Decisions

"Luka…. Oh brave Luka."

"What do you want, Ilias?"

The light wavered for a moment, seeming to hang somewhere between anger and confusion. Then it coalesced into the familiar form of the Goddess Ilias.

"I just wanted to give you a little nostalgia," Ilias said peevishly. "Weren't those the good old days?"

"The good old days were the last ten years, before you decided gaining power was worth hurting me. Not that I should be terribly surprised. It's been what you've done ever since you first threw a soda can at me."

"Oh, we're going WAY back now!" the goddess cackled. "All right then, how about we go back there for real?"

The calm white light transformed into my familiar local mall's food court.

"Even in this you lie, Ilias," I said angrily. "This isn't real. It's just part of the dream."

"You believe dreams aren't real?" Ilias asked. "Well if this was just a dream, could I do this?"

She slapped me, hard. Ow! Even gods weren't supposed to hurt me in dreams! Or at least the Ancestors and Alipheese had insisted that was impossible. Yet still… I was standing up and able to walk around. This couldn't be real!

"Come on," Ilias said, taking my hand. "I don't want them to see us."

Them? I looked over to where Ilias was gesturing and saw myself at a table, eating burgers and fries. Just a couple of tables away, a blonde woman and a brown haired woman were clearly looking in the direction of that other me. I hesitated too long, so Ilias roughly yanked me in the direction of the mall proper.

"I've never talked much about this, but I have always been a master at the magic of manipulating time," Ilias said. "You're not dreaming. We are really in your world, on the day that I brought you to mine. Of course, this would be a feat I couldn't have performed before. Your power gives me the ability to do almost anything."

"How am I walking?" I asked.

"Because I want you to be able to walk," she said. "I've always been able to do that. Depending on what you have to say to me here, you'll continue to be able to walk when you get back. Or not."

She stopped at a Dippin Dots stand. "Buy me a Dippin Dots, Luka!" she said as sweetly as she could.

I reached into my pocket, pulled out my old wallet and bought her what she had requested. She happily began eating her treat as we walked.

"Reflexiely polite, even with enemies," Ilias marveled. "You sure are a nice guy."

"So what did you want to talk about?"

"Oh, just wanted to see how you've been doing, find out where your mind's at," she said cheerily.

"You want to know whether you should be concerned that I'm going to lead an army of monsters into heaven," I said.

"I am a little concerned about that, yes," she said, licking her spoon. "Wouldn't that just be so pointless, though? So unlike you?"

"That would depend on what you plan to do with all that new power you have."

"Men believe that the purpose of having power is to exercise power," Ilias said. "Gods are beyond such pettiness. The purpose of godhood is simply to be a god. Learning about alternative worlds has really expanded my horizons, Luka. There are worlds in which gods do basically nothing except be gods. Other gods will intervene, but only once every thousand years or so. Whoever is in charge here, I'm not sure what he or she does. But I guess it doesn't matter. It's about possessing power as an end in itself. To know that you are the most powerful being in the universe, that if you DID want to change things, you could. You're like us now, Luka. You have all that power, but you almost never use it. Why don't you become fully like us, as you were when you lived in that other timeline? Do you remember what it felt like?"

"It felt like I knew every person in the world," I said. "Dead or alive, I knew them. I could see the whole world, how everything interacted. That's how I so easily saw what had gone wrong, why there were all those dimensional rifts consuming the world."

"But even that wasn't total omniscience, was it?" she asked.

"No, it wasn't," I said. "You still don't see everything or know everything. You still need deductive reasoning to solve any problems. You just see… a bigger picture."

"The little pieces, the individual lives, they don't seem to matter in the face of all that, do they?"

"On the contrary," I said. "Being able to know every person in the world made them matter to me more."

"Interesting," Ilias said. "Oh! Brain freeze! Brain freeze! Your fuckin' world!"

"I'm guessing the god of this world keeps everyone's power levels down to almost nothing so that he doesn't have competition," I laughed.

"I hate it!" Ilias said angrily. "I stub my toe here and it actually hurts! See what I'm doing for your benefit?! Bringing you to one of your favorite places?"

"All that anger over a little brain freeze?" I laughed. "You never really change, do you?"

"Not much," she admitted. "But what you did for me and Alipheese…. It was what I planned, but that doesn't mean I'm not grateful. Being able to finally interact with her has changed both of our outlooks. That's why you needn't ever fear us messing with your dream, Luka. We only hurt you because we needed that final piece. Your power. I promise we won't bother you ever again."

