Chapter 4

So, how does a question starts usually? With a What, a Why, a How, or a When. There's no Y, so it's not Why.

It must be a letter for each wall because I can't connect words on a single surface. So it must be across.

The first letter is a W, where are Ws? On the floor and on my right. Hs two in front on my back. As on my right and on my back. T's on the floor and the roof. So. Floor > Front > Top > Back What. Given this, the floor is 1, the front is 2, the top is 3 and the back is 4.

What. Now, the next word starts on the sides. W S C O G and A T K R G. And back again to the 1. The important thing is to discover which side comes is 5 and 6.

What...Ca... No, a be or to be most likely. So.. What was. Yes. My left is 5 and 6 is right.

Ah, I understand. But a letter is missing. A tip maybe?

"What was first: The Chicken or the Egg? My answer: The chicken! After all, I was the one who brought Chickens to the past." As soon as I say the words using all the air I had on me, and no change at all. I start feeling anxious. Aw. Axfixiation hurts a lot, 'died' twice because of it.

As soon my vision starts to become blurry and my lungs began to hurt the symbols carved on the stone start shining one after another. Once all the symbols are alight, the walls open. With a deep breath, I smile as one of my dies shines, indicating I got now two dice.

-Phew-"That was exhausting. Well, 998 squares left." Lucky for the entire world and humans alike I am a genius! "I am the terror of the chickens! The greatest detective! Not even Conan or Batman could compare! The Queen of magical biscuits! I AM HOLY! WOHOOO!" Yeah!

As I danced around Ishmallah the bald one flew across me like a missile. Hmpf, even if he's lucky to be in the fifteen... Sixteen... Seventeen... Gh. Twenty-two. Damn. Even if he's in the Twenty-two square he's not gonna succeed. He's an idiot. Hmpf.

As Ishmallah stepped on the middle of the square he was suddenly in the middle of a hill, surrounded by giant boulders, every single one of them with a sigil painted on them. In front of him, a stone bowl appeared. On his sides two ponds filled with fishes. On the floor a rope.

A druidic circle. To be more specific a ritual dedicated to Cenncroith, better known as Cromm Cruach.

Not a normal ritual though. But a Dark Druidic ritual. So, he's surrounded by 12 monoliths. He has to fish thirty fish, fifteen on each pond using that rope only. Then gut them on the bowl and fill it with his blood. After that, he has to chant a Samhain chant.

Heh. This test... He will fail. After all, you don't learn the customs of your enemies. And the Christians killed most druids, besides, this little chicken believes himself to be above mortals. Which he clearly is, but that's why he probably never bothered with it. He probably thinks of humans as ants and other religions as insults.

"I can see the runes, I can feel the magic. And yet, the meaning of this eludes me."

His disinterested and flat voice reverberated through the clearing. His eyes observed everything slowly with disgust. Just because you're above different species doesn't mean you can understand them with just scraps of other religions. In the first place, even humans do not usually know other religions except their own. I did not bother to held my smirk back as I observed the angel going in circles, trying different things. He even submerged himself in the ponds. It is quite deep if he could submerge. He's eating raw fish? Hehe. Hm. Now he's bleeding himself on the altar. Fool.

As if noticing my smirk, he suddenly stopped, observed me, and raise his head. "I surrender" and his dice turned gray again.

"Alright then, my turn. Two dice. Go forth grunts, spin! Spin!" And spin they did, they saluted me with their little hands and glistening eyes. "Oh, my proud little soldiers! A 13 and a 27! Yes! That's right bitch! 40! Haha! My soldiers rule!"

I skipped across the squares, as I overcame the fool, I couldn't help but look at him with superiority. Oho, is that the sound of gritted teeth? Hehehe.

Square 42.

As usual, the square shifted, the area changed. A huge metallic crescent moon rose from the floor. Where I was standing, became a metal platform that rose a little bit from the ground. everywhere else became hot molten lava. from the crescent moon handles and rings appeared seemingly randomly. Along with intermittent bouts of lava, a pale imitation of a river. They would stop for a few seconds and then start again, enveloping some handles in lava from time to time.

As I contemplated the structure, white light surrounded me and forced me to float for a few seconds, the light was so brilliant that blinded me for a second. Once I was on the ground, I could feel the heat a lot more. Huh? Oh. I am completely naked now. Hell, it stripped me even of my runic tattoos.

Look, I don't really care about showing my body or not, I am sexy. But, there's a limit you know? Removing even my tattoos? Putting me in the middle of hot magma? That's too much!

As I complained in my head, the same white light that decided to get frisky with me, appeared in front of me forming words.

REACH THE TOP BEFORE THE MOON IS SWALLOWED.

