Illusion

When did it disappear? When did it just vanish? Wasn't the world an amazing place where I could believe I could be anything I want in the future? A place where being an adult was every kids dream. Where did all that go? What happened too the world where I could illude myself to believe that if I believed in myself enough things would just work out just like I planned them? Let me go back. Let me go back to when it felt as if time has suddenly stopped moving! I just wanna see them one more time doc! why can't I doc!? Some days I'll stay in bed not because I'm tired, but because I'm hoping someone will wake me up with a smile on their face. Is that too much to ask for!? Is it too much!? Why can't I go back!? if only I had called!? Everyday I wake up is another day I regret not calling!? If only I had called that day and told them not to leave the house, maybe then that stupid drunk driver would had hit them!! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Dumbass! Dumbass!

"But the driver has been locked up for a while. Is that not good enough?

...hehe..

Good enough!? He took everything I lived for away from me! They were the reason I got up and worked everyday! Just knowing there were two smiles waiting for me at home was the best feeling ever. But then he took it away from.

"So what do you feel is good enough?"

That's what I'm trying to say! There's no good enough in this!! There gone!! Gone forever!! You think some time locked up will bring them back!!

Sometimes I just wanna find what he loves the most and take it from him like he did too me!! But I know that won't bring them back. So tell me doc...What do I do? What can I do?

"There really isnt much too do."

...

What did you say!?

No! What the hell did you just say!?

You said you could help me! You promised!

Son of a bitch. I'm out of here.

"Now wait a moment. I never said there Nothing too do I just said there isn't much."

And what's that suppose to mean.

"It means you've already done most of my work. I'm impressed. Most of the time I have to help them stand on both legs, but you have done that yourself. You didn't need the help of anyone to be where you are. So like I said there isn't much too do because you've already done it yourself."

"You don't need my help. I can only guide you to the path you wish to follow."

And what's that path?

"I don't know you tell me."

I-I um...sorry.

"That's fine."

"Tell me one thing though. If I was to tell you the address of the other driver what would you do with that information?"

Like I said I don't care anymore. I moved o-

"Not true."

w-what?

"Well to be precise not all of you."

And what's that suppose to mean?

"It means that your still waiting for them."

For who?

"You said it yourself. You wake up every morning hoping to see a smile in the bright morning. But what you truly mean is you want to see them again...your family."

I-I u-

"You can't deny the truth. But you also know you have to move on."

How can I move on when I-I I know I could have helped.

"See that's the problem. You try to carry all the blame on your shoulders all by yourself, but you can let go."

"You don't have to carry all that wait on your shoulders."

But I can'-

"Yes you can!"

But what if I-

"You don't need to carry the burden to remember them! Believe me I know. You don't have to keep burdening yourself. The longer you try to hold on the thinner the rope will get until it can't hold much longer."

I-I um...can I really

"yes."

T-thank you.

"Don't thank me. All I did was show you the path you wanted to follow."

...

5 minutes later

So all he needed was a push.

"Oh hello Mrs.Nurse."

I told you to stop calling me that.

"So how many is that?"

He would make 295

"Great only 99,705 left."

Sir why do you burden yourself? You don't have to do this. You could join them in the eternal dream.

"I could ask you the same thing."

"But in truth if there's one thing I know is that the eternal dream is connected to your emotions. Now tell me what if one still had regrets before they entered the eternal dream? Do you think there gonna have a nice dream?"

No probably not.

"Exactly, that's why I'm here."

"I know the feeling of not being able to have a good dream. I'm not here to help them from the ground up. I'm only here to guide them in the path they belive in. If I force what I belive to them is that truly helping."

I guess not.

"Well anyways, don't you think it's time for the next patient."