That sounded suspiciously like pleading for me not to go after her. I had no intention of doing so, and yet I did not feel comfortable making her any promises. She might be trying to trick me into giving her assurances that I'd be reluctant to violate.

"That's nice, Ilias," I said. "But I haven't decided what I'm doing yet."

"Fair enough," Ilias said. "Although that means I have to return you to the way you were. You obviously need more time to think. Before I take us back to our present, however, I want to talk more about you. About being the god you are destined to be."

"Has that always been a part of your plan as well? Seems like everything is part of your plan."

"All right, straight talk time," Ilias said. "When I pulled you from this world I knew you had power, but Promestein didn't yet know what all that power meant. She warned me that it could be enough to rend worlds or it could be barely enough to slay a slime. We just knew we wanted as much as possible in the hopes it would be enough to kill the Monster Lord, and failing that, enhance the White Rabbit formula so that I could achieve my larger goal of being the ultimate being. At least what I thought the ultimate being was. Now I am that being, thanks to you, but I still don't feel all that ultimate. I know that a greater god set foot on MY world not too long ago. Would you happen to know anything about that?"

"Maybe."

"Anyway, I'm not worried about that right now," she said. "I don't need to be the goddess of multiple universes. Believe it or not, I'm content to be a goddess in this one. I have no further plans. What I did to you can't even really be described as a plan. It was an impulsive move, the seizing of an opportunity. I knew that Promestein was gettable and that she'd devise a way to render you helpless long enough for us to take your power and become what we were entitled to be. Now if you want to go on enjoying your silly mortal life for as long as that ring stays on your finger, that's your business. But you could be so much more. And you could be so much more, with me."

"I've felt what being a god is like," I said. "It doesn't really interest me."

"You seem to be awfully interested in immortality, though," Ilias said, noting my ring.

"I'm interested in not leaving my wife a young widow," I said. "That's all. After that, well, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it."

"I can make you immortal," Ilias said. "I've always had that power. That ring of yours, that's not real immortality. It's a life support machine. Once you get past a hundred or so, all it will take is one mistake for you to die. One day you'll be in the shower and that ring will slip off and your wife will only know what happened to you by the dust clogging the drain."

"You sound like you're getting to a point," I said. "Aside from the promises of making me immortal."

"My point is, you could spend an eternity with me. Don't you think I'm beautiful, Luka? Didn't you like the way I felt? That can be your reality for all of eternity. I don't even care if you play around with the other angels."

"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," I said. "On the outside anyway."

"Yeah, your Monster Lord wife is such a peach," she snapped. "You'll learn."

"You've been making me that offer from the beginning," I said. "And you don't even really like me."

"That was before I learned who you truly are," Ilias said. ."You're like me. Or at least, you have the potential to be like me. Can you imagine it? The world no longer ruled by a goddess, but by the Great God Luka and the Lovely Goddess Ilias? We'd usher in a golden age of peace."

"And coexistence?"

"Hmph…. If you really want that, fine."

"And where does Alipheese fit into all this?"

"She can live in that dark spacy place and come visit us occasionally," Ilias answered. "I don't really care. It's nice having a besty but you…. You're a man, and a fine man to boot. C'mon, Luka, don't you want to see if you can work your nice person magic on me? Don't you want to try to make me a better person?"

"Tempting offer, but I'm married," I said.

"I'll wait," Ilias chuckled. "What's a couple hundred years to someone like me? Just don't throw our relationship away by waging war on me, okay?"

"We have a relationship now?"

"A future one, maybe," Ilias said, throwing away the empty cup. "If you behave. I think you will. You have to know you can't possibly defeat us. We have the same power you do, plus our holy and dark magics, not to mention our greater intellects. And…there's two of us against one of you. If you bring monsters into heaven they'll just die, and for what?"

"There won't be any monster invasion of the heavens," I said, deciding that I could promise that much. I agreed with her wholeheartedly that whatever was between me and the two goddesses, it wasn't worth my friends' and loved ones lives. If I ever did decide to settle this, it would be me doing it alone.

"Ah, progress!" she said delightfully. "Well, time to send you back. Think about all I've said. And think long and hard about what I can do for you. You know, if you want me to visit you and do that again, all you have to do is say a single little prayer and I'll give you that little taste of heaven again."