Huh? Alright. Pretty straightforward. Hm? My platform is getting hotter. What's going on... Oh. Right. we're getting swallowed by the lava. Duh.

Alright, without my buffs, blessings, and whatnot I am right now just a human at the peak of fitness, so I can't do anything crazy. So, how do I do this? There are rings, handles, and some kind of spikes, lava runs through the moon in small bouts each 3-4 seconds. Alright!

I take a running start, however, the moment I am about to jump towards a green handle a river of lava sweeps the handle and everything down its path.

I am at the edge, with a lot of momentum. I can't stop. I have to jump or I risk a swim with the lava. So, instead of grabbing the green handle, I bounce from the wall with a kick, almost touching the lava, spinning, and using my other feet to grab a pink handle from the side. "Hah!"

Well, on one hand, it worked. On the other, I may have slammed my face on the wall. Ouch. Still. Must. Keep. Climbing.

Showing off my amazing super physical musical magical awesome body, I, the amazing Blight, with only my feet, will climb for a few meters!

Using only my feet, I righted myself from a hanging position to a standing one, bending a little bit of my knee, I suddenly sprang upwards, and with a grin grab the next ring with my left hand. However, at the same time, two bouts of lava surround me. And another one is coming slowly ahead of me.

Uh, oh. My beautiful skin is getting redder and redder by the second, blisters are starting to appear on my hands and feet. It's just too hot. I take impulse from the wall, grabbing the and pushing myself with it towards another handle.

"Fuck!" It hurts, it hurts. Oh well. I manage to reach the ring, safe and not sound. My left foot is melting. Literally. I couldn't escape the lava completely. Hm. Well, less weight?

I keep climbing. Casting all my useless thoughts to the side. Focus, don't think about the pain, keep climbing. I am getting short of breath. It feels like I am not advancing because the moon is getting lower every time I rise. In truth, I haven't advanced a single bit.

40 seconds of non-stop climbing, and with half my face looking like two-face, I throw myself to the top of the moon. Resting, exhausted.

White motes of light surround me, I can feel my body again like nothing happened, I feel the weight of my gear. I am satisfied.

Well, I got a new dice! Haha! Take that KFC bucket, I am amazing!

-sigh- "Well, 958 to go!" I say, clapping my face.

Rolling my dice I get 46. Alright, towards the 88. To be honest I am not as excited as I was before. Oh well. Huh, it became a restaurant? Nice!

EAT EVERYTHING.

"Alright! This is my kind of task!" I shout excitedly, sitting at the head of the big table. I hear some sounds from what I believe is the kitchen.

A small rotund man, with chef's clothes including a hat, bringing one of those dome trays.

"The food is served." He says, opening the tray and leaving it on my side of the table and instantly leaving.

"Uh. Okay, thanks, dude!" So, boiled crab with fries on the side. Yum! After finishing my food in seven minutes, the ball-chef arrives immediately, takes the tray, and leaves. An instant later he reappears with a bigger tray.

"The food is served." Uh. I see where this is going. This time it's a huge bowl of soup. And by huge I mean it probably weighs about 15 liters. It's that tortellini? And sausage? What? A tortellini sausage soup? Uh. Alright. Fine.

"Oh wow! This is delicious!" I ate it all in 24 minutes. Not even a drop of soup is left! Am I done? Damn. Didn't know that could be soup, it was delicious but I am stuffed.

"The food is served." What? Apparently, while I was thinking he came to change the tray... Now it's a bigger tray. Tacos. A small mountain of tacos. There must be at least a thousand tacos. Uuh. Alright, let's do this!

-Nom-"Spicy chicken and avocado!" -Nom- "Tuna with butter? The hell?" -Nom- "Ground meat! Yay!" -Nom- "Shrimp with sour cream!" As I keep munching and eating more and more tacos I noticed a presence on the other side, watching me. Heh. So the Chef does have feelings after all.

"Oi chef, I am done, next?" I called out with a burp.

"The food is served." Wow, this time the Tray is bigger than me. Huh!? Two roasted gooses? Oh well.

-Nom- Hm, they're stuffed with fish inside. Hilarious. -Nom- And the fish is stuffed with shrimps. Ugh.

Two hours later I finish my meal. I am gonna explode... Oh, I know! I do have my magic now. Getting out of the seat, I begin doing handstand push-ups, forcing my runes to activate. One of my tattoos forces my body to its physical peak. Being stuffed with food is not good for the body, so it eliminates most of the food from my stomach. Heh. I am a cheater.

Seventeen dishes later, I know this is the last one. After all, the chef served the food and it's standing near me. I mean, he couldn't even bring it with a tray, it was the white motes of light that brought the food. A hamburger, the size of an elephant. Yeah. You know, I am used to eating burgers with a fork but... Well. You know.