First Night Part 2

Qing Yue was having a good dream when the nightmare struck.

The same scene of rotting corpses and wailing women, convulsing and spasming humans with froth coming out of their mouths, severed limbs, burning buildings, and a river of blood.

Time and reality shifted in a dizzying rush and the red eyeball throbbing with bloody veins that resembled the waterlines of the New World Formation, enlarged and filled her vision.

"Ahh!"

Qing Yue woke with a strangled cry. Cold sweat dripped down her forehead and mixed with her unshed tears. With her heart drumming in her ears, her wild, haunted eyes roamed around the unfamiliar room.

Too warm...

The room felt too warm for comfort.

She raised a hand to wipe her tears and froze.

Ah...bandages.

The moment she saw the bandages wrapped around her arms, a flood of memories rushed into her mind.

"I'm at the Long Mansion." With this realization, the mounting panic in her heart receded, and her tense body relaxed.

The nightmare this time was shorter, more rushed. The images of the corpses and blood, though vivid, seemed as if they were separated from her. The overwhelming emotions that usually devoured her were more muted.

She wondered if it had anything to do with the Saint Pendant.

Qing Yue was so observed in evaluating her nightmare that she failed to notice how precariously close to the edge she laid.

In an attempt to change positions, she rolled off the bed and slammed onto the marble floor.

Bang!

"Ah!"

Tears streamed down Qing Yue's face, as white agony gripped her with piercing, thorny claws. Her entire left side throbbed with stabbing pain. The faint metallic scent of blood drifted in the air, amplifying the excruciating agony. The bandages ruthlessly scarped and cuffed on her burn wounds, and tore the newly formed scabs.

"Ah!"

As she used her hands to support her dead body and crawl towards the bed, Qing Yue had an epiphany.

'This...is this what being disabled feels like?'

Frustrated and angry, consumed with blinding pain, but too helpless to even help oneself.

Bitter anguish burned like concentrated acid, searing into the deepest, most fragile part of her heart. This feeling of not even possessing the ability to help herself shattered her heart and she broke into choking sobs.

"Ah...ah...ah."

Laying on the cold marble floor, Qing Yue laid on her stomach with her arms wrapped around her head. Bleeding profusely, violent tremors shaking through her battered body, she cried her heart out.

When Long Tian found her, her face was pale as a corpse.

"Yue'er, how did you get on the floor!" Horrified by the pool of blood, Long Tian lost all his composer.

He hastily knelt beside her and gathered her in his arms and hissed.

"How long have you been lying on the floor? You are as cold as a corpse!" Then he lifted her and with flustered, hurried steps, headed into the washroom.

During this entire time, Qing Yue had not spoken a word. Her dull eyes stared into nothingness as Long Tian anxiously stepped into the bathtub with her.

Upon detecting their body heat, the automatic tub switched on and Long Tian sat in the center of the bathtub with her sitting on his lap.

"You're too cold. We need to quickly remove your bandages and clean your wounds." He unbuttoned her blouse, yanked it off, and threw it over his head. Then with the same anxiety, he unbuttoned her floor-length skirt and pulled it off.

The bandages were soaked through. He carefully unwrapped them and threw them to the floor.

When Long Tian's sight fell on the gruesome, bloody blisters snaking across her left side from her collarbone to her waist, his breath hitched. He lifted a trembling hand and with great caution, gently cleaned the festering burns with rubbing alcohol.

"Does...does it hurt?" He stuttered.

Qing Yue didn't turn, she didn't respond. She felt too numb, in both body and heart, to feel anything.

Her legs were dead. She was a useless cripple.

Even if she could overlook her disfigured face and her scared body, she couldn't stomach the thought of being at others' mercy forever.

She couldn't accept that, in time, she'd become a charity case, one to be passed around by others because she was too helpless to take care of herself. One that would need others' assistance to even relieve herself.

At the hospital, she hadn't realized how helpless she'd become. Her rich Dad hired multiple helpers to look after her every need.

But her first night in the Long Mansion had woken her up to her reality.

She was a cripple, a handicap that couldn't do anything on her own anymore.

So what if she had an outstanding husband? Could he keep an eye on her 24/7?

"Yue'er? Yue'er!"

