words leave his mouth.

"Coffee," we say in unison.

"Rylee after school. Here only, you are babysitting tonight" I hear the words of salvation

"Works for me. Thanks, John" I smiled as my foster dad walks into the house from the graveyard shift.

He always had a way of saving me from the nights to come and though he wasn't sure what always went down after dusk I found comfort in the fact that tonight I was to be home and not out babysitting his wife. But instead, the rest of the kids.

"Well, that sure was a fuck me look if I saw one" Noah laughs

"Yeah. Fuck you" I laughed it off. John always made comments but wouldn't dare to touch a minor, His graveyard shifts are at the police station.

"Finally," I yell seeing Marissa all dolled up in just a minute and a half

"Record time" I laugh as I push her out the door

"But coffee" she pouts and I pull out her thermos handing it to her giving her a half-smile

"Have I told you you are the best?" She smiles, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. 

"Only a million times. But I wouldn't mind hearing it again"

My best friend is my world. Everything I do, I do for her. Our parents died in a car accident almost together and despite not knowing each other at the time in our 11-year-old minds we quickly bonded over that fact when we met only a few years ago. When she moved in, I taught her the ropes. What to do what not to do. What we could get away with and what we couldn't. We always pushed our limits for a while but of course, you settle into the security that this is the best you get out of the foster system. A broken home with an addict for a parent and a foster dad that could care less about what happens as long as none of us get arrested. We are nothing but a pretty paycheck even if they have enough money as it is, I smile knowing I have friends in this twisted house even if we met in horrible situations.

"Rylee?" I hear a faint voice as I look across the street.

"Damn it" I turn my head to avoid the stare, if looks could kill I would be struck down right where I stand.

"Hey Rylee" a girl taps me on the shoulder with a pitiful smile upon her face.

"What Lacey?" I smile in hopes someone hits me with a fucking car on the sidewalk.

"I just wanted to say again how sorry I--" I cut her off. Before she can say another word, my anger takes over

"No, I don't want sympathy I don't want pity I don't want your support. People die. Stop making it more than what it is!" I yell pushing myself to walk away before she answers with some pity party comment. I push past people on the sidewalk, finding the small alleyway I hide in a lot nowadays. I've had a rough life; my real parents didn't want me apparently and I was put up for adoption. Technically they left me at the fire station, my adoptive parents died in a car accident when I was 10 and I was placed with my mother's sister, brother, uncle, and anyone else who would take me. I went into the foster system soon after my mom's brother took me in. He also died; of an overdose. Recently someone else died. I was close to them but God one look from someone telling me they are sorry and I'm going to lose my shit. I took a deep shaky breath before continuing my walk to school. Emerging from my little hiding place I turn the corner and run into a hard body.

"Shit I'm sorry" I muster before looking up

"It's okay, don't worry about it" the man laughs. He can't be more than a year older than I. Muscles that he is trying to hide stick out the hoodie he has on as the air grows hotter between us. His whiskey-colored eyes slowly take me in. All of me. His perfectly chiseled jaw flexes as he takes a deep swallow. A small part of a tattoo peeking out from under his shirt on his shoulder/collar bone. His voice husky and deep pulls me from the thoughts swirling around in my head.

"Hey, I'm new and kinda lost, care to help?" His tone was deeper than it was a second ago.

"Uh sure. Where do you need to go?" I ask hesitantly

"Bridgewood academy?" He laughs

"Ah, follow me" I roll my eyes before tugging on his hoodie

"Rylee doesn't look but there is a hot man following you like a puppy" Marissa squeals as we near the school

"Nice to know you think I'm hot" he chuckles

"Marissa" she starts turning around and I grab her arm making her walk again before they can shake hands.

