Chapter 4: Cocoon Flashback About A Polar Opposite's Life

Ren PoV

Age of 9

"Dad.. hic.. hic.. Dad please don't leave us this early.. hic.. I.. I'm sorry to blame you that night.. hic, I know you have always loved us.. hic.."

"Ah wuwuwuwu... hic.. hic.. Honey... hone.. y.. hic ahh, you're too much.. hic too much! How can yo.. u ahhhh leave us while Ren is too young, awuwuw."

Infront of me was no longer my father who only smiled bitterly as I blamed him for what we lacked the night before. It was a cold corpse in a damn coffin.

I wasn't trying to blame him.. I, I just wanted to tell him everything I wanted, I also wanted to tell him what mom needed.

I told him it would be good if he had bought a washing machine, I wouldn't have to always feel a rougher texture whenever I held mom's once soft hands as days passed that she uses her hands washing our clothes made of cheap fabric, and because it was so cheap, she would wash them more thoroughly.

If it was dirty, more thoroughly, when it was torn she learned to sew thoughly, use her hands thoroughly, thoroughly, thoroughly, thoroughly. Her hands were pricked, scarred, and I hate that it was that, so ugly.

Her hands were rough, and we were poor, we can't possibly buy hand creams for her. I want her to take care of her hands, for it to look better, so she can also be proud of what I considered my warm treasure, her hands which were warm as always should have been a national treasure so why is it not properly taken care of?

I would also like it if she had the make up and dresses the people of the neighboring mansion had always shown off, she always looked at it so enviously but always turn her head away in reluctance.

Buy her kitchen tools too, she was struggling to chop things with a dulled one knife, if you may see, we even struggle buying cooking oil.. we can't really eat meat even rarely, we only eat them one time a year, eating three times a day, such was a wonderful dream.

The house she cleaned so tiringly was still filled with stench and dusts that always come back, why don't you buy her something like that, that, what do they call that, vacuum cleaner, won't that make her life much easier?

I would try to help her everytime I see her work hard at home, she was happy but she was never letting me roughen my hands as she did. She told me to go play around with the other kids.

Ah the kids..

I was jealous of them too, dad. They have toys, while I don't, their clothes was not so boring like me, as they change every day, while I wear the same a week, only at the next seventh day do I even wear another, when they get sick, they heal very fast you know, about three days they were fine, they then told me it's because they took medicine.

Medicine? We don't have that at home though, mom got sick back then, we didn't have that back then is that why she was stuck on bed for three weeks? We seem to lack a lot, it was then I realized and they realized that we were so different because we lack what they have.

They started to disdain me and sneer behind my back calling me a miser, maybe the only reason why they even let me play with them was because I know how to smile, something mother thought me as well, what about you dad, what did you thought me, to stay poor? I complained to you about that too.

I can't seem to get what I want when I stay just like that, so I learned by myself to rob. Stole from my 'friends'' house, the neighbor's house, ah, I even presented to mom the lipstick and that round make up she have always envied. But she shouted at me why I did it, and told me to never do it again.

She tried to return it back but then realized something, she looked at me with fright as she imagined her deed harming her own son more, so she destroyed all the things I stole and burned it to ashes, I asked her why not to sell it, she told me living your life by things you've stole wasn't righteous at all.

You came back exhausted from work that night but I immediately came to you and talked to you, I told you all those things, you were saying only one thing when I asked you.

Why didn't we have money?

Why we're we poor?

Why don't we give mom a good present?

Why can't we even afford medicine?

I want to eat three times a day so why is it only a wishful thinking?

We were both crying at that time, you kneeled on one knee and held my shoulder, looking at me straight in the eyes, mouthing at me so weakly.

"Sorry."

The next day, I woke up with puffy eyes, going down, I saw mom, crying and heaving heavily, as soon as she saw me, she hugged me so tightly.

"Mother what's the matter? Why are you crying?"

She shook her head as she spoke in between her sobs.

"Ren, uhahh ren, it's only the two of us now sob sob, uwahh."

Even though I want to console her, everything doesn't seem that right, I pushed her away and hurriedly went outside, it was full of murmurs of pity and disdain, why is that so?

"Excuse me, move away, please!!"

'Ohh, isn't that the son... a pity it's so young.'

'Right, he looks so cute too, to know of these things at a young age, such a pity indeed.'

'Hey, shush don't let the child know, hey'

'Oh the kid is looking, he's looking, his eyes seem so blank all of a sudden'

'Hayss.. So pitiful.'

I was now infront of the crowd.

I saw a hanged man, he was a tall guy, he looks so exhausted and thin, he wore glasses and he have a thick beard, his tied hair reached his shoulders.

Dad, it was you, morever isn't that my blanket, it was no wonder it was especially cold last night. You choked yourself to death with such a yellow and dirty fabric.

"hic.. hic.."

Whether it be in the situation you were hanged by the dead tree in the front yard or your cold body inside a coffin.

Mom and me were grieving, but it feels like we were entertainment shows to others, I didn't care though I just want to ask you,

Dad, by any chance... Was it I who killed you?