Long Tian felt unsettled by his wife's silence. From the moment they'd signed the marriage certificate until now, she'd never ignored him before. Her silence bothered him, perturbed him, and made him feel uneasy.

He set down the blue towel in his hand and pulled her into his arms, his eyes stinging, hands trembling, as he soothingly rubbed her back.

"Yue'er, I'm sorry. I should've kept an eye on you. It's my fault, so you can hit me, blame me, and curse at me. But please, don't remain so silent...hmm? Say something."

"Heh...for what reason should I blame you? Were you the one to make me a cripple? With what right should I curse at you? You are my husband, but that doesn't mean you'll forsake your sleep to make sure your crippled wife doesn't fall off the bed..."

Long Tian was horrified by his wife's continued referral of a cripple to herself.

"Yue'er, why are you referring to yourself like that? Did you forget the promise you made to Uncle Li and Father?"

"Long Tian, do you know what I realized today? I realized the feeling of being a cripple. For almost 7 years, I visited disability centers to accompany and interact with disabled people. But in these 7 years, I never understood their frustration, their helplessness, their resentment, and their anger. For seven years, I sympathized and pitied them, felt sorry for them, and my heart ached at seeing them struggle to live ordinary lives. But I've never understood their feelings."

She gave a choked sob and covered her face.

"Long Tian, for the first time in my life, I wanted to die. For the first time, I hated myself. I hated my inability to even drag myself off the floor. I wanted to die..." This thought shattered her more than anything else.

Never in her entire life had she ever desired death.

Not even in her past life when she was poisoned and writhing in pain, consumed by despair and hopelessness.

She'd only succumbed to death when her body had given out on her.

"I don't want to be like this. I don't want to...I hate this feeling, I hate my helplessness."

Long Tian's heart stabbed with pain. The strangled cries of his wife shattered his heart and consumed him with guilt and self-blame.

If only he'd kept a close eye on her, then she would've never experienced such pain. If he'd taken better care of her, then his wife would've never suffered such agony.

The image of her sprawled out on the cold marble floor in a pool of blood resurfaced in his mind. If he'd sensed her absence earlier, then she wouldn't have felt such despair, such helplessness.

"Yue'er, I'm sorry. Please, don't cry. I promise what happened today, won't happen again." He vowed.

A while later, wrapped in towels, Long Tian carried Qing Yue out of the bedroom and onto their bed.

When the jarring crimson pool entered his sight, he clenched his fists and silently went off to power the CleanRobo.

It was still a long way to sunrise, being only 11 at night. Long Tian helped his wife change into clean clothes and returned to the bed after changing out of his.

Turning on his side, he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to his body.

Qing Yue raised her head in surprise. This was the first time her husband held her intimately on his own initiative outside of lifting or carrying her.

"This way, you won't roll off the bed. And if you do, I'll know it right away." He explained.

Qing Yue nodded and closed her eyes.

Long Tian looked at his wife. The bandages on her face were still in place, the only ones that weren't affected in her fall. Although she looked like a mummy, with only her eyes, nose, and mouth uncovered, he didn't feel disgusted or loath her.

His heart ached to know she had to go through this agony because of her instinctive reaction to choose the kid over herself.

"If you'd run to save yourself, then you'd still be healthy and well." Releasing a faint sigh, he tightened his hold around her and closed his eyes.

Soon, the room resounded with his even breathing.

Qing Yue opened her eyes, the bright, clear violet orbs indicating she'd never fallen asleep. She sat up and looked at the arm on her waist with a complicated expression.

In the next instant, her eyes cleared and shone with a determined gleam.

"Li Feng, tell me how I can regain my legs."

"Sigh, Saintess, are you sure you want to do this? Once you start the treatment, you cannot stop. Otherwise, you'll die on the spot."

"Do want to hear me wish for death instead?"

"...It'll be painful. Very painful." He emphasized.

"Is it greater than the pain from my first life? Greater than the cold, barren, and aching despair I felt earlier? As long as I can regain my legs, I'm willing to tolerate any pain, Li Fang."

Because the feeling of helpless despair she experienced today was one she never wanted to experience again.

"Tell me how I can regain my legs." She repeated in a firmer, harder tone.