I woke up in my bed, Tamamo reading in a chair next to me. She looked up with alarm.

"Luka! What happened to you?!"

"Was I gone or something?" I asked.

"No, you were right there sleeping," Tamamo said. "no one else except for maybe Alice would have noticed, but something was…. Off. It's like you were there, but not there. It was only for a second, just before you woke up. Did something happen?"

I told her about Ilias taking me back in time to have a chat.

"Wow, she's trying to talk you into not going after her when you recover," Tamamo observed. "Despite the fact that she and Alipheese should have you completely overmatched, she still seems worried."

"What do you think I should do, Tamamo? Alice and Granberia seem adamant that I should take vengeance on her."

"I think you should as well," Tamamo replied. "But I also know that's not how you think. Whatever you want to do, I'll back you. I won't think any less of you if you decide to do nothing."

"Thank you Tamamo," I said. "You're the first person I love who has said that."

"I have to admit that I'm not unbiased," Tamamo said ruefully. "My mother is one of the people you'd be seeking revenge on. Facing her a few years ago hurt my heart. I'd do it for you, and because what she did was wrong, but I have to admit I'd be relieved if you didn't want to."

"Oh," I said. "Thank you anyway. For now, you've come the closest to understanding of anyone. And if I do decide to go after them, you won't have to face your mother. I'll be doing it alone. That much I'm sure of."

"Good luck keeping Granberia from your side!" Tamamo giggled.

"I might have to play the friend card there."

"Oh no! The friend card! It's Granberia's one weakness!" Tamamo laughed. "What's the friend card?"

I was facing off against Granberia once again in the training room. Her face was lit up with anticipation. I could tell that she'd been waiting a long time for this. My days of being bedridden 24/7 were over. My recovery was about to begin. I gripped my sword, ready for anything. Granberia was not taking the first swing today, however. Her eyes challenged me, daring me to take my best shot.

I stepped forward and fell flat on my face.

"Maybe it's a bit soon for this," I said, struggling to pick myself back up.

Granberia sheathed her sword and reached to assist me. She walked me over to a nearby bench and sat me down.

"Alipheese believes that this is the best rehab for you," Granberia said. "I agree. Nothing exercises all of your muscles like swordplay."

"If I can move them without falling down," I noted. "I only just started going to the bathroom on my own two days ago."

"Daddy fell on his face!" Neris giggled. Nero also found it pretty funny. They'd been taking my sickness surprisingly well. At first they were scared, but once they were told that I'd get better they treated it as just daddy having the flu. Any lingering worries they had were dispelled once I started getting out of bed.

"Nero! Neris!" Granberia shouted in a commanding voice. "Do the footwork exercises I showed you!"

"Aw, Granberia," Nero whined. "I'm tired of those boring footwork exercises. When do we get to play with swords?"

"Footwork is the most important part of swordsmanship," Granberia explained. "You must master the basics before a sword is placed into your hand."

"All right," Nero grumped, and the two of them continued to practice.

"You know, you really should make it more fun for them," I said.

"Salamander never made it fun for me," Granberia argued. "The fun is in gaining skill. When they see the fruits of what they are learning, then they will be having fun."

"Times change," I said. "Kids have a lot more distractions these days. You don't want them checking out or doing these lessons grudgingly."

"Hmph," Granberia replied. "Perhaps you are right. They already watch too much TV and play too many video games."

Granberia went into a supply closet and brought out two small wooden swords, handing one to each of the children. They squealed in delight and immediately began striking their swords together, seeking to hit each other's swords rather than each other. Granberia appeared to be in pain watching it.

"Enough horseplay!" she shouted as she sat down next to me. "Practice your footwork with the swords. You will see immediately how much better you handle the weapon simply because your footwork is sound. Once you master footwork, everything else is easy. And…. Fun."

"You know, Granberia," I said. "They aren't destined to be swordsmen. They are going to use staffs."

"Yes," Granberia conceded. "A staff is a better weapon for a magic wielder. But it is not yet time. If I give them broomsticks to practice with they will simply beat each other until someone cries."

"Granberia, I know we've kinda let what I said to you a few weeks ago just slide under the bridge, but maybe we should talk about it."

"I have already forgotten," she said.

"I just want you to know that I never hated you for what you did to me in the volcano," I said.

"Perhaps you should have," she said. "But I have thought about it and I see your point. Sometimes one must forgive or forget when one is wronged. I will no longer judge you if you wish to let the matter with the goddesses go. Alipheese, however…."

