First And Strongest Emotion Felt

I can't open my eyes. It's like… this is so weird, what happened last night? I went into my pod with everyone else and slept then as I sat in the dark… the short toy… asked me to tell a story… that weird thing in my stomach, the thing that took over my whole body…then, did I disappear?.. That short toy, that was me. I saw him, he was nothing like me now, but it was me. I was having trouble comprehending what was happening. I was gone, but now I am. What was that last night, I literally disappeared and now I'm here. I need to open my eyes now. What is this strange taste in my mouth, it's like my mouth is muddy. My eyes seem to be independent of me. I need to control them, I need to get everything under control again. Take a deep breath. Now open your eyes. I slowly opened my eyelids, as if small needles were pricking my eye. I'm still in my capsule. I quickly looked around, everyone was still asleep. I'm starting to feel that weird thing in my stomach again. I woke up early. No toy would wake up early here. Something strange was definitely going on. I closed my eyes again without anyone noticing, but what if I fell into that nothingness again. What was that thing? My whole body felt like it had just been created, but there was something strange about me that I had never felt before. It was as if something was preventing me from moving. I wanted to move my hands, but it was as if I had no strength left. I was feeling powerless and my body wanted to put that nothingness back on. And this feeling in my stomach. It was like a snake wrapped around my whole body. My hands and feet were frozen as if they were about to freeze. I was sure it had something to do with the thing in my stomach. I don't know how sure, but I am sure. I have to bring my body back to its original balance. I took a deep breath. I tried to collect my mind. Don't think about what happened yesterday. I took another deep breath. The thing in my stomach slowly started to recede. I moved my hands slowly. With my every move, my strength was regaining and my hands were regaining their former warmth. Another deep breath. How early did I wake up? I felt the thing in my stomach come back. No, I can't allow that right now. Another deep breath. Take control. Hour! Yes, I should check the clock. Every capsule room has a huge clock. The clock stays to the right of my capsule. I had to stick my head out a little and look at the clock without being noticed.All the toys were sleeping but I was wondering why I shouldn't be noticed. The more I thought I had been noticed, the more that snake in my stomach was starting to show itself. Well don't lose control. With very slow movements, I first turned to my left, waited for a while, and this time, with very slow movements, I extended my head forward. This location was good, thanks to the oval glass of my capsule, I could see the time when I lifted my head up. Again, moving very slowly, I lifted my head up. I was moving so slowly I don't know how long it took me to lift my head. I could finally see the clock. 07:59. We have one minute to wake up. Ok, that's great, I didn't wake up that early. Maybe this is just a special case today. Just one minute everything will be alright. Waking up a minute early doesn't indicate anything. Soon I will hear that music playing every day and everything will be back to normal. As before. I closed my eyes, ten seconds later, here is the music I was waiting to hear. I felt a coolness on my stomach this time, as if cold water had been poured into me. I sat up, as I do every day, and got out of my capsule. Other toys were also coming out of their capsules. There was still something strange about me, as if I had shrunk, I felt like it would open if two people grabbed me and pulled me towards them. What's going on with me feeling so shriveled up now? How hard is it to describe something you haven't tasted before? I stood up, even though the ground slipped from my feet for a second, I quickly recovered. Nobody noticed. I took a few careful steps at first, then regained my balance and returned to my normal steps. I came to my locker with a series of movements. I changed quickly. As if even one of them got ready earlier than me, everyone would understand everything. I tried not to make eye contact with anyone. I don't know why but I felt like I was all alone. There were maybe 200 toys in this room, but for the first time I was alone. I straightened myself up and took my steps outside the room. There are so many toys here. I had never noticed it before and for the first time I didn't like it. The inside of the room was very crowded inside the building. It was like everyone was walking towards me. The snake in my stomach was coming out again. I closed my eyes tightly and opened them again. It was getting more crowded every time I looked around, and that noise. I had never noticed before that there was so much noise. There was a lot of noise but I couldn't understand any of it. I couldn't select any sound. As soon as my breathing started to get heavy, I thought about the possibility of being noticed. While all this was going on in the corridor, I kept walking and saw a small door in front of me. My body, burning with the desire to be invisible, threw itself into it quickly. I released my breath. As if there was not enough air in my lungs, my feet lost their strength and I collapsed to the ground. My body was literally exploding in this dark room. I took some deep, quicker breaths. Don't lose control. I slowed them down to control my breathing."Take a deep breath" I said between my breaths trying to slow it down

"No one knows the truth if you don't tell them." Nobody had to know. This was a temporary problem and I was created to fix problems. I could. My breathing gradually settled. The weakness that had taken over my body in the morning had taken over my body again. I had to get up, but my body had completely taken control of me. I waited desperately to gather my strength. I don't know what was happening to me, but now I was like someone else. Everything was too much. Even the slightest whisper had a reaction in my body. What am I going to do, I said to myself. How am I supposed to act normal when I'm so weak when I can't even control my body? I felt a fist in the middle of my ribcage, a force gripping me like a knot. I couldn't breathe, so it wasn't like before, but my breath got stuck in my throat, I felt a pain in my nose and my vision blurred. I blinked to correct my vision, and for a second, water was pouring out of my eyes. I had a wet eye. I touched my left hand on the pavement and touched my left eye, and when I looked at my hand, there was really a drop of water in my hand. I brought my hand to my mouth to see if it was really water and tasted it. Is it salty? So I had both salt and water in me? I mean, of course they existed, but salty water was literally running out of my eyes and it was still flowing. This time, intermittent sobs were added to the water flowing from my eyes. It was running down my nose. Was my body exploding, my shoulders shaking and my eyes watering all the time I stood there, as if every drop made me feel lighter. My sobs turned to light sighs and I felt relieved. I was light as a feather. My mouth was soaking wet, but I was fine now. My strength was restored. Whatever had just happened had reset my body. I wiped my face with my hands. I waited for a while for the burning on my face to go away. My eyes were also starting to burn. I don't know how I looked, but I was sure it wasn't normal. I took another deep breath, as if my face was on fire and there was something stinging in my eyes. I tried to blow air on my face with my hands and lower the temperature of my face. I was feeling better after a few times. I slowly got up. This sudden destruction of my body hindered the things I needed to do, and I'm sure it wouldn't go unnoticed by the rulers. Today was the first day of my new job and I'm sure I was late. I put my hand on the door handle, let out a loud sigh and I was ready. I walked out of this dark room, trying to look pretty normal. What was this room doing here? I hadn't even noticed its existence before. I couldn't see inside because it was dark. Thinking! It's like the only problem is an unimportant room you didn't know existed before. I continued walking down the long corridor, avoiding looking around.Actually, all I wanted was to make sure they didn't see me. Until yesterday, I would do anything so that others would not notice me in this corridor, where I walked with my head held high and satisfied with the looks at me. I needed to figure out what happened to me as soon as possible. I couldn't even think of the possibility of experiencing the destruction next to other toys like before. That would be the real destruction. But on the one hand, I felt very light. I've never felt like this before. It was as if I was just noticing the toys around me. Maybe my brain couldn't handle this sudden awareness and my body had experienced this destruction. Thinking. When I left the building, it was the first time I felt the coldness of the air so much. This cold made the hairs on my skin rise for the first time. Seriously, my hair really stood up. I brought my left arm a little closer to my eyes and looked more carefully. This had never happened before, and the weather wasn't much different than usual. The thought of being noticed appeared again, and I quickly recovered myself. When I looked around, no one was paying attention to me, everyone was going somewhere. Actually, it was my first time looking at them. It was the first time I noticed this rush around me. For the first time in my life, I stopped walking so much. At that moment, I realized something new. I was always in a hurry. Go to class, go to eat, go to the library, go play chess, go talk to other toys, and be in my sleeping pod at bedtime at the end of the day. I was just doing my duties. As I looked around, I realized that I didn't know anyone. T-5 and T-6 maybe a few more toys but I didn't even know who was in my side pod. Thinking. I walked briskly towards the executive building. I wanted to reach the executive building a moment before making eye contact with anyone. While my eyes were walking fast on the ground, someone suddenly appeared in front of me.

"Hi buddy" was this T-6. When I saw him suddenly, that feeling in my stomach came back for a short time, but I quickly recovered. If you don't tell me everything is under my control, no one will understand. I cleared my throat to find my voice and

"I'm pretty good, how are you?" said. He was looking at me as if he saw something strange in my face. I felt that snake again.

