Chapter 33

Ivy Sparks

When I first put my head on my pillow, I briefly wonder if I'll be able to sleep at all, since I've had Ben beside me every night since our first night together, with the exception of having fallen asleep in Nathan's arms just a little bit ago. The exhaustion of everything catches up with me almost immediately, though. I barely have time to realize that some part of me is melding my feelings for those two men into something that is not a memory, as much as it is a memory of how it felt to be held by someone that I loved. Even as angry as I am at Ben for how suddenly he just abandoned me, I will never be able to forget the good moments of quiet contentment and of passion between us. The same with Nathan. Even though we were lovers for just an hour or so, I have spent most of my life with his companionship. A thousand positive emotions I have felt for both of them stir together as I drift off to sleep.