"She hasn't brought the subject up since we argued about it last week," I said. "Has she been talking to you?"

"Not just to me," Granberia replied. "But to the other Knights. We have been throwing around ideas for how to assault the heavens. None of the suggestions have been practical. For one, we cannot get in anymore."

"Is the seal eliminating angels' invincibility no longer in place?"

"Oh, it is in place, in fact we put it back in place weeks ago," Granberia answered. "Promestein had been having us swap out discs several times over the last few years so that she could do worldwide scans for various reasons. Once she betrayed you, Alice ordered our seal put back in place. It is irrelevant, however."

"How so?"

"Ilias has used your power to lock heaven's gates," Granberia replied. "No one can get in and we know of no seal against your power. Only you could probably get in, now. Of course, once you blasted open the gates, we would follow you in."

"Like I keep saying, that's not how it's going to go."

"As you wish," Granberia sighed. "Alipheese, however…. She is your wife. She was helpless as you were hurt. It is not just for you that she desires revenge. She desires it for herself as well. She does not see it that way, but…. The rest of us do. She will be difficult to dissuade. I honestly hope that this does not become something that gets between the two of you."

"I hope not as well," I said. "Well, she hasn't shown any sign of being upset with me when she's come to stay with me. But I guess by having me sparring already her intentions are pretty clear. But I'm already done for today. Would you mind carrying me back to my room? It's still a bit far for me to walk."

"Of course," Granberia replied, hoisting me up. "Your nurse today is Erubetie, so you will be at your most comfortable. Sleep well, and perhaps tomorrow we can try again."

I usually just went along with whatever others told me to do, but the idea of trying to do sword training the next day was one of the few things that led me to flatly refuse. I was even considering leaving for awhile to go to my home world for some real rehab at a real rehab center. Alice was unfailingly sweet, but I could tell there was still tension between us over what the goal of my rehab actually was. For me, it was getting back to normal. For Alice, it was getting me into fighting shape for something I didn't want to do. She accepted my refusal to train for one day as just me being tired. I considered making a point by refusing to pick up a sword at all for weeks. After all, I still couldn't feel my power, nor could I summon the spirits. Well, I could. If I summoned them, they'd appear at my bedside in an instant. But they weren't about to go inside my heart. It would almost certainly kill me if they tried. A human must be strong, physically strong, as well as spiritually strong, to contract with the spirits. For the moment, I was not.

Refusing to train with swords didn't mean I was neglecting my recovery, however. Deciding that "you must learn to walk before you learn to run" was good advice, I began walking around the castle as much as possible. To my surprise, I encountered Minagi, an Ancestor, just wandering around the castle. I decided that I needed to know what she thought of all this.

"Hey, Minagi, can I talk to you for a second?" I asked her.

"Oh, hey Luka!" Minagi replied cheerfully. "I'm sorry about what happened to you. I'm afraid I'm not much for nursing, but if you need some quick loving to put you to sleep I can drop by for that."

"Oh, there's been plenty of that going around," I chuckled. It had been one of the few nice things about being bedridden. "I just wanted to find out how much you knew about what went on between Alipheese and me."

Really, what I wanted to find out is if I had a problem with the Ancestors.

"We know pretty much everything that happened," Minagi said cautiously. "But if you're worried about us, don't be. The Dark God doesn't regard this as a life or death matter. She made it clear that it's just between you, her, and her new bestie. She hopes that you'll keep others out of it as well."

"That's my intention," I said.

"Good," Minagi replied. "It sounded like a personal dispute to me, I hope it stays that way. I have no desire to fight you again."

"I don't want any part of you either," I agreed.

"Oh, I'm sure there's at least a part of me or two that you want," she teased. Because she was a succubus and she couldn't help herself.

The next day I agreed to sword training. I shouldn't have. I started out doing a little better. Granberia was working with me as if I was a child, gently parrying whatever weak offense I threw at her, while counterattacking oh so slowly so that even I could get my sword up in my current state. Then I pulled a muscle in my side and it was all over for the day. Actually, it ended up being all over for two weeks. I'd been rushed into that kind of training and I was pretty sore about it, both physically and emotionally. That's when I decided to do something I shouldn't have done: be passive aggressive in my resistance to Alice's idea of rehab. If I'd had it out with her, it might have saved me from what was to come.