30

This thorough confession made Fan Shen feel as if he had fallen into an abyss.

It wasn't unexpected, but that didn't mean he could bear it.

Xiao He hadn't sobered up yet, and was still wrapping himself around him, full of desire, as if he were afraid he'd leave.

Fan Shen wanted to leave.

But he soon changed his mind.

It was all just a futile dream, so it didn't matter if he continued to deceive himself at the same time as he did Xiao He.

The corner of Fan Shen's lips rose mockingly. He bent his head and kissed Xiao He fiercely.

In any case, Xiao He wasn't thinking of him, and he wouldn't call his name. Since it was like this, then he might as well not speak. It was fine if he just moaned instead.

At least he could fantasize.

That this passion and deep love belonged to him.

"I love you." He buried his face in Xiao He's neck, concealing all his affection, and used only his rough voice to express his despair. "Xiao He, I love you."

A night of decadent pleasure passed. The next day, like a great, pitiless hand, the morning sun tore away the lingering night.

Fan Shen stayed with Xiao He all night, and after he made sure that nothing else unexpected happened, he finally left.

In two lifetimes put together, Xiao He had never gotten this drunk before. This time, he'd reveled until his head was about to burst.

Getting drunk once could cure a thousand worries. While he was drunk it felt pretty great, but what about after he woke up?!

He'd simply shot himself in the foot!

His head was about to split open!

Xiao He lay in bed and took a long time to recover before he came back to himself.

But he soon felt a sudden chill.

Last night...last night…

He'd been drunk and muddle-headed, but he'd still had a bit of awareness.

He seemed to have seen Ayr, and to have bathed with him, kissed him and wrapped himself around him…

Shoot, shoot, shoot!

After he came back to himself, Xiao He went crazy.

Ayr couldn't possibly be in this world. This world only had Fan Shen!

But he really felt that something had happened…

He wouldn't, right? Xiao He felt like dying. He wouldn't be so completely shameless as to do something to his own son, right?!

After thinking about it thoroughly, his face paled until it looked like paper.

It hadn't been easy for him to raise this child until adulthood. Fan Shen had grown up so well, and he had such a good personality and such excellent behavior.

He wouldn't court disaster and ruin him on his own, right?!

Eighteen years. Xiao He was going crazy. He'd been careful for eighteen years, and he'd been conscientious for eighteen years. Could it be that now, he'd caused a disaster?

As Fan Shen's father, he seduced him, he did that to him, he…

Fuck, just thinking about it, Xiao He was about to go mad.

What should he do, what should he do, what exactly should he do?!

He was unbearably anxious and nervous, so he wasted a lot of time in his room. He was out of options, but acting like an ostrich wouldn't solve the problem. He had to face it.

Xiao He finally came out of his room. He had to see Fan Shen.

Last night had really been too confused. He vaguely remembered that Fan Shen had pushed him aside, but then he wrapped himself around him again.

He'd only kissed him, stroked him and come...um...probably once.

But...this was definitely over the line!

How could a normal father and son do something like this?

It's over, it's all over.

The more he thought about it, the more his hair stood on end. He really wished he could get a do-over!

But...this wasn't a game, after all.

Xiao He took a deep breath, and finally arrived at the dining table.

The hotel they lived in was pretty good. Xiao He's income right now was considerable. He wouldn't dare to be extravagant every day, but he could afford to go out sightseeing and book a presidential suite to have a little fun.

And in a room like this, breakfast was quite refined.

Xiao He glanced over it, and it was all what he liked to eat. He didn't even need to think about it; it was definitely Fan Shen who ordered it.

But when he saw his son sitting upright at the dinner table, Xiao He stared at him blankly and couldn't move a step.

It was so awkward, so nerve-wracking, and he really wanted to escape!

He had never been someone who was good at hiding his expression, so Fan Shen only had to look up to understand everything.

"Come and eat, it'll be cold soon."

Xiao He shifted a little and finally sat across from him, but he didn't dare to meet his eyes.

Fan Shen looked down, his eyes darkened, and his hands involuntarily tightened around his fork and knife.

Xiao He hadn't noticed his expression. He just kept brewing over it…

After half a minute, he finally opened his mouth. "Uh, last night, I drank too much."

"Yes." Fan Shen gave a word in reply.

Xiao He looked up, saw his expression, and grew more nervous.

He really couldn't remember it clearly, though just now he'd been certain that he might've done something bad.

But...now he couldn't help feeling that it might've just been his own imagination?

After all, it wasn't the first time he'd had this kind of dream about doing this and that with Ayr.

It was understandable that he'd indulge a bit after drinking and getting muddle-headed.

He looked cautiously at Fan Shen, and felt that his son looked normal.

If he'd really shamelessly pounced on him last night...

Then according to reason, Fan Shen should reject him, right?

Or...he'd feel awkward and even disgusted today, right? He shouldn't be this calm.

These thoughts miraculously comforted him. Holding on to a little bit of hope, Xiao He cautiously opened his mouth. "After I got drunk, I didn't do anything strange, did I?"

Xiao He asked him something like this.

Fan Shen's hands stiffened slightly. He looked down, staring at the slice of bacon in front of him. The bitterness that welled up from the depths of his heart was stronger than black coffee.

Xiao He couldn't remember it clearly.

That was pretty good.

But then a wild idea rose into Fan Shen's mind.

If he said it, if he said Xiao He had pounced on him, if he said he'd kissed him, if he said that as a father, he'd actually kept begging his son to touch him…

If he said this, what would he do? He would feel pain and self-loathing, right?

If that happened, then he'd experience a tenth of his own emotions.

Then it'd be fair, wouldn't it?

Why did he have to shoulder everything? Why did he have to always endure it?

Just because he was the one who fell in love with Xiao He?

But him...what did he do?!

A father who used his son as a substitute?

When he thought of the Ayr his father called for, Fan Shen felt like he was a joke from head to toe.

He'd say everything, he'd tell him all of it.

Since he had to sink into hell, then he'd take Xiao He with him!

But all of these thoughts vanished like smoke once he heard the words Xiao He said.

"Little Fan, I got drunk, really drunk, so if I did something, don't be angry, okay? I'm sorry, I really didn't do it on purpose."

That's right...it wasn't on purpose.

Fan Shen looked up at him, into those eyes flickering with worry, and all the agitation in his chest calmed down.

How could he bear for him to taste what suffering was like?

How could he have the heart to make him bear it?

He wished he could cradle him in his arms, so how could he drag him into hell?

Fan Shen smiled and pushed the sliced bacon towards him. He said softly, "Nothing much happened. I helped you get a towel, and then you went back to your room."

Xiao He's eyes flashed with pleasant surprise. "Is that true?"

Fan Shen looked at him. "What does true or false have to do with it? You were drunk, so I took care of you. Isn't that perfectly normal?"

Is it true that nothing happened?!

Xiao He still found it a bit hard to believe, but he stared at Fan Shen unwaveringly, and couldn't detect the slightest peculiarity.

At last, he relaxed completely.

It looked like it was just a dream. That's great…it was just his imagination.

His heart settled back into its proper place, and Xiao He finally had enough appetite to eat.

Seeing his simple-minded manner, Fan Shen felt a little unresigned at heart again.

He composedly spread butter on his bread, and without looking up, he asked, "Dad, who's Ayr?"

Xiao He's hand froze in place around his fork.