"School now" I demanded and she obeyed rolling her eyes as she walked ahead

"So, Rylee huh?" He smirked

"Yeah," I say not meeting the gaze I can feel coming from him

"You seem distant," he said as I kept walking

"Yeah, usually that's what happens when you are still hungover from the night before" I stiffen thinking about the words that just escaped my mouth. For some reason, I just said that. What the fuck is wrong with me. Making me sound like a shallow girl who drinks all the time to hide the reality of real-life not that it's far from the truth.

"Yeah, I have the ultimate hangover cure though" he laughed

" I'm sorry but those don't work. I've tried every single one. I get up and throw everything up and I'm fine other than a slight headache throughout the day" I smirked thinking of this morning

"Okay well, where are we drinking?" He asked confused

"You are new. You could be an undercover cop or something" I laughed and met his gaze to see there was no humor in my joke. Noah would've laughed. Marissa too. Maybe even the new kid at our foster home. But for him, he felt different. I blurted out words before I thought about them. Sometimes I forget not everyone has the same dark humor as me.

"Hey, I didn't get your name?" I chuckled a little

"Grayson," he says looking down at the sidewalk.

"Well, Grayson. Welcome to Bridgwood academy" I said stopping in my tracks knowing I have a few minutes before I have to be in my homeroom.

"It's not as intimidating as it looks, come on I'll walk you to the office" I smile as I tug on his hoodie again forcing my body to walk back into this place knowing the events that unfolded here just a few months earlier.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I think as I walk closer and closer to the office doors. I've avoided this place for so long I forgot what it looks like on the inside. I always use the back or side doors since that night.

"Here" I smile as I motion for the office door

"You aren't coming in?" He shoots me a smile

"Sorry but I can't" I force a smile and walk away headed for my locked

"Spicy" Marissa says walking up beside me bobbing her shoulders up and down.

"No," I said slamming my head into my locker.

"Fuck" I yelled as I pulled my head back only to realize my hair was stuck in the locker beside mine.

"Marissa. Help" I whine

"Luka unlock your locker please," Marissa says laughing pointing out I got my hair stuck.

"Oh, shit my bad Rylee" Luka says quickly opening his locker

"It's my fault. Don't worry about it" I laugh it off and continue opening mine.

Lucas and Luka. Twins and somehow completely different. Luka is what I like to call the middle; Luka and I still hang out from time to time and he's still one of my best friends. He isn't so popular that the girls are swarming him but not so unnoticed that he doesn't have plans every weekend. He has dark cloudy blue eyes with a hint of brown in them making them twinkle more under the sun. His hair was a ragged dirty blonde cut clean on the sides with just a little to play with on top. He plays football so he's buff and has a sharp jawline like glass. He's nice and sweet and isn't as much of a player as his brother. Lucas is what I call the higher up. He's always with a girl or the guys. Always partying it up and playing football or basketball or baseball or anything he can to be the best. He flirts with every girl who will spread their legs for him. Despite being a good-looking guy, his personality is nothing. Piercing light blue eyes with blonde hair and the smile to match the perfect boy look, nice body that he posts way too much that I don't even bother to look at his posts on social media anymore. Lucas and I used to date but we were all super close before my parents died and a few years after, Lucas and I broke up last year and since then everything has changed.

"Rylee" a deep voice came up from behind me shaking my thoughts about the twins.

"Lucas, to what do I owe the pleasure" I girt my teeth. Not every experience is a good one.

"Rylee come on. You know you love me" I laugh seriously thinking he's joking. He looks so serious the smile he has melting off of his usually calm cool and collected face.

"What is it, Lucas?"

"I need you to be my date tonight"

"Your what?!"

"Come on. It's for a charity event. Please. I hate going to these things and you are so good at it. "

I think about it for a second as he pleads and begs me with a puckered lip out.

"I can't" I let out a sigh motioning to Jessica standing right across the hall from us. Waiting to see my next move. I smirk at how frustrated she gets when I'm near him. Lucas and I dated briefly a couple of years back. Stupid fun. Nothing serious and mostly just meaningless nothings. Jessica is his current girlfriend. But given how heartbroken his parents were after they found out we broke up was enough to never tell them he was dating someone they knew again. That and being grounded for some stupid fight we had.

"Oh her? She doesn't care. Do you babe?" He shrugs off my comment about not being able to.

"Oh no, I told him to ask you Rylee" she smirks as she walks over to us. Strutting with every step she takes making her hips move more than they need to.

"Listen Lucas I'm sorry but I really can't. I'm babysitting tonight" I smile hoping that would be enough to end this.

"Oh, did I say tonight? I meant tomorrow night" he smirks his light blue eyes piercing mine.

"I don't know Lucas. I have a lot going on" I manage to plaster the fakest smile on my face

"Noah, what is Rylee doing tomorrow?" He stopped Noah in his tracks as Noah turns around slowly looking between us. Noah may be my best friend but he would do anything for his teammate. Including throwing me under the bus sometimes.

"Nothing. Her name isn't on anything for tomorrow I checked this morning" Noah seethed

"Fuck" I mumble as a cold sweat runs down my body. I shoot a look at Noah. A look we have only ever shared one other time and it wasn't a pretty moment for either of us.

"See you are free. We will go shopping tomorrow after school and I'll pick you up at 6" he smiles and quickly takes a step away. Leaving Jessica and me alone where he once stood.

"Don't think about doing anything Rylee" she scoffed and shoved her shoulder into mine catching me off guard making me fall back.

"I got ya" I hear another voice. All too well I knew who it was as their arms wrapped around my body to hold me and I see the familiar tattoo on his arm.

"Luka" I smile as I turn around

"I'm saving you all day today huh?" He smirks a boyish smirk before shutting his locker again and going back to his conversation.

"Thanks" I mumble as I pull my stuff from my locker and make my way to class. Luckily it was Thursday and we had a half-day tomorrow since it was a parent-teacher day. 7 am and I still haven't even had a chance to touch my coffee. I bring it to my lips just as Talia bumps into my desk.

"Fuck" I sighed as I just barely save it in time.

"Sorry" she scoffed and finished walking between the desks. I'm not popular I have a few friends, some people just hate me, dislike me, or even despise me for whatever their reasoning is.

I finally get settled into my seat as the teacher begins to talk about something I already know. I place one headphone in my ear and hide the wire under my shirt and hair turning my music up so I can just barely hear her.

"Rylee" I hear the man behind me say

"Yeah?" I turn to see Grayson with a boyish smile on his face

"Oh, goddess" I whisper only to myself putting my head in my hands.

"Rylee pay attention" the teacher yells.

" I am" I laugh

"Oh yeah. What's the answer then?" She scoffed

"Square=circle"

gasps and laughs boom throughout the room.

"Come do the whole problem then" she scoffs.

I walk up to the chalkboard, looking at the problem in front of me, simplifying the problem before solving it, as well as another problem on the board, my mind races as I do the math quickly in my head, and my hand moves before my brain can even send the signals. It took me two minutes when it takes other people at least 10, believe me, I've watched everyone else in this class, when I'm done other people are still working, I've gotten A's on almost every test or quiz. When I was done, I stood back checking my work, I handed her the chalk and walked back to my seat.

"How did you?" She asked confused

"I have A's across the board that mommy and daddy's money don't pay for. I work for my shit unlike most of the entitled brats in this school, I also maintain a job and social life." And with that, I stood up and left the classroom daring to wander the empty halls took me right back to that night a few months ago.

"Why can't I be good enough?!" She sobs on the floor as I sit and watch, my mind going blank of everything I want to say to her.

"You are good enough" I watch as tears fill her eyes and the room clouds over in distant sobs as I hold her on the floor.

My best friend of one year, feeling worthless. Inferior, useless. All within five minutes and for what reason? Because someone made her feel this way. Someone told her she wasn't enough. Someone did things that you don't do to your loved ones.

"Megan, you are the best you; you can be. I love that about you, funny smart brave. You dance like no one is watching and your smile always lights up whatever room you walk into. It's all going to be okay" I smile seeing her bright emerald eyes looking up at me with just a glimmer of hope.

"Go enjoy the party Rylee, I appreciate everything you do for me but for once, Live a little. Be your own fire and own the flame."

"I would rather sit with you all night than a party with everyone else in the damn school"

"I know Rylee, but at some point, you have to own your flame, you are a wonderful girl with a bright future, you struggle to see the bright side of things right now but eventually you will. Your blonde hair and dark blue eyes will get you far in life, but eventually, you won't be able to hide that wild side I see you in. So go back to the party and don't come back for me. I'm going home. Own the flame."

"I love you Rylee" I knew something about that didn't feel right, but I complied with Megan's request. Shortly after my life changed forever and I'd never been the girl I once was.

I knew something about that night never felt right. It didn't sit right to just leave her but I knew she would protest until I did. Megan and I may not have been friends very long but I struggle not to see her face all over these walls, etched into my memory as her life covers these halls. 'Own the flame' for months I tried to figure out what it meant like maybe it was a sign for me to be me, or to do more with my life. Or maybe she just needed to say something inspirational in her last moments with someone she knew cared about her.

"Rylee" A voice cut through my thoughts as I stared down the hall where it all began and ended way too soon.

"Oh, yeah?"

"Why aren't you in class"

It wasn't a question I wanted to answer yet I still hadn't looked back from the hall to even see who I was talking to answer the question.

"I just don't want to be" I finally look to see Amy watching my eyes dart back and forth across the corridor. Amy was an old friend but I slowly pushed her away, she reminded me too much of Megan. They had the same hair color, they used the same perfume and their eyes were the same color, some days it was hard to tell them apart.

"Rylee you can't beat yourself up over it every time. She is gone and while I know it hurts no matter what you did or could've done, she never wanted you to beat yourself up over it like you are now. She would want you to move on and be happy. I know it will never be the same again believe me I do, and my heart hurts just thinking about it but at some point, letting go is the only option" Amy said rubbing my back in what is supposed to be a comforting way.

"They never listened to her, or anyone else in this god damn school until it was too late. Fuck her parents wouldn't even listen to me when even I knew she was hurting. I can't believe I tried to do the right thing. Why? No one cares anyway. Life is a life and death thing. You can't run from it or hide from it and eventually, it takes you away anyways, leaving a trail of broken people in your path. But whatever. I'm skipping" I shrugged it off and headed for the door.

"Rylee" Grayson stopped me in my tracks realizing he heard everything I just said as he watched from down the hall.

"Grayson now isn't a good time," I smirk knowing he's not giving up that easily. He's the new kid and whether I would like to admit it or not I kind of am taking a liking to him even though every bone in my body is telling me to run.

"I know, but I just wanted to know if you maybe wanted to meet up tonight?" He smiles an innocent smile and I almost agree.

"I can't, I'm babysitting" I turned my heel for the door one last time.

"I'll come to you" I can feel his eyes on me as I open the door daring to run to my ally at the thought, everyone knows what happened but only a few people know where I am now and most of them I live with.

"Okay" I muster out before forcing my body to move out the door and letting it slam behind me. I walk through the parking lot reaching the equipment shed and slide behind it. Slamming my back against the wall sliding down forcing myself to hold in every emotion that's fighting its way to come out. Anger, sadness, anxiety. They come in waves side by side fighting to break through the surface. I let a few tears shed to block out the rest and quickly fix myself. When I finally stand my legs shakily, I walk right back into school and finish the rest of my classes. I try to focus on everything, anything, and nothing all at once disregarding the teachers as the day drags on. For lunch, I do what I always do sit in the library and crank my music while read, Whatever I feel like reading. The day comes and goes in a blur but also feels like forever I couldn't really focus on anything and don't remember anything after the first class.