"Did something happen to your eyes?" said. That feeling in my stomach spread even more. I answered without breaking my expression.

"I don't understand what happened?" said. I wasn't able to fool an athlete. I was now a manager, no one could understand anything unless I wanted to.

"I don't know, they look a little something, they're swollen." He said, taking a moment to find the right word. What was I going to say? Why do eyes swell? While I stood there with that feeling of not knowing what to say, he didn't dwell on it and changed the subject.

"Nevermind. Did you hear what happened last night?" said. I guess I don't need to talk about that feeling that spread from my stomach to my whole body anymore. My fingertips froze with what he said. I just said I was cold, now all my hairs were up and my body was starting to tremble, but I just stood there as if I was frozen in order not to show it to the toy in front of me.

"No, what happened?" I said, trying to control my voice. I felt so much that everything was so extreme that it was the first time I had such a hard time standing. He got a little closer to me and reduced the distance between us, as if he didn't want others to hear, but no one was paying attention to us anyway. Was it just me that was aware of that?

"They caught a rebel at the border last night." Said. The border was a place where red lights flashed atop 14 tall poles. We used to call it the border because it was the end of our lives and the system would see us through those lights. There were eight different frontiers, and the rebels did not come close. They would try to enter here by tunnels they dug underground, steal a few simple things and leave, but most of them were caught before they could steal.

"On which border?" I asked curiously. While keeping our distance

"On the south eastern border," he said. This was the border closest to us.

"Is that the one here?" said. He stepped back, widening our distance, and nodded yes.

"Can you believe he was caught at the border, he wanted to come back here, he said he wanted to be a toy again. What a pathetic rebel can never be a toy again. Who knows what kind of hole they were living in that we're lucky we weren't one of them who wanted to come back here." Said. I was lucky, but I'm still not sure if I am. I wanted to say that something inside me has changed, I wanted to tell him about it to someone, I wanted to share this burden with someone. I wanted to feel like before. I knew I had to pull myself together as I felt a pain in my nose.

Now was not the time to experience such devastation. I suddenly had an uncontrollable curiosity about that rebel. to T-6

"And what did they do after they caught it?" I asked. He was taken aback by my question because I wouldn't be interested in such details. Now why was a voice inside me that I didn't even know existed before was constantly asking questions. He thought a little and

"I don't know," he said.

"I guess they'll send it back to the rebels after keeping it in zatvor for a while, as they did to the other rebels." He continued. Zatvor was actually where the guardians and hunters lived. If a rebel was caught, he was kept there for a while and then sent back. We had only been there once for a lesson and it was definitely not a heartwarming place. Actually, I didn't feel anything about it then, but now that I think about it, I didn't like it at all. My silence must have seemed strange to the T-6.

"Are you sure you're okay?" said. There was a skeptical look on his face. It didn't matter, I said to myself, it wouldn't matter if I didn't want to.

I said, "Yes, I'm fine, I was just thinking about my first day in management."

"What were you thinking?" he said casually. If you only knew what was going through my mind.

"What am I going to do?" said. Although I looked quite normal on the outside, it was quite funny at that moment that he was unaware of the storms inside me. He just had to settle for what I said unless I showed him. For some reason, I wanted him to see what I didn't show, but the thought of it happening made the snake in my stomach move. Because I knew that no one would help me. I was alone.

"There's nothing to think about, that's what you've always done, you'll do whatever you learn, don't be so controlling. Our future is already clear." said."We all have a tomorrow already," I said, repeating it. T-6 was staring at me so straight in the face that it was as if he couldn't see me. I mean, they had facial expressions, but nothing about them. It's something I can't define. On an instinctive impulse

"T-6, I'm wondering, have you thought about anything?..." I couldn't continue. What was I doing anyway, what was I going to say? I was going to say, 'Dude, something is wrong here, something like I'm broken, does it happen to you too?' I'm sure I would have found myself in Zatvor as soon as I said that. No one will even wonder what happened to me, why, and they will send me to the rebels. Is it normal that there is still no reaction in the T-6?

"Never mind." said. There was no point in prolonging it. I was completely alone in this job.

"They won't know if you don't tell them." I said to myself, "If you don't tell them